D-Notice by Bill Walker (books to read for self improvement txt) 📕

the floor—his eyes focused on some imaginary point. “Because I was tired of sitting in dusty rooms listening to life going on around me. Because I couldn’t sit by anymore while thousands of my countrymen were dying. That’s why. And now the bastards are using it as leverage to put me where I can’t do them any harm.”

She grabbed him by his shoulders, forcing him to look her in the eye. “You know something don’t you? Wherever it was they sent you, you saw something they want to keep quiet.”

Michael nodded wearily and moved over to the brocaded love seat. He fell into it and the springs under the cushions groaned in protest. Lillian joined him, taking his hand in hers.

“They grilled me for eight hours, Lily. Eight bloody hours, asking me the same questions over and over again. And all through it I kept asking myself: Why is this so important? Why are they so bloody concerned about this one incident?”

“Was it that bad?”

He looked at her with haunted eyes. “I hope I never see anything like it again.”

“So, you asked them.”

“That was my mistake,” he said, shaking his head in disgust. “As long as I played the game their way, I was fine. But as soon as I showed them that I was more than their little wind-up toy, it was all over. They stared at me like I was some sort of bug, Lily. Even Sir Basil.”

“What did they say?”

“That I had no need to know. After all I went through for them. I had no need.” He shook his head. “And that’s when they told me that I was being transferred to Egypt, that a certain general officer required the services of a translator. Bloody crap. And they knew I knew it, too.”

“We’ll talk to Sir Basil,” she said, her voice taking on an edge. “We’ll make them rescind the order; we’ll threaten to tell their bloody little secrets....”

“You know I’ll never do that.”

“So, you’re just going to let them pack you off to the war, like a good little soldier. Let them have their way. Is that it?”

“Yes.”

Her lips trembled as the tears threatened to flow anew. “But, why, goddamnit?”

“Because I made a commitment, Lily. Because I want to make a difference. And they know it. Are Sir Basil and the others a bunch of treacherous bastards? Too right, they are. But I’m not going to stoop to their level. I can beat them at their own bloody game.”

“And what if you don’t?” she said, hating the quaver in her voice.

“My chances are better than good,” he said, caressing her face. “After all, I’m just a translator. I’ll be well back from the fighting most of the time. I’ll be fine. The truth is, it doesn’t really matter what they want. I need to do this, Lily, or I’ll go stark raving mad.”

And there it was, that blasted insufferable male ego that always raised its ugly head whenever reason tried to prevail. Like some prehistoric leviathan lumbering through a forgotten rain forest knocking down everything in its path, it would stumble blindly into whatever trouble it could, taking her husband along with it.

She cupped his face with her hands. “No. You don’t need to. You only think you do. I’m not blind, Michael. I see all those nasty looks, too. The ones from all those smug, self-important prigs who think they know what’s best for everybody else. The ones who think that you must be shirking your duty just because you fight from behind a desk. Somebody has to do that job, or the men in the field would be lost.”

Michael smiled at her, took her hands from his face and kissed them. “You’re right, dearest. But I don’t have a say anymore. I’m in for the duration and these are my orders. Would you rather see me in the glasshouse?”

“You can resign the bloody commission.”

“Yes, I suppose I could. And assuming I didn’t end up in prison anyway, I would very likely never have a proper job again. Or would you prefer being married to a penniless academic?”

She looked into his eyes and saw that his heart was set, and there was no other way to reach him, save for one.

“I would rather your son have a living father in jail or destitute, than a dead one he’ll mourn the rest of his life,” she said.”

He stared at her, his mouth gaping. It would have been funny under any other circumstances. Now, it only made her want to cry.

“My what?” he asked.

“I’m pregnant, Michael. We’re going to have a baby. I had it all planned to tell you over dinner the other night. Then this....”

She watched as a panoply of emotions flitted across his face, ending with a sad, ironic smile and a weary shake of his head. “Funny how things happen,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Just that if I’d known this two nights ago, I would have refused the mission, and they would have given it to someone else. Now, I can’t turn back.” He reached for her again. “I don’t want you to think I’m abandoning you, sweetheart, because I’m not. But I’ve got to do this. For me and our baby. I want him to grow up in a world where he’ll be free. And I’ll want him to be proud of me. Is that so wrong?”

She shook her head, tears stinging her eyes. “No, it isn’t.”

“Good. Then, I’ll ask Sir Basil to look after you, make sure you and the baby have all you need. It’s the least he can do.”

It