Mr. Darcy's Diary by Amanda Grange (books for students to read .txt) π
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- Author: Amanda Grange
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could not stop her without it seeming particular. I did
not like to hear her abusing Miss Lydia Bennet, no matter how justified her censure. To abuse someone else
never sounds well.
As I thought it, I felt myself grow uneasy. I had abused
Lydia in just such a way, and to her sister. It was small
wonder that Elizabeth had not liked to hear it. I had congratulated myself at the time for my honesty, but I began
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to agree with my cousin, that some things, no matter
how truthful, are better left unsaid.
βHer father no doubt feels the sea air will do the family good,β I remarked.
But Caroline was not to be quelled.
βHer father does not take her. He does not like to take
any trouble where his family are concerned.β
βHe has let her go to Brighton in the care of her
mother?β I asked, before I could stop myself.
βLydia does not go with her mother. She goes alone,
in the company of Colonel and Mrs Forster.β
I could not believe that even Mr Bennet would be so
negligent as to let a girl of Lydiaβs temperament go to a
watering-place without her family. She would surely disgrace them, and thereby disgrace Elizabeth. My poor
Elizabeth! How I felt for her, and how I railed against the
injustice of the situation. Her name would be tarnished
by a sister over whom she had no control.
And yet, unjust though it was, had I not tarnished her
with the faults of her family, and had I not told her that
she was beneath my notice because her sisters behaved
badly?
I find it difficult to believe that I was so ungenerous,
but I know that such was the case.
What was it she said to me? That I was ungentlemanlike? How well the remark was deserved. If I had been
going to tell her that I never wished to see her again,
then there might have been an excuse for letting her see
in what low esteem I held her, but to tell her she was not
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A M A N D A G R A N G E
my equal, to say that I would be lowering myself to connect myself to her, and then to have the audacity to ask
for her hand! And to ask for it in such a way, as though I
had every expectation of being accepted! I cannot
believe that I, who have always prided myself on my fairness and good judgement, could have behaved so badly.
To divert Caroline from any further discussion of the
Bennets, I asked her about her brother. She told me of
his affairs in the north, and said how pleased they were
to be invited to Pemberley again for the summer.
I watched Bingley as we spoke of general matters,
interested to see if he singled out any young lady for his
attentions. Again, he did not. He spoke to every young
lady there, he laughed and was gay, and yet there was
something in his manner that was reserved, as though he
held some small part of himself back.
βDoes your brother have a flirt in the north?β I asked
Caroline.
βNo. No one has taken his fancy.β
βYou do not think he still has feelings for Miss Bennet?β
βNone in the world,β she answered decidedly.
But I think she is wrong. I mean to watch him to
make sure, but once I am convinced, I mean to speak to
him and tell him that I was wrong about Jane being
indifferent to him. I must mend the damage I have done.
Monday 23rd June
I presented Georgiana with a new parasol this morning,
and I was pleased to see how much pleasure it gave her.
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M r . D a r c y β s D i a r y 1 9 1
The colour was particularly becoming to her complexion.
As I thought this, I could not help my thoughts going
to Elizabeth. Her complexion was always healthy. She
liked the outdoors, and was always walking, which
brightened her eyes and made her face glow.
Where is she now? Is she at Longbourn? Does she
think of me? Does she despise me, or has she forgiven
me?
Wednesday 25th June
I am now convinced that Bingley is still in love with Jane
Bennet. I have watched him for more than six weeks, and
I know that the time is fast approaching when I must tell
him what I have done.To take it upon myself to tell him
whom he should and should not marry was an act of
arrogance, and to employ the art of deceit to carry my
way was impertinence of the worst kind.
βYou look pensive, Darcy,β said Colonel Fitzwilliam,
coming up beside me. βHas Bingley done something to
worry you?β
βNo. It is I who have done something to worry him.β
βOh?β
βI think I spoke to you once of a friend I had saved
from a disastrous marriage. I am beginning to think I was
wrong to interfere.β
βIt seemed to me as though you had done him a service.β
βAnd so I thought, at the time, but he has lost his
interest in young ladies since then.β
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βThe young man was Bingley, was he not?β
I admitted it.
βHe is young. He will find someone else.β
βI am not so sure. At the time I thought I was acting
through kindness, but I see it differently now. It was
interference.β
βThen you are in harmony with Miss Bennet!β
βMiss Bennet?β I asked.
βYes. Miss Elizabeth Bennet. She was of the opinion it
was interference as well. Oh, never fear,β he said, as he saw
my expression. βI gave her no particulars, only that you
had saved Bingley from a disastrous match. I did not mention the ladyβs name, indeed I did not know it.You need
not be afraid that she might have known the family.β
I said nothing. Indeed, I was too horrified to speak. So
Elizabeth had heard of my meddling, and she had heard
of it in a congratulatory fashion, with my cousin, in all
innocence, telling her how
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