The Crush by Ward Penelope (best book recommendations txt) 📕

If I’m coming across as a bit desperate for this man—well, I guess that’s right. But consider the fact that he was my very first crush. The crush. My only crush. Many years of unrequited longing had led me here. Also consider that he’s ten times more attractive now, having morphed into a full-on man. The additional fact that I was now actually old enough to entertain my fantasies didn’t help. I didn’t want to want him. I just did. He was the last person I should’ve been setting my sights on, because this was futile. But you can’t choose who you’re attracted to.

We drove in silence for a couple of minutes until I said, “Thank you for driving me. I appreciate it.”

He glanced over. “No problem.”

I braced myself. “What are you doing tonight?”

He hesitated. “Probably heading to Linnea’s.”

Linnea was a girl I knew he’d been seeing. I’d heard him talking to Nathan about her and spotted her in his truck once.

“Are things getting serious with her?”

He shrugged. “I don’t really get serious with anyone. I just spend more time with certain people than others.”

I nodded slowly. “I see.”

While that made me feel a tad better, it also meant there was likely more than one girl he’d been “spending time” with.

“Do you regret moving back to Palm Creek?” I asked.

“Why would you think that?” he asked after a moment.

“Isn’t it obvious? In North Carolina, you owned your own place. You had a great job, from what I understand. Now you’re living with Nathan and me and working for your father. That’s a big change.” I paused to think. “Besides…I know not all of the memories here are good ones. I just thought—”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted. “My father needed me to run his business for a while. I had little choice in the matter, but being home has actually made me realize how much I missed it here. It’s not all bad.”

Jace’s dad, Phil, owned Muldoon Construction. Phil Muldoon had been undergoing treatment for throat cancer and needed help running the business side of things for a while. Since he had a business degree, Jace was the most equipped of his siblings to handle the task. Actually, Jace’s older half-brothers weren’t capable of anything at all, considering they were both unemployed drug addicts. So Jace had quit his property manager job in Charlotte before moving back here.

“Do you think you’ll stay permanently?”

“That depends on a lot of things. I’m just taking it one day at a time.”

“I know Nathan really appreciates the fact that you moved in with us. He’s not always the best with words and expressing his thanks. His pride gets in the way. But he sleeps better at night knowing we can pay the mortgage. I’m glad he wasn’t afraid to ask you to move in.”

“I kind of feel like I owe him, to be honest.”

“Why is that?”

He paused. “When things…happened…I disappeared. Went straight back to school. You know…”

This was the first time Jace had even vaguely alluded to what had “happened.” I’d never realized he felt guilty for going back to North Carolina after my parents were killed. That made sense, I supposed. But I certainly never faulted him for that decision. What was he supposed to do? Drop out of school, stay in Palm Creek, and suffer along with the rest of us? At the time, I’d envied the fact that he had somewhere else to go. Heck, I would’ve gone with him if I could’ve.

“You had to get back to school, had to continue your life. You had no choice—”

“There’s always a choice. And I do regret not being there for him…and for you. Now’s my opportunity to make up for that.” He glanced over at me. “You guys are like family.”

While a part of me liked hearing that, the other part didn’t care for the incestuous undertone of his statement.

He cleared his throat. “What is it about this confession thing at the bar you like so much?”

I shrugged. “I guess when you bottle up your feelings a lot, you envy those who have the courage to let them out.”

“You’ve never actually gone up there, then.”

“No…not yet anyway. Maybe at some point.”

He raised his eyebrows. “What are you waiting for?”

I chuckled. “Guts.”

“What are you scared of specifically?”

“Losing my ability to speak mostly, or worse, speaking in gibberish if I do manage to get the words out… Fainting, collapsing, being carted away to a mental hospital with padded walls. Stuff like that.”

“Catastrophic much?” He laughed. “But I get it. It’s not easy doing anything in front of an audience. I can’t blame you.”

“Yeah. I prefer to just listen for now. I find it very inspiring, even though I wish I had the balls to do it.”

“There’s no rush. When you’re ready, you will. Public speaking does take balls, but I would imagine it’s even harder when you’re sharing something personal.”

I nodded. “That’s exactly it. And I’d also need something interesting to confess. Sometimes people talk about painful things that have happened to them, but I’d prefer not to go there. I’d rather confess something juicy or funny rather than start bawling in front of strangers.”

“Don’t go doing anything stupid just so you have something to talk about. You’ll give your brother a heart attack.”

“It doesn’t take much to upset Nathan.”

He turned to me. “You don’t talk to him much, do you? He told me he never knows what you’re thinking.”

My brother has talked to Jace about me? “He did?”

“Yeah. I think he wishes you’d open up to him more.”

“I’m not very good at talking about certain things with anyone. I write down my thoughts to express myself, or sometimes I write fiction where the characters have gone through what I have. But I keep everything private. Even listening to certain songs that resonate helps me get stuff out. I meditate and do yoga sometimes, too. Talking has never been my thing, though.”

“As long as you have an outlet.”

“What’s your outlet?”

“Nothing as respectable as writing