EMP Catastrophe by Hamilton, Grace (best ebook reader for pc .txt) 📕

Kathleen took a deep breath. The words were still like rocks inside of her, but she managed to sculpt a couple into something intelligent. “Thank you,” she said and gestured out toward the lawn where they had all stood not minutes before. “For what you did. Putting the kids first.”

Jade nodded once and sidestepped around Kathleen as if waiting for Kathleen to pounce on her. Kathleen swallowed hard, but before Jade cleared the porch, she paused and turned around. Kathleen met her gaze and watched as Jade bit her lower lip as if pondering whether she should speak.

“Who were they?” Jade asked.

Kathleen’s stomach dropped. The thin defensive barrier she’d kept between her and the world had effectively been shredded by Jade’s simple question. A simple question loaded with blood and action. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said, breathless.

Jade raised an eyebrow at her. “C’mon. Seriously. You can tell me. There’s only a couple of events in a person’s life that will give them that look in their eye.” She jabbed a finger at Kathleen for emphasis. “I would know.”

Kathleen’s cheeks flushed. She couldn’t meet Jade’s eyes but shook her head, looking at the ground. Jade had pinned her to the spot.

Jade made a sharp, pointed noise and took a few steps closer toward Kathleen. “You know, when I pointed the gun at gas station clerk, I was filled with terror. It was like a piece of ice inside of me. Freezing everything except the animalistic need to survive. I’ve known men like that before. I’ve been in worse situations with men like that, too. I didn’t want to be in it again. I thought, why should a piece of scum like that be allowed to live and hurt other people? Hurt another young woman like me?”

Jade paused as if waiting for Kathleen to fill the silence. Kathleen cleared her throat, desperate for this conversation to be over. Jade continued to speak. “It’s okay to be scared,” she said softly. “Fear is the thing that helps you survive. It’s letting go of it afterwards that’s hard.”

“Why did you do it, though?” Kathleen finally managed to ask. “How can you just forget about it?”

“I haven’t,” Jade said. “I’ve been scared every day since I pulled the trigger. You don’t just get over stuff like that, you know? I see it every time I close my eyes.” She looked up into the sky. “At the same time, I know I’d probably do it again. Matthew and David didn’t see the guy’s comments as threatening, but it’s different for a woman. To me, it was a clear threat. Not even thinly veiled. He would have taken everything I had all because he could. He’d have power over me and would take advantage of that. I want to call it self-defense, but I’m not sure the term fits, since he really didn’t do anything but make me feel unsafe. I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, though. Whatever happened to you, your life might not have been in danger like mine, but you were terrified.”

Kathleen’s mind felt as if she were drowning. Jade’s words echoed in her brain superimposed over the image of Andrew Lang’s face. She felt as though her heart had stopped. Maybe she was having a heart attack.

“I know you’re hiding something,” Jade finally said after Kathleen left another silence unfilled. “You’re not unscathed. The rest of your family walks on glass around you. They don’t want to set you off. Even if you don’t talk about it, it’s still there, still leaving its marks. You’ve changed and your family is trying to figure out how to handle it.”

A howl built inside of Kathleen’s chest. Jade had voiced the fears she’d been fighting ever since she made it back home. All her attempts to be normal and eliminate outside threats to her family had ended with her being the emotional trauma that was scarring her children and husband. She was what was wrong with the family.

Her breath escaped her in a whoosh. Jade suddenly seemed like a safe, neutral party who wouldn’t judge her. Jade only knew this Kathleen—she’d never met the Kathleen of before. The Kathleen who had never…

Had never…

Murdered. The Kathleen who had never murdered someone.

“I killed someone,” she whispered and her voice cracked. “Shot him in the neck. Watched him bleed out. For Allison. They wanted to…keep her. Use her. And I couldn’t. Jade, I couldn’t.”

The story poured out of her like a lanced wound. She explained everything in a rush and watched as Jade’s face softened with empathy before hardening with a new kind of respect. After Kathleen had finished telling her everything—even about how she’d watched Andrew bleed out on the concrete—Jade tightened her ponytail and said, “Sometimes death can be preferable to what could happen on the road. You had to defend yourself and your child. You wouldn’t let Allison be taken by anyone like that, would you? Would you kill him again if you could have a re-do on life?”

“I’d do it again,” Kathleen said, feeling cold inside at the realization.

“You were being threatened. Mine was only a perceived threat. If either of us had a right to defend ourselves, it was you.”

The validation eased something inside of Kathleen. Jade had nothing to gain from Kathleen’s story. She had an outsider’s perspective. She could tell Kathleen that Kathleen hadn’t scarred her daughter for life. She could tell Kathleen that Kathleen hadn’t ruined her marriage. Jade might not be a friend, but she was a woman who knew what it was like to hold a weapon in the face of a terrible situation and pull the trigger. Kathleen realized that made her kind of an ally.

“Thank you,” she whispered again.

Jade gave her the ghost of a smile. “Do you think…” The smile widened as if she was feeling foolish, but she pressed on. “Do you think Matthew and David will ever forgive me?