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to keep your eyeballs off the best-looking women on the premises. You want the most attractive date possible, but aren't you tired of getting your ego bruised every time you say hello?

Women, it's easier for you to go after men within your own attractiveness range because women usually are more appreciative of inner qualities.

Start by taking a good look at yourself in the mirror.

(Go ahead, you can cheat. Get all gussied up first.) Eyeball yourself objectively. Rate yourself on th1e0scale. (If you need some help, ask your closest friend.) Are you a four, a six, an eight, better? Now, with that number in mind, look at the Quarry you are trying to score with. Rate him or her on the same scale. If your Quarry is one or two points within your range, go for it. If not, forget it. The studies show you're wasting your time.

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Do you enjoy kisses and cuddles? The psychologists also predicted that couples similar in attractiveness would be more affectionate. They observed couples at parties and singles' gathering spots. And they guessed right. Whether the couple was two ''beautie s'' or two "uglies," they seemed happier and played footsie a lot more if they were of similar attractiveness. A full 6o percent of the similar couples nuzzled each other, 46 percent of the moderately similar couples caressed, and only 22

percent of the le ss similar couples ever touched each other.

It seems that birds of a feather flock togetherβ€”at least when it comes to plumage.

TECHNIQUE #49:

MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL

To dramatically increase your chances of success with new Quarry, only pursue prey within one or two points' difference on the attractiveness scale. This technique also ups the odds on lifetime happiness with your partner.

Now it's time to move on to the next two commodities on the equity scale: possessions (or money) and status (or prestige).

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While writing this book, I excitedly told anyone who would listen that I was exploring what science says makes people fall in love. If my listeners were single and searching, I'd then ask them what type of partner they'd like to make fall in love with them. Sometimes, after the first wave of predictable answers like someone kind, loving, and intelligent, came another swell. Some love-seekers gushed about finding a lover who was rich, powerful, cultured, and even high-class.

It is with a degree of embarrassment that I write this sensitive chapter, but the market dictates. If you've set your sights on Quarry way above your own status, you need special trappings. In other parts of the book there are techniques to come across as more attractive, intelligent, gracious, and kind. Now let's talk about how to come across as richer, more refined, higher class, or higher status to attract like Quarry.

The Look of Money

What special hunting outfit do you need to pursue pedigreed prey? Obviously, you're going to leave your Hawaiian shirt and polyester pantsuit in the closet. Rich birds have a special eagle Page 182

eye for those of the same expensive feathers. The look of wealth goes from your haircut right down to your feet. Don't try to sneak one cheap detail into your ensemble. Spring for a fifty-dollar haircut, an expensive watch, real gold jewelry. It shows.

A pair of K mart shoes stands out like a sign flashing imposter in otherwise million-dollar duds. Better to sport twenty-dollar socks fraying at the ankle than new cheapies you picked up in the supermarket checkout line.

TECHNIQUE #50:

LET YOUR RAGS SHOW RICHES

Gentlemen, go for one handmade suit. Make sure your tailor is expert in the delightfully arcane details of flaps, vents, lapels, and stitching.

Ladies, you can dress off the rack, but make sure the rack has a recognizable designer's name over it.

When chasing costly Quarry, make sure nothing adorns your body that costs less than $100, with the possible exceptions of your socks and undies.

The Sound of Class

Another obvious class determinant is language.

Talking rich does not mean flinging out fakeries like,

"When my chauffeur drove me to Elizabeth Arden this morning in my Bentley . . ."doItesmean paying attention to the words you drop. Avoid low-class klunkers.

Using euphemisms for certain words reveals lower stature. In England, where people are more conscious (or at least less embarrassed) about matters concerning class, a writer named Nancy Mitford wrote a magazine article about upper-class and non-upper-class language, orU(for upper-class) and Non-U (for non-upper-class, or lower-class) language.44

As soon as the magazine hit the newsstands, it caused a national frenzy. As Phillip Toynbee put it in the London

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Observer, the article became a sort of a "How to Tell Your Friends from the Apes." Mitford gave examples of U and Non-U words. For example, a very proper upper-class Brit, upon being

introduced, would say, "How do you do?" The other very upper-class Brit would nonsensically repeat the question back: "How do you do?" However, a lower-class, or Non-U, Brit, upon being asked, ' How do you do?" would actually have the crassness to answer the question: "Very well, thank you,'' or, worse,

"Pleased to meet you, I'm sure."

Another big giveaway of apelike status is using euphemisms. Lower classes used words like wealthy , whereas the upper classes called it like it is,rich. The Non-U crowd euphemized lavatory paper , whereas upper-class folks said toilet paper .

Do we do make these same upper- and lower-class judgments in America? Yes, unfortunately, we do. In a way, it's worse here because we don't admit it.

When pursuing pedigreed prey, simply stamp out euphemisms. Call a spade a spade. It's toilet, not little boys' room . It's penisand vagina , not pecker and pussy. When they talk about their family jewels, the American U crowd is referring to the ones in the crude, resort to French. Backsideis out.

Derriereis in.

TECHNIQUE #51:

LET YOUR TONGUE SHOW RICHES

To trap pedigreed prey, you needn't collect upper-class words and memorize them, but do cut the euphemisms. (Don't forget to use

theEchoingtechnique. It will save you from making many faux pas.)

safe on the wall. If a word is just too When socializing with

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