Lucky Girl by Jamie Pacton (novels for beginners txt) 📕

me so you could find out what Bran knew about the lotto ticket?”

Holden lets out a frustrated breath. “Did you really think we were going to stay together forever, Jane? We’re seventeen. We’re in high school, for fuck’s sake. Stuff like that doesn’t last.”

Two years of my life is only “stuff like that” to him? Grrr.

“I know that now,” I snap. “But I didn’t think you’d go away to stockbroker camp or whatever and come back a totally different person. I thought that during these last few weeks, you were back to your old self, but I can see nothing comes before your rich-guy aspirations.”

Holden looks away from me, running a hand through his hair. He has the good grace to look conflicted for a moment, as if he’s still trying to decide which person he wants to be. All our time together recently has shown me that somewhere in there is the boy I fell in love with. But he’s warring with the materialistic douchebag Holden has become.

“I didn’t think I would change either, Jane,” Holden says softly.

“Why not be happy with what you have?” I sound pitiful, even to my own ears. Tears rise in my eyes as I think of the questions I’m not saying: Why can’t I—or why couldn’t we—be enough for you?

“It’s not that I was unhappy—”

“You said you were. The night you broke up with me.” I swipe at my tears, and Bran honks his horn twice, watching us intently. I wave to him, letting him know I’m fine. Holden watches the whole interaction and waves to Bran too. Bran flips him off.

“I was just saying that to make a clean break, I think.” Holden shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s complicated. I did—I do—love you, but like I told you the other night on the lake, I want more. My family has lived in this town for generations. Everyone thinks that Jones boys will stay in the family business, get married at St. Paul’s on Main Street, have some kids, go to family gatherings, and then the cycle will repeat itself. There’s nothing wrong with that, maybe, but I just can’t handle all the sameness anymore.”

My heart cracks just that much more. But I strive to see things from his perspective. Because I loved him for so long, I can’t help but try.

“It’s okay to want more,” I say. “I want more than this town and this life too, but why burn everyone you love to get what you want?”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

“What are you trying to do, then?”

He shakes his head. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. Look, Jane. Give me the ticket. Let me cash it for you. I’ll give you five million dollars, then you’re set for life.”

“How generous of you. What are you going to do with the remaining fifty-three million dollars?”

“It’s likely just thirty million after taxes.” Holden stands up and kicks at the bottom stair.

I roll my eyes. “Okay, thirty million. What will you do with that?”

He shrugs. “Help my parents out. Our store is struggling right now, and I could either get them out of debt or give them enough money to quit working altogether. I’d give them, like, three million.”

“Leaving you with twenty-seven million to play with?”

Holden nods. “That’s about right. I’d finally get to live the life I’ve been dreaming of.”

“The life you’ve been dreaming of since stockbroker camp in July.” My tone is flat.

“Whatever, Jane. You can be mad, but you need me. Think about it. This way, you can keep some of the money yourself, and you can use that to help your mom or move to Maui or whatever. And this way, you help me out too. Win-win.”

Is this a win? Or my only option? Is this a good idea? I don’t know, but I’m too angry at Holden to even seriously consider it.

“You think I want to help you out by letting you live the fantasy life you’ve been dreaming of for the last three months? So you can be just like your camp roommate, Fenton.”

“Finn.”

“Whatever.” I cross my arms and scoot over on the porch step, getting as far away from Holden as possible, so I can think.

Yes, I do need someone to cash the ticket. Otherwise, it’s useless. But is giving it to Holden the right idea?

Holden sits down again, so he’s right beside me. “Maybe in a few years, we could get back together when I’m living in New York or you have a house in Maui. Just think, Blue.”

Blue.

Short for Bluefin.

It’s the nickname he gave me early in our relationship because my first name has tuna in it, my favorite color is blue, and I love marine biology. And because couples do stuff like give each other nicknames that they might normally hate. I was Blue; he was Marlin. It was ridiculous, and I loved it because it made me feel special.

But to deploy it now, when he’s trying to get me to make him a multimillionaire? Low blow.

“How do you know I’d even want to ever get back together with you?”

Holden laughs. “Jane, don’t pretend you haven’t been thinking about it. I know I have.”

He runs a finger along the top of my hand, and I shiver. His touch still does me in. Dammit. But how can I ever trust him again?

“I loved you, Holden, past tense. But that was the old you. I don’t want anything to do with this new you.”

Holden’s finger stops moving along my hand. He swears softly.

“Fine,” he says. “We can pretend that everything between us is gone, but I’m still your best choice for cashing this ticket.”

“You’re not my only choice.”

“What are you going to do? Give it to your mom? We both know how that will end up.” He gestures to the yard full of junk and the porch piled high with stuff.

It’s one thing for us all to be thinking it. It’s another for Holden to say it out loud, and it makes me weirdly protective