Tested by Fire by David Costa (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📕

‘Where’s your mother now? Is she still in Larne?’

‘Yes, in a way. She’s buried there.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry, Joseph.’

‘No reason to be sorry, everyone dies. If you smoked as much as she did then that time comes sooner than it should. She smoked all her life and the cancer sticks caught up with her in the end. It wasn’t until she was gone that I really realised how hard life had been on her, yet she’d raised seven children practically on her own.’

‘Seven? Christ that would be a struggle. Did you ever marry and have kids?’

‘Yes, married twice and lived to regret it or should I say survived. I’ve two grown-up boys from the first marriage, one living in America and the other in the North of England, we don’t talk.’

‘What happened, or don’t you want to talk about it?’

‘Like all marriages the start was OK then come the children, both of us working to bring in the money to keep the roof over our heads. Then comes the drifting apart like passing ships in the night. We didn’t know each other anymore. Then I found out she was having an affair with the husband of one of her friends. I challenged them both, but they denied it to my face. Then came the rows the arguments long into the night. I remembered how as a child I used to lay awake listening to my parents arguing, the loud voices the horrible words. It was then I decided I didn’t want them to go through what I had as a child. One night after another long argument into the early hours I asked her what she’d do if the boys were grown up and left home. She didn’t hesitate. I’d leave you was all she said. I told her I thought the same and there was no sense in keeping the marriage together for the sake of the children if there was no love anymore. We both agreed to see the solicitors the following day and that was it, really. The hardest thing was me leaving the family home leaving the two boys behind. I remember the first rented house I moved to after leaving. The thing I noticed most was the silence without the boys running around. But she was the first-class bitch I’d been arguing with. She got the house. She squeezed me for every penny she could get always using the boys against me, telling them I didn’t love them and trying to dictate when I could see them. It was a constant battle. After two years the divorce came through and guess what?’

‘She took up with the other guy.’

‘Not only that. He left his wife and kids, moved in with my ex, and married her.’

‘How did that make you feel?’

‘Strangely relieved. I’d been vindicated. It wasn’t all my fault after all. She was the cheating bitch I said all along, but now she’d made her bed, she could lie in it. I concentrated on my work and any spare time I had was dedicated to the boys. I would have them three night a week, when work allowed, and during school holidays. But it was never enough and eventually, I guess they held things against me; blamed me for all their problems. As they got older, got married, had children of their own…we just didn’t seem to talk anymore, we just got on with our own lives I suppose. They listened to the poison their mother liked to spout about me. It angered her that I could survive on my own, and when the boys finished school and the money she was bleeding from me stopped, she hated me even more.’

‘Families can hurt you more than enemies sometimes. I’m an only child so I was lucky, and Brendan and I never had children, thank God. Can you just imagine what he would have been like as a father, no, that side of my life worked out OK for me.’

Reece could see a sadness in her eyes as she spoke of something close to her heart. She would have made a good mother, he thought.

‘But what about us, Joseph? Where do we stand?’ She didn’t ask about the second wife and divorce and he was happy with that, another story for another time.

It was the question that had been keeping him awake at night but now it needed an answer, a decision for both.

‘You know I said that while we’re working on this Costello thing I needed to be as professional as possible and afterwards we could talk about our feelings for each other. Yes, Mary, that’s right…I have feelings for you.’

She was quiet, letting him talk, she smiled. This gave him the courage to continue.

‘I think I should be honest. I’ve had feelings for you since the first day I saw you in Newry then followed you to Belfast.’

‘I’m glad you followed me.’

‘This job can get in the way of relationships, you don’t have to tell me, I know. But this time I won’t let it. The Costellos of this world will have to wait. For this hour at least.’

He took her hand. He could feel the warmth of her soft skin as she squeezed his fingers. She watched him expectant but not knowing what. Then still holding her hand he said, ‘Let’s go.’

They left the bar still holding hands walking back to the Range Rover. She didn’t feel awkward, everything with Joseph felt natural, meant to be, and if she was honest with herself, exciting. As they reached the Range Rover, she could see their reflection in its window. The street lights lit up the car park. Then without warning, he stopped and turning to face her she felt his arm around her waist while he held her face gently with his other hand. He pulled her closer