Sleeping Player (Project Chrysalis Book 3) by John Gold (novel24 TXT) 📕

personality and kindness that can be used any way I want. You just gave me an excellent example of that: if my personality were stronger, you would have thought twice about how I’d react to being set up like that, not to mention whether it was the right thing to do.”

The kolobok thinks for a second before nodding.

“And what happens when somebody has low self-esteem and no kindness?”

“Worthlessness.”

“Absolutely right.”

Anri pulled out sandwiches, and I realize that I haven’t eaten in a long time. My stomach confirms the fact with a long gurgle. Happily, the mage has enough for me, too.

“You aren’t worthless, and I don’t regret my decision. Strong personalities can take responsibility for their actions and the consequences of those actions. Are you afraid of that mage? Not in the least. You’re revolted by the very idea of sadism and torture, though you forced yourself to put him through it. And did you doubt that decision in the moment? Nope. So, accept the consequences and keep moving forward. You’re right about one thing: you have very low self-confidence. Why is that?”

What’s with all the philosophical conversations?

“Self-worth is built on self-affirmation and the values you have. I lost everything I valued, and my desire to affirm myself left with it. Being a strong mage isn’t enough to make you confident in yourself and your powers. That’s why you roomed me with Kirk, someone who’s just as lost as me, no?”

Anri pulls two pills out of his pocket. One is as black as tar, while the other is so red, it looks like it could have been made out of curdled blood.

“You’re different. He went hungry for three days before I felt bad and let him work here at the academy. But you’re just as empty inside as he is. On the other hand, one big difference is how the two of you found the strength to keep on living—his confidence in himself and his powers comes from outside himself, while you rely only on yourself. Look how much you’ve changed, how far you’ve come without anybody to rely on. Kirk is still waiting for the chance to talk, hoping for your support, and you know it.”

“His problem is his own cowardice. Kirk is afraid of the world, afraid of getting burned, afraid of hurting, afraid of loving. Worse, he’s afraid of making a mistake.”

“Everyone’s afraid of that, including you.”

“You’re wrong, Anri. My self-worth is low, but that’s just for the time being. Soon, I’m going to be what I used to be, and the world will know that I’m back. I’m kind to people because I’m stronger and smarter than they are. But I’m not afraid of pain like Kirk is—pain is the experience that you need to build a strong identity. He’s building his home on a rotten foundation. Strength is achieved by those who push forward with no fear of mistakes or pain, and I’m afraid of suffering, not pain.”

“You talk like someone who’s been through a lot,” Anri says, shaking his head. “What happened? Why do you have so much hatred and pain?”

That’s a funny question for an older man to be asking a young one, especially if you consider the five years of psychological development I lost.

“Only three people in the world know the truth. Two of them are dead; the third is in prison. Do you think I want something like that to happen to somebody who’s been kind to me?”

Without answering, Anri just gets up and heads back. His plump figure sinks into the snow drift, making it hard for him to walk. He stops when he gets to the stable.

“Tomorrow, you’ll have your battle for your tenth level. Come see me when you’re done, and I’ll teach you your skills for free.”

“I’m not signed up for tomorrow!”

“I already signed you up. And I’m glad I did! You’re going to change forever tomorrow.”

Magic vision, item identification, astral, and spell scaling are the main class skills mages have. Magic vision lets you see spells and any other magic that’s being used, identification tells you what items are, astral lets you work with the different layers of that world, and spell scaling boosts the area your spells affect by a factor of ten, though it doesn’t increase the damage they do.

I walk back to my room to calm Kirk down. Anri helped me collect my thoughts, and it’s time to get to work.

“Kirk, I have two requests for you. The first: can you help me find someone?”

“I think so. It’s a matter of time and how specific you want the information to be. Also, the more data you give me, the faster and more accurate the search will be.”

“I’m looking for a player, a girl named Femida.”

“That Femida?”

“Maybe. I haven’t seen her for years. She’s online for twelve to eighteen hours a day, and she spends all her time in a closed area. I don’t think it’s a dungeon or something like that. She’s a swordswoman, she wears light plate armor, and she’s about twenty or twenty-one.”

“Where could she be?”

“No idea. Like I said, I haven’t seen her in a long time.”

Kirk thinks to himself, takes a drink of tea, and wraps his blanket tighter around himself.

“I’ll help you, but I want you to tell me your name in exchange.”

“Okay, but why?”

“Before I rerolled, I was a top player, and I participated in the battle at Airis Castle. I saw Bloody Sagie and Femida with my own two eyes. That was one of the worst days in Project Chrysalis history, so I want to make sure you aren’t Sagie if you’re looking for that Femida.”

Bloody Sagie? Fine, I’ll tell you my name.

“My name is LJ. The spirits won’t betray me, so just make sure you don’t say my name out loud.