Dare You to Hate Me by B. Celeste (classic fiction .txt) 📕

whenever Remi comes over. “We’ve been waiting for you. I have some bad news that I had to discuss with the girls to prepare them.”

Dread fills my stomach.

She walks over and gives me the fakest sympathetic smile known to man. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but we can’t let you live in the basement anymore. The owners came over and said we could get in a lot of trouble if anyone finds out you live in a room that isn’t thoroughly inspected. I’m sure you get it.”

My heart thumps wildly in my chest at the news that bitch slaps me in the face as my eyes snap to the others, specifically Raine who still can’t look at me. “So, what?” I let out a sharp breath before gripping the strap of my bag until my fingers are white. “There’s no other room I can take? I can sleep on the cou—”

“We all decided,” I’m cut off, the she devil smiling at me with her intentions leaking out of her eyes. “We’re sorry, Ivy. If you need help packing I’m sure one of the girls can give you a hand.”

A million thoughts swirl in my head as I’m dismissed, but none of them can be verbalized past the shock. Jaw tight, I walk downstairs and hear the sudden chatter from the living room fade into nothingness.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I drop my backpack on the floor and look around. I shouldn’t be upset, but now it’s back to square one and I’m staring at defeat in the form of stained ceilings, half-finished walls, and poor hospitality. Once the shock wears off, I won’t miss the horrible smell, the leaks, or parties.

I’ll be better off.

Happier, even.

It isn’t until hesitant footsteps come down some minutes later when I make myself stand and pretend not to care that any of this is happening. The aching feeling to release some of the stress in my body comes back full force when I see Raine pop up at the doorway. I’ve managed to push off the feeling before, telling myself not to go back to that place that demands relief. With every heavy blow I’m dealt, it becomes harder to ignore the need to succumb to old habits.

“Ivy?” Raine’s quiet voice does little to ease my clenched fists as she walks further in. All I can think about is which way to release the pressure crawling under my skin. How I can get back some semblance of control. “I’m so sorry. She sprung this on us out of nowhere. I mean, her godparents did come and look around but none of us knew they told her you had to go. It seemed like they were just here to check in.”

I don’t want to fault her or anyone else here for what Sydney and her pretentious connections do. “She makes the rules around here,” I murmur, squatting down and collecting my duffle bags from underneath the bed. “There isn’t anything you could have done.”

“I tried telling her you could stay in my room until we figured something else out. Caleb wouldn’t have cared if he couldn’t sleep over. He likes you. But…”

Sighing, I stand and drop the bags onto my unmade mattress. Unzipping them, I give her an unconvincing, “It’s fine. Sydney never liked me anyway, so it was bound to happen. I’m sure this is her way of finally getting me out of the way so she can have—” I cut myself off abruptly, my bitter tone swallowed down when I remember who I’m talking to. The girlfriend of Aiden’s friend. His new best friend.

I don’t look at her when she says, “He doesn’t like her, Ivy.”

Throat bobbing, I shake my head and start stuffing clothes forcefully into one of the duffle bags and gesture toward the other. “Can you pack those shirts and jeans into that bag? I’ll handle the other stuff. It’ll be faster.”

A small hand meets my arm. “Come on. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say,” I snap. Shaking her off, I continue packing hoping she’ll drop it.

But she’s just like DJ. “You’ve got friends who care about you. I know we’ve only hung out that once, but I’d like to think we’re friends. And I texted Caleb who’s probably told Aiden by—”

“Of course you did.” I pause what I’m doing to shoot her an annoyed look while clenching a worn old band tee in my hands that I stole from one of the guys I stayed with a while back. “Listen, Raine. I like you. You’re a nice person. But I’m at rock bottom right now and if you keep talking then I’m going to lose it again. And I can’t go back to that place because I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull myself out of it.”

“What place?”

I go to answer but quickly press my lips together, grinding my teeth to refrain from admitting the truth. Don’t think about it, I tell myself. Despite my silent chides, I shiver over the memory of cold, grubby tile under my bleeding body. The way the blade felt against my skin. How…freeing it was knowing the helplessness would go away once and for all until I realized I wasn’t free at all.

That desperation is creeping its way back in, taunting me at another failed endeavor. I was homeless for no reason, but I still have more than I did last time I was booted out from under the roof sheltering me.

I have a job.

I have school.

I could ask Bea—

“Where’d you go?” Raine’s voice cuts in, distant, but thick with concern.

When I look at her again, I feel nothing. No energy. No anger. Only emptiness. And I don’t let myself go back to the days leading up to the ambulance taking me away because I know all too well what that would do to me.

I’m better now.

I’ve got something to work toward.

I have things to lose, which means there are things to fight for.

“Nowhere,” I rasp, anxiety