Stone Creek by Davis, Lainey (reading diary .TXT) 📕

I can tell whatever I've said has upset him. I feel concerned, and put a hand on his back. He turns, sharply, and says, "Oh, they'll make your dreams come true. Don't fucking worry about that. Jesus. Don't fucking do it, Dahlia. Don't take their money."

I don't even know what to say to him. "Neal, I've got nothing without this work-study job, ok? Nothing. I basically have to forge my worthless, drunk-ass dad's signature on the forms to even get this financial aide."

His face is softer now and he rubs my back. "I know how they rope you in. You think I could be here at SCU without a full ride for hockey? Look, it's just a lot of pressure is all."

I sigh and burrow into the covers. I'm suddenly feeling exhausted, but my body snaps to attention when I feel Neal's hand reaching up my leg. "What are you doing?" I ask him, one eyebrow raised.

He grins. "I've got two rubbers left, baby. You're not going to sleep yet."

~~~

Somewhere in the middle of the night, I slipped into exhausted sleep with Neal, crammed into the twin bed in my apartment. I felt torn about this, because while I found (to my surprise) that I wanted him to stay and sleep next to me, I was terrified someone would see him leaving my building in the morning. I really, really can't have anyone on the athletic staff or academic faculty find out that I crossed this line with my tutoring client.

Neal sort of took things out of my hands by falling asleep, and even though I tried to shake him awake a few times, he was out cold with his massive arm hugging me against his body. I spent a few minutes just enjoying the feel of his warm skin, and the next thing I know, his phone is vibrating like mad somewhere in his jeans on my floor.

He sits up and starts rubbing his eyes. I look at my clock radio and see that it's 5:30. "What the hell, Neal? Turn that thing off," I hiss at him. I don't need to be awake for another 3 hours at least, and I'm sure by now Linda can hear the sounds of Neal's belt buckle dancing across the hardwood as the vibrating phone shakes his jeans.

He's out of bed now, yanking on his clothes. "Duty calls," he says as he pulls his hat down, not even bothering to smooth the curls sticking out all over his head. I watch Neal tying his shoes in the glow of the streetlamp coming in through my blinds, and he looks exactly like he was up all night long having sex. I smile at this and notice a soreness between my legs.

I'm not going to be able to walk normally today, I realize, and this awareness gives me a thrill that surprises me. Neal drops a kiss on my forehead before leaving my room, and I'm surprised by this gesture, too. I really thought he'd leave as soon as we finished last night. Him sleeping here, I could chalk up to exhaustion. But the kiss? His lips were soft and his fingers curled into my hair as he pressed his lips into me. Not just a peck. It was a kiss goodbye. Surely that was a bit more than he would do for a random hookup?

I hear the apartment door shut behind him and I can't help but feel remorse, because this can never happen again. I've got too much riding on this. Like Neal said, it's a lot of pressure. But that kiss…

Eventually I fall back asleep, and am awoken a few hours later not by my alarm, but by Linda jumping on the edge of my bed. She kicks my leg, shouting, "Dahlia, wake your ass up and talk to me."

I open an eye and pull the sheets up over my naked chest as she plunks down beside me. "I. Heard. You. Last night. He was obviously still here when I got home!"

I groan and pull a pillow over my face, embarrassed that Linda heard me in bed with Neal. "He just left this morning," I whisper, as if he could hear me.

Linda smiles. "So it was good, right?"

I keep my face buried in the pillow and try to talk through the downy material. "Linda, it was…I didn't know what sex was supposed to feel like before that. I think he's ruined me for other men."

She laughs and eventually we grab breakfast before walking to campus together. She agrees that this shouldn't happen again. There is too much at risk, and if Professor Meyer gets word, the best case scenario is that they'd assign another tutor to Neal. Which would, of course, leave me without a funding stream.

She thinks for a moment. "There's what? 8 weeks left this semester? Just don't fuck him again until after finals and then you can spend all spring term doing booty calls if you want."

I shrug. "I'm sure it won't be a problem. I mean, why would he want to sleep with me again? He said he had a thing for my geek shirt, so he probably just wanted this one night with a nerd. These guys aren't known for sticking around." As I say it, I know it's true. I've seen the girls in their leggings and fur boots, hanging around the hockey arena. I've seen them at bars and I've seen them at parties, half naked. Neal Sweeney isn't the type for long-term love. He and his teammates are all about notching bedposts.

"Well, Dahlia," she says, "It's not like you're famous for long-term relationships, either." I scoff at this. "What? It's true, girl. You kick them to the curb after you have sex with them once."

I wince as I move my legs, the evidence of last night very present. "Maybe I would have