Following Me by Linde, K.A. (good e books to read txt) 📕

me to do things atany time or any place, holding me down, sometimes choking me.  He would comehome to find me in the shower and turn the water to the hottest temperature itwould go.  He would bend me over into the scalding spray, and we would have sexlike that.  I remember him waiting for me when I got home from school late onenight.  He threw me over the hood of his car and told me to be a good girl.  Wehad sex at the end of the driveway under a streetlight. Anyone could have seenus.  And I let him.”

Garrett was staring at her with amixed expression.  She wasn’t sure how much she should read into it.  He lookedreally interested in what she was saying. How could she blame him?  Shewas talking to a guy about sex, about a particular form of rough sex that hehad likely never experienced.  The interest was mingled in there with somethingresembling disbelief.  She didn’t know if that meant he didn’t believe that shewould put up with it or he didn’t believe someone would actually do this.  Allshe really knew was that he had adjusted his pants, and Hadley had been rightabout the size of the contents that lay within.

“I didn’t think I would like itat first, but as you can imagine…maybe…” She shifted her eyes away from him. “Well, it kept things interesting.  I never knew what he was going to do.  Thatcame with a price at times, but the more it happened, the higher the price Iwas willing to pay.  I trusted him completely…until something tipped thebalance further.”

“Tipped the balance…how?” Garrettasked curiously.

“It stopped being about sex.  Ihave zero complaints about the sex.  When it stopped being about us, it got outof control,” she said, trying to explain.  “If I told people about this, Iwould tell anyone I know to try that kind of relationship.  I have never feltmore safe and sexy and wanted.  You’re looking at me like you don’t believe me,but try it out first, and you’ll come around.”

She crossed her arms against hisdisbelief.  She would never be able to explain this to someone who had neverexperienced it, and she would never want to change how it had happened.  Shewould never take it back.

“It was more about him being incontrol that changed everything.”

“Wasn’t he in control duringsex?” Garrett asked, looking more curious than judgmental.

“No, not exactly.  It wasmutual.  He might have looked like he was in control, but it was consensual. He would only give me as much as I could handle, and I wanted him to push thoselimits.  It’s a hard thing to grasp…”  She trailed off.

How could she explain the nextpart?  How could she make Garrett see the difference?  Sex was notthe problem.  He was the problem.

“He changed, and it had nothingto do with the sex.  He needed to control me.  He had always been one of thosepeople who asked where I was going and when I would be back.  He always had toknow.  But then, he started asking why was I going there, and he startedtelling me when I had to be back.  Then, I wasn’t allowed to go at all.  I justwanted to make him happy because I love him so damn much, but he wanted all thecontrol in my life, which left me with none.  That’s when I realized I was nolonger a person anymore.  I was his object.”

Devon stopped trying to explainand went back into her story.  “I was home early from school one day.  I wasn’texpecting him, but I could tell something was wrong.  And it might soundstrange, but I never thought he did any of these things out of anger.  He didthem out of love.”

“You think he held you underboiling water out of love?” Garrett asked incredulously.

Devon glared at him.  “I didn’tsay you would understand.  The sex was not a threat.  It had nothing to do withhim being angry with me.”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “Keep going.  It was my question.  I want to hear the answer.”

Devon didn’t want to continue. She didn’t want to tell him the extent of her story.  How could he everunderstand what she had gone through and why she had allowed it?  “I don’tknow.  Maybe it’s not the night for this,” she said, standing on wobbly legs.

Holy shit, how much did Idrink? she wondered.

“Whoa,” he said, jumping to hisfeet to steady her.

She didn’t know how he was morestable than her.  He had shown up drunk, and then he had proceeded to drinktwice as much as her.  His hands were on her hips, holding her up, as her headspun so fast that she had to close her eyes.  She gripped the collar of hisshirt to keep herself standing, and she felt more than heard his intake ofbreath.

Whoops!

“You should sit back down,” hesaid, guiding her back to the couch.  “I’ll get you some water.”

When he returned with a glass ofwater, Devon took a few sips of it, thankful for the distraction.  The more shetalked about this story, the more she missed St. Louis, and the more she wantedto go home.  Her heart ached to feel that all over again, for it to be as itonce was.  Maybe it could be like that again.

“Dev,” Garrett whispered, takingthe drink out of her hand and placing it on the table, “what happened that daywhen you came home early?”

She didn’t want to recall thememories.  Suppressing them was easier than reliving them.  She tipped her headto the side and settled it against his shoulder.  That was easier than facinghim.

“That day, he came home and hitme until I was knocked unconscious.”

She definitely heard Garrett’sintake of breath that time.

“I remember waking up, lying onthe floor of my bathroom.  It was really cold, and I found I had been stripped naked. I couldn’t stop shivering, but I was careful not to move too quickly.  My headwas throbbing, and my body was splattered in bruises.  At first, I couldn’tremember what happened, but when he walked into the bathroom, it all came backto me.  I started crying from the pain and the disbelief that he would do thisto