Not My Mother by Miranda Smith (lightweight ebook reader .txt) 📕

her hand, turning up the volume on the television. Maybe I can finally figure out what it is Evan wants from me.

“A very short walk,” I say, following him out the door.

25 MarionNow

This is my favorite time of night for viewing the seaside. Tonight, the sun is resting just above the water, casting orange beams through the steel-blue skies. Within twenty minutes, ten maybe, the entire sky will be gray, and another ten minutes after that, stars will blink in the distance. The heat of the day is gone, and a strong breeze cuts through the air between us.

Evan walks a safe distance away from me. Too close, it could be misinterpreted. Too far, we wouldn’t be able to hear each other over the wind and waves. We leave our sandals by the ramp, walking closer to the water’s edge. I always like to walk with my feet in the water, dying waves splashing at my shins. Evan prefers to stay in the sand at that precise point where the water recedes again.

We’ve walked several minutes, and still not said anything.

“What did you want to talk with me about?” I ask.

“I want to know if you’re okay, you know, with everything.”

“I’m fine,” I say, brushing a strand of hair off my neck. “You must have had some reason for wanting to get in touch before my life went to hell.”

“You’re always so blunt.”

“And you always take too long to say what’s on your mind.”

“You know I’m moving back.” He rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “I guess I’m wondering how you feel about that, but I feel ridiculous bringing it up considering what’s going on with Eileen.”

“I hope you aren’t moving back here because of me,” I say, knowing that’s a little too harsh. Evan is being open with me, and it’s not technically his fault the timing sucks.

“I’m moving back here because I want to be here,” he says. “North Bay is my home.”

That’s not what he said when we broke up. He talked about wanting to get as far away from North Bay as he could. He wanted to take me with him. Three years. He has been gone three years. And with everything that has happened during that time, we’re still not sure where we stand with each other.

“We’re not the same people we were before you left for Sanderson.”

“Don’t I know it.”

I stop walking, my feet sinking into the mucky sand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve just come a lot farther than I have, I guess.”

“Come on, you have your degree now. I’m sure you’ve already got a job lined up.”

“I’m opening up my own practice, actually.”

“Does Carmen know that?” I ask. She’s one of the few defense attorneys in the area.

“She’s always complaining about her workload. I don’t think she’ll mind sharing the pot. She’s even offered to help me get started.”

The thought of not being in a relationship with Evan is a bearable one, as is the idea of him living halfway across the country without me. But swallowing the fact that he’ll live mere minutes away from me, yet still not be in my life, irks me. I don’t like the idea of bumping into him at the grocery store or at a restaurant, the likelihood of Des scheming to have us around each other, knowing Carmen is helping him navigate his new career. It’s selfish, but life is easier having him away. At least then I don’t have to confront my feelings.

Of course, as much as I like pretending North Bay is my town, it’s his too. He has as many connections to this place as I do. And his sister, Cassie, still lives here. He’s the doting uncle to her kids. I only wish it hadn’t taken him so long to figure out where he belongs.

“Was it worth it?” I ask. “Going to Sanderson?”

“Going to Sanderson, yes. But I wish other things could have been different.”

Is he referring to me? At times, I think the same thing. But I’m imagining a different Evan and a different Marion. A life before Ava existed. There’s too much change now.

“Have you been happy since I left? Before everything that happened with Eileen, I mean.”

“Yes.”

It’s true. A series of moments flash before my mind, almost all of them including Ava. She’s been the prize in all this. The rainbow after the storm that was losing Evan.

“That’s all I wanted to hear.” He pauses. “She’s beautiful, by the way. Des has shown me pictures but seeing her in person… it’s unbelievable. She looks just like you.”

I smile, thinking of Ava. Thinking of Evan. These thoughts are comforting, but I need to stay focused.

“It would be easier if you weren’t dropping by all the time. I know you’re just trying to help Des, but you know how she is. She’s meddling. Mom’s case is my biggest priority right now, after Ava, of course.”

“I understand. Where do things stand with Eileen?”

Mom and Evan always got along. I can hear her now, celebrating the idea we’re on this beach together. Of course, I’m thinking of the person I remember before I knew Sarah Paxton existed.

“Doesn’t Des give you updates?”

“She does. But I’d rather hear it from you.”

“Carmen says the police are looking into Mom’s past. They’re trying to find witnesses, anything that connects her to the Baby Caroline shitshow.”

“It’s good Carmen is on the case.”

“Yeah, she’s a good friend. She’s pissed at me right now, though.”

“How come?”

“How much have you followed the case?”

“Enough. It was a mystery to me until a few days ago. Never knew Baby Caroline was a thing.”

“Yeah, me either. Anyway, Caroline’s—my—parents were the Parkers. And Amelia Parker showed up at my house yesterday. She wanted to talk with me, so I did.”

“What did she have to say?”

“She just wants to get to know me. I mean, think about what this woman has been through. Her daughter was taken. Her husband was murdered. And the police think Mom is to blame for