Not My Mother by Miranda Smith (lightweight ebook reader .txt) 📕

can face the participants at Mommy and Me ever again, not after they witnessed Mom’s arrest. I tiptoe out of the room, shutting the door behind me.

I’m alone again. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this newest revelation. I can’t speak to Mom, and I have no desire to talk to Carmen and Des. I consider calling Evan, but that’s a can of worms I’m not willing to open at the moment. I’m still suspicious of his true motives for returning to North Bay. There’s so much I’ve been keeping inside, wrestling with myself. All that does is tear me apart.

I pick up my phone, scrolling through my contacts. My thumb rests on Amelia’s name.

After the third ring, she answers.

“Marion?”

“I was wondering if you could talk?”

“Sure.” She sounds re-energized. “Should we meet at the pier again?”

“Ava is still sleeping. You could come by the condo, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“No trouble at all. I’ll be there within the hour.”

I boil a kettle of tea and set out cheese and crackers. Normally, I wouldn’t put in so much effort, but I feel an unspoken need to accommodate Amelia. To impress her, even. There’s still this awkward cloud hovering over us, a lot of pain lingering beneath our interactions. I want to make our time together as enjoyable as possible. Not only are we getting to know each other, it seems she’s one of the few people in my life I can actually trust.

When Amelia arrives, she’s impeccably dressed, as she was the last time I saw her. She’s wearing coral capris and a black V-neck with pearl studs in her ears. I lead her into the kitchen. She stops in front of the bureau, leaning down to look at the pictures on display of Ava and myself. She smiles. Then her hand lands on the security baton. She lifts it up.

“What’s this?”

I wince, rolling my eyes. “My lawyers left it here. They seem to think I should up my security in the wake of Eileen’s arrest.”

“You must have one heck of a lawyer,” she says, placing it back on the dresser. “They do have a point. The press and the people following the case can be relentless. Some are a bit nutty.”

“Better safe than sorry, right?” I force a smile. I resent being at the center of this case, which only a week ago I knew nothing about. Then again, I didn’t know Amelia a week ago either. I’m happy to see her again. Something about her presence brings me peace.

We sit at the table in front of the living room window.

“Beautiful view,” she says, looking ahead. The blinds are turned, otherwise the sun would envelop the entire room. “I could get used to waking up to this every morning.”

I wonder what she must really think of my place. I’ve always thought it was nice, but Amelia Boone Parker must have higher standards. Her family’s wealth makes Carmen and Michael look like middle-class.

“Tell me about your place in New Hutton.”

“I have a house outside the city. It’s far too big for just me, really. I spend most of my time outdoors in the garden.”

“I wasn’t blessed with a green thumb.”

“Not everyone takes to it. I didn’t at first. I guess you could say it’s my happy place, like you said the beach is yours.”

We lock eyes, both wondering where this conversation will take us. It’s clear how important our meetings with one another are to her. She hears everything I say and commits it to memory. After all these years of imagining who her daughter might be, she finally gets the chance to know.

“I hope I didn’t inconvenience you by calling.”

“Not at all, Marion. I’ve waited half my life to hear your voice.”

It’s a forward comment, but it’s honest. I flinch each time she says my name. It’s the only name I’ve ever known, but to Amelia, and the rest of the world, I’m Baby Caroline. It must be strange calling your daughter something other than the name you gave her.

“The way you sounded on the phone, I thought you might be upset,” Amelia says. “Is everything okay?”

I don’t know how far I can take this. We’ve discussed parts of the case, but we’ve left Eileen in the present—Mom—off the table until now. More than anything, I want to be honest with her about what’s happening, but the subject of Mom is a sore one. The hatred she must have felt for Sarah over the years contrasts with the woman I prefer to remember.

“Eileen was attacked in the jail not long after her arrest.”

“My lawyers told me.” Amelia takes a deep breath, flattening her hands against the table. “Despite what Eileen has done, I realize she’s the only parent you’ve known. Those feelings can’t dissipate overnight. I hope she pulls through, for your sake.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m also grateful she was able to provide you with a good life. If I couldn’t have you with me, that’s what I wanted. Someone to love you, care for you. My mind has considered so many ugly alternatives over the years.”

I understand completely. I worry about it all the time. All the dangers that exist. All the ways I could lose Ava. I don’t want to rub Amelia’s face in the fact that, despite the trauma of being kidnapped, I’ve lived a decent life. I can’t imagine anyone taking Ava from me, but if they did, I would hope she would be loved. I wouldn’t want her life to be hard.

“But she also lied to me,” I say, and it feels like a dam is breaking. “Everyone in my life wants me to stay strong for Eileen. They won’t allow me to express what I’m feeling. She gave me a good life, and I’m grateful, but it wasn’t my own. All of it was a lie. And now it’s like all these little comments and stories that didn’t make sense over the years are finally adding up.”

“Like what?”

“Why she didn’t want to