No Going Back by Casey Kelleher (bill gates books recommendations TXT) 📕

Shelby had expected the worst last night. After the past two days of struggling to get Riley to breastfeed, she’d been left close to tears with exhaustion, and worried that the midwives would have to intervene and put him on formula milk. It didn’t help her angst that her mum kept offering her well-intended but not needed advice every five minutes either.

But Shelby was convinced that she’d mastered it now. She’d taken to motherhood more easily than even she’d expected.

She knew what her family thought of her. Ashley, her mum and her dad. That she wouldn’t be able to cope on her own. That she’d need them all rallying around to help her constantly. That she’d need their support. Only she didn’t. At least she didn’t yet. So far, so good. Riley seemed like an easy, contented little baby. And Shelby was determined to do right by him.

‘The breakfast trolley doesn’t do the rounds until around seven. Would you like me to see if I can get you a cup of tea?’

Shelby nodded, picking up her phone again and flicking through her social media and reading all the messages of outrage and sympathy about what had happened to her, now that the press had got hold of the story and it had gone viral, as well as scrolling through the long list of congratulation messages too. She bet everyone was dying to see a photo of Riley.

And no doubt the press would manage to get hold of that, which is why she’d insisted to Ashley that he bring up a selection of her favourite outfits and her make-up bag when he came today. She’d ask one of the midwives to take a decent photo of the three of them and then she’d upload it as her profile picture. Let that go viral. Not only to show her attacker that he didn’t get to her, but to show any of the stupid bimbos who had their eyes on her Ashley that he was a taken man now. Once and for all.

Because she wasn’t stupid. As much as he liked to make out that she was paranoid and crazy, she knew what he’d been up to behind her back the last few times he hadn’t come home. Still, that would all change now that Riley was here. Shelby felt excited to show her new family off to the entire world. Because she hated the thought of anyone thinking of her as a victim. She was anything but that.

Clicking on her private messages then, she smiled at the kind words of her friends until she came across a message that had been sent a few hours ago, from someone she didn’t know, a woman named Kate.

The message had gone into a separate folder and Shelby had almost missed it.

Clicking the button, she stared at the words as her hands started shaking.

Let’s hope your baby doesn’t turn out to be anything like his cheating scumbag of a father.

‘There you go. Two sugars and a splash of milk,’ the midwife said, reciting how Shelby had taken her tea yesterday as she set the cup down on the bedside cabinet beside her. ‘Who’d have thought having a baby would be such hard work, huh?’

Putting down her phone, Shelby tried to shake off the message.

It was probably nothing. Just some horrible ex of Ashley’s trying to stir things up, jealous of their happiness.

And she didn’t want anything to ruin today.

‘This will have to be our little secret. If Ashley asks, I’ve been rushed off my feet. You can’t let him know that I’ve been lying in bed, being served tea like Lady Muck,’ Shelby said, putting the hurtful words out of her mind.

‘Oh, don’t you worry. I won’t say a word. Discretion is my middle name,’ the midwife said, before making her way to the end of Shelby’s bed and checking information on Shelby’s chart, to see what time she was due some painkillers now she was awake.

‘I’ll grab you some pain meds when you get your breakfast tray,’ she said, satisfied that Shelby could start taking something once she managed to get some food inside her.

Then, making her way towards the crib to check on Riley, the nurse faltered.

‘Oh, is Ashley already here then?’ she said, turning to face Shelby, her brow raised expectantly. ‘Only I didn’t see him come in. I know you’ve been through a lot, love. But unfortunately, we have to be strict about visiting hours. He can’t really be here until gone nine a.m. It’s not fair on all the other mothers to change the rules for one…’

‘Ashley’s not here,’ Shelby said, puzzled, as she tried to work out why the midwife’s tone had changed so suddenly. ‘He’ll probably be making the most of his lie-in. It’s the last one he’ll be getting in a while,’ Shelby said with a grin, trying to make light of the midwife’s sudden abrupt tone.

Only the midwife didn’t smile back – instead, a flash of panic spread across her face. Something was wrong.

‘Why, what’s the matter? I don’t understand…’

‘Who’s been in here? One of the other midwives? A doctor?’

‘No. No one. Only me.’ Shelby shook her head, a trickle of fear spreading through her as she picked up on the building hysteria in the midwife’s voice. ‘I don’t understand. What’s the matter?’

Her eyes went to the cot. The blue woollen blankets her mum had knitted for Riley were draped over the clear Perspex sides, blocking her vision of her son. Her mum had insisted that he would sleep better if he was cocooned in, and she’d been right. Hadn’t she? Riley had slept soundly; he hadn’t made a peep. Though now, Shelby could feel a deep trepidation creeping over her as she realised how unlikely that really was.

‘Where’s Riley?’

‘What do you mean?’ Shelby laughed, the unnatural sound strained and twisted as it hit the air, as she hoped that the midwife was making some sick kind of joke. But the midwife wasn’t laughing, and her