Ahead of his Time by Adrian Cousins (children's books read aloud .txt) 📕

elaborate, so I’m at a loss as to why you would go to all this trouble to come up with it.”

“Jenny, we haven’t concocted anything; it is true! I know how much of a stretch that is to believe, but it is. When we both time-travelled, only our bodies came. I just wish something would have come with us like our wallets or phones, which would show you we have come from the future. But hell, unfortunately, all we have is our bloody memories.”

“I have a tattoo,” Martin interjected, sporting a stupid grin.

“Well, that’s great, Martin. Although I’m so pleased for you, what the fuck has that got to do with this conversation?” I said, raising my eyebrows at him as he grinned back, rocking his chair back and forth.

“Well, I think it might help, that’s all. It’s a tattoo of my wife’s name with our wedding date on it.” Martin jumped up and threw off his coat, then yanked up the sleeve of his jumper. “Look, I’ll show you.” And there it was, on the inside of his lower arm – Caroline 27 May 2012.

Jenny stared at it, then looked up at Martin and back at me. “You could’ve just had that done.”

“Why would I have a tattoo like this if it was fake? Anyway, you can see that it's old. If it was new, it would be red and sore around the edges. You can see how hairy my arm is, and that would’ve taken weeks to grow back after I had it done.”

“Jenny, he’s right! Look, feel it. That tattoo isn’t new.”

As Martin sat down and laid his arm across the table in front of Jenny, she rubbed her index finger across it. Fortunately, Martin had dark hair and was covered like a gorilla.

He now looked all pleased with himself as he turned and grinned at me. “Think I’ve proved it for you, mate.”

Jenny stopped rubbing his arm and huffed. “Well, it's not proof, is it? But I will admit it would be odd to have a tattoo if it wasn’t true. Anyway, why would you have a tattoo like that? I thought men only had them if they were in the Navy?”

“Jen, tattoos are really popular with men and women in forty years, especially millennials. Tattoos are really sophisticated, and it’s considered an art form.”

“You don’t have one! And what are millennials?”

“No, it was never my thing and to be honest I just didn’t fancy it. Millennials are those born around the millennium … the year 2000.”

“And you said women have them as well? That’s really odd.”

“Caroline has two. One on her ankle of a champagne glass, and a rose on her bum,” Martin interjected.

Jenny screwed up her face as if a bad smell had just filled the room. “Well, I’m sorry, Martin, I don’t think that sounds very nice.” Martin looked offended but chose not to answer back.

“Jen, it was different then. It was common for women to have tattoos … different era.”

“Common, you’re right. I wouldn’t be seen dead with a tattoo!”

“Anyway, look at his arm. With all that we’ve said, this has got to help convince you, hasn’t it?”

Jenny chewed her lip and shook her head. “Jason, it’s ridiculous. How could you time travel?”

“I have four of them, you know,” Martin said, as he stood up and rolled his trouser leg up to reveal another tattoo on his calf. The badge of Manchester United Football Club with ‘20 league titles Champions 2013’ inked below the badge and again heavily covered in black hair.

I never thought that the act of Martin removing clothing would be such a wonderful moment. However, this second tattoo further supported our story, and this one, as did the first, also had a date on it.

Martin seemed excited now that he had an interested audience to view his body art, and I could see Jenny was intrigued. What I hadn’t expected was to see the fourth tattoo just above his right ankle. There was no date on this one, as there wasn't on the stag head on his shoulder, but it was the most distinctive tattoo of the four and the only one I had previously seen. I realised there would be no need for him to drop his trousers and show me his backside if he was so inclined to do so, as I’d already seen it once before nestled in between mine and Lisa’s winter coats. Lisa had clearly thought the act of Martin removing his clothing was wonderful as well.

Now knowing that at one point Martin was one of my ex-wife’s lovers was a shock. I shoved that thought to the back of my mind, as the current dilemma was far more critical.

Jenny relayed the conversation she and Martin had had before I arrived, and it seemed that Martin had painted, as expected, a particularly poor account of my character. However, now learning that he was shagging my ex-wife a couple of years ago didn’t exactly make him a candidate for GQ’s man of the year. The positive note was Martin’s account was identical at the points where it crossed over with the one George delivered the night before. Jenny played along, asking questions, whether that meant she was softening to the idea we were time travellers, I wasn’t sure, but it was a good sign – wasn’t it?

“Tell me about your ex-wife. I want to know what she was like and why did you split up?” I could see it hurt her to discover I was previously married.

“Nothing to tell, really. We married in 2006, not sure why but we just did. I guess it was okay to start with, but we drifted and then she left me for another bloke.” I looked at Martin, raised my eyebrows, and took great delight as he flushed and resembled a cooked lobster. “I think she had a few affairs whilst we were still married.”

“Lisa talked to my Caroline all the time. Think she left you because you were