My Boyfriend's Back by Maureen McCarrie (book club reads .TXT) 📕

well,now. You could have been cruel to John Lydon, but intendedto be kind. You get a do-over."

"A do-over?"Yep. Definitely a dream.

"Yeah, but wehave to hurry. The ambulance is here and I have to get you back inyour body. I was running late because—"

"Right, NextBig Star."

"Gosh, thatgirl from Chicago is amazing, isn't she? The important thing, Jack,is that I bring you tidings of joy, and a second chance. You know—yadda yadda. Follow me!"

Dazed, stillconvinced he was dreaming, Jack followed Norman, who led him to adark form lying face-down in the snow. Exhausted, he allowed Normanto guide him down, felt a sudden tug that blurred the edges of theworld, and everything went from white back to black.

The archangelUriel stepped to the edge of the snowy road. A limousine lay on itsside. Emergency vehicles flashed red and blue lights. The driverwas being treated for minor wounds. He glanced around, and sawNorman escort the milky figure of Jack Lynch's spirit into thesolid, muscular body of John Lydon.

Uriel clenchedhis fists, wings quivering, celestial teeth grinding.

"Dammit!"

Chapter 5

Heaven, Officeof Human Resources

Norman waschewing his cuticles, jiggling his leg, and shedding Crunchios allover the carpet in the waiting room. He heard an occasionalmurmuring voice and was sure it was Uriel. He heard the vaguenoises of office staff moving paperwork about. But mostly he heardMetraton, who was pretty ticked off.

Metraton, TheVoice of God, had been forced to make a trip to HR because ofNorman. They would clip his wings, he was sure of it. His firstassignment, and he'd get clipped. Could it possibly get worse?

The leg he wasjiggling got jigglier. A cherub wearing an ankle monitoring devicecame by with a hand-vacuum and sucked up Crunchios.

"Hey Sid."Norman remembered Sidney from Basic Celestial Ethics class. Lasthe'd heard Sid was placed among the lower cherubim, and got a sweetgig as a cupid. "What happened?" He nodded to the ankle.

"Jesse Jamesand Sandra Bullock."

Norman hissed."That was you?"

"I missed, ok?It happens! She'll be fine."

Sid stormedoff.

Uriel openedthe door in front of Norman, curling a finger at him. He took adeep breath, adjusted his backpack on his shoulder, and steppedforward to face the music.

Metraton wasstanding in the corner of the room, his wings extended andbristling. He was huge. He'd always scared the crap out of Norman,and it wasn't just the fact that he was The Voice of God. It wasn'teven his sheer size and imposing presence.

Metraton justgave off a vibe that said "no tolerance." He was like one of thoseprincipals who'd served in the military before settling down to runa reform school. Those guys never stopped wearing the buzz cut. Hewas, in short, a hard-ass.

Norman gulpedand tried not to pee.

"Do you have anexplanation?"

This wastricky. Norman did, in fact, have an explanation, but the basicgist of that explanation involved him screwing up prettyseriously.

"Erm." As anopener it lacked panache. Norman glanced at Uriel, who refused tomeet his gaze.

Metraton pickedup the manilla folder in front of him. "I assume you read the file,cover to cover, and had a plan in place to complete what shouldhave been a very simple task?"

"Erm."

"Indeed. Youwere to show up at the scene of the accident, greet the subject,sooth his fears, praise his goodness, and return him to his body sothat he could continue on with a blessed and fulfilling life. Thiswas to be a reward. It has become a mess."

Norman gulpedand opened his mouth—

"If you sayerm again I will smite you."

He didn't sayerm. He didn't say anything. Uriel sighed.

"Metraton, thedamage is done. All we can do now is move forward from here."

"And have youexplained to Norman that we have a further complication?"

"I was waitingto chat with you before I got into that."

"Oh,well, certainly let's you and I chat before we breakthe news. Well, since we've had our chat," Metraton spat theword, "I'll fill him in, shall I? Jack Lynch won't let us put himback in his own body. John Lydon is in a coma. His soul islingering at the edges of existence, very confused."

Uriel leanedover and whispered "we gave him one of those hand-held video gamesystems He seems entertained. Likes the little hedgehog. Not thebrightest bulb on the tree."

Metratonsilenced Uriel with a glare.

"Thepoint is Jack has saddled us with a bit of a problem. Thepaperwork alone is going to be a nightmare. We have a soulswapping— an unauthorized soul swapping. Since John wassupposed to die, and Jack to get a second chance, I had to applyfor both an extension and a release form A47-442."

Norman stared.Were those actual crickets chirping or was that in his head?

"A47-442? Notringing any bells? Standard Permission to Occupy Recently VacatedBody with Substitutional Soul? I have only issued four of these inhistory, Norman. And this is me speaking. I've been aroundfor all of history."

Uriel steppedforward, biting his lip. "I think Norman understands hiserror."

"Oh, I doubtit." Metraton was quivering with rage. "But there is very little Ican do about it. And while I would like to fire you on the spot,Norman, I am not authorized to do so. But I do speak for Him. Andthis is straight from the desk of the CEO, Norman. You and Jackhave one thing in common. You are both getting a second chance.Neither of you will get a third."

Metraton, Voiceof God, had the unique ability to actually speak in italics. Theystung a bit. Norman waggled a pinky finger around in his ear. Itwas still vibrating.

Handing thefile to Uriel with a snap, Metraton turned his back on Norman.

"Fix it. Theadjustments have been noted in the file. Don't let this idiot outof your sight until you are sure Jack understands the renewedterms. And anything else he does that meets with mayhem is going tobe on your head, Uriel."

Hevanished.

The roomtrembled with the final echoes of his rage. Norman couldn't seem toraise his head, but he looked up at Uriel through his lashes.

"I'm wickedsorry, Uri." And he truly was.

Uriel sighedand patted Norman on the back. There was a muffled click, a weakpop, and one of his wings deployed.

The archangelflicked a Crunchio off his immaculately white sleeve. "Fix yourwing, kid, we have a lot of work to do."

Chapter 6

EllingtonMemorial Hospital, Hammond,