The Missing by Kiersten Modglin (essential books to read txt) 📕

have been distracted. He wouldn’t have fallen to his death. If I’d been more careful, he’d still be alive. I’d have to live with that truth for the rest of my life, however short it may be.

If we ever made it off the island, I’d have to tell that truth to his family. To his daughter. I’d have to tell her that his final thoughts were with her. I’d have to watch her face crumple as she sobbed into her only remaining father’s chest.

I’d have to do it all and know that somehow, on some level, it was all my fault.

I sat up on my knees, my head hung low as I sobbed, letting the emotion overtake me. What was the point of any of it? If we were all going to die—and without Harry, we surely were—what was the point of fighting it anymore? We’d be better off spending the rest of our lives playing in the ocean until the heat or hunger took us out than trying to find a way back home.

It was obvious now that was never going to happen.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered again, closing my eyes. My head was heavy, chest tight. Nothing made sense. Everything hurt, every thought shattered me from the inside. He was a stranger, yet he was a friend. I barely knew him, and yet, I loved him.

He didn’t deserve this.

I let myself collapse next to him, staring into the distance where his glasses lay as my vision blurred with tears and anger.

He didn’t deserve this.

Where was Noah? When would he come back?

He didn’t deserve this.

I closed my eyes and faded into the darkness, hoping by some miracle, I’d wake up and find out this had all been a dream.

Chapter Eighteen

When I awoke, dusk had begun to settle, but I was still alone. Noah hadn’t returned.

At realizing that, I sat up quickly, my body stiff from the ground. I let go of Harry’s hand, placing it gently on his stomach and standing up. Why hadn’t Noah come back? Had he abandoned me? It was going to be dark soon, and I had no idea which way home was, nor enough time to get there. I also had no idea how to build a fire.

I looked toward the sack on the ground, kicking it gently. There were three coconuts left and I had our two machetes, but Noah had taken the gun with him.

I was alone in the woods with no one to help me bury Harry and no one to help me survive the night.

I turned to walk away from Harry, though I desperately didn’t want to leave him alone, and grabbed the two machetes from the ground. I couldn’t carry two efficiently, but the idea of leaving one there for someone else to find was terrifying. I took a step toward the woods and heard a crunch.

No.

His glasses.

I stepped back, my skin crawling with repulsion. How could I have forgotten they were there? I bent down, trying to make out the frames in the shadows, and picked them up. They’d twisted, one side turned upward and its lens completely shattered. I cursed under my breath, tears filling my eyes once again as the pain of his loss was suddenly front and center again. I turned the frame correctly, folding the glasses and placing them in the pocket of his shirt. He couldn’t be buried without them, and I knew that was what would come next. After I managed to find Noah.

If I managed to find Noah.

I turned away from Harry’s body as a bird flew overhead, its body casting a shadow over mine. As I neared the edge of the woods, I saw the white shape of a body sitting on a rock. For a second, I thought it must be the woman, but then I saw the dark of his hair, buried in his hands.

“Noah?” I called, rushing forward. I moved quickly. He wasn’t moving. Had he been hurt? What was he doing?

As I neared him, I realized his shoulders were shaking with sobs.

“Noah, what is it? What’s going on?”

He looked up at me, his eyes shadowy and brimming with tears. He shook his head.

“I can’t do it,” he barely managed to choke out.

“Can’t do what?”

“I can’t do it. I can’t see him like that. I can’t watch him die. He’s going to die…”

Finally starting to understand what was happening, I bent down onto my knees, placing a hand on his thigh. “Noah, he’s…he’s already gone.” I meant it to sound gentler, but it came out matter-of-fact. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize the two of you were so close.” Honestly, it completely confused me. I’d never seen them do anything other than fight.

He rubbed his eyes forcefully. “We weren’t.” He sniffled, shaking his head. “I hate this shit, man.”

“I know, it’s hard…” I patted his leg carefully, still confused.

“My brother died when I was six. Freak accident. I saw it happen…” He shuddered, giving in to the tears again. “I can’t watch people die. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you to do it alone. I just couldn’t be there…”

“I…” The confession made me breathless. He’d never intended to get anything to help Harry. He’d already known it was too bad to save him. He’d walked away so he didn’t have to watch him die. “Oh, Noah… I’m so sorry.”

His face scrunched uncomfortably, fresh tears glimmering in the moonlight. “I shouldn’t have left you alone. I was a coward—”

“You weren’t—”

“I was—”

I grasped his face between my palms, forcing him to look at me. “You weren’t.” I paused, staring at him with what I hoped was a kind-but-forceful gaze. “You did what you had to do to protect yourself. You went through something traumatic, something most people can’t even begin to understand, and this brought back memories. It makes sense, Noah. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He stared at me, silent for a moment, his eyes darting back and forth between mine. Then, without warning, he shoved forward,