Nearly Departed by Max Schlienger (life books to read txt) 📕

regarded the chair, much in the way that a shepherd might regard a sheep that was trying to fly. He turned back to Dennis. “So, what now, boss?”

“Back to talking, I suppose,” Dennis sighed. His fingers made a metallic noise as he drummed them on the table. “I need to figure out a way of getting her to trust me, though.”

“Yeah, she didn’t seem too keen on telling you anything,” Bobo agreed. “Though she was pretty keen on you, eh?”

“Oh, yes, Evy fancies herself quite the vixen,” Elspeth cut in. She put the last of the retrieved game pieces back on the table and sat down in a vacant chair. “One of the fellows I hired before was rather taken with her.” Both Dennis and Bobo turned to listen. “I suppose it’s a small miracle that she always shows up in the same state,” Elspeth continued. “I rather doubt she’d have been willing to put her clothes back on otherwise.”

Neither Bobo nor Dennis said anything in response, but both men exchanged a look. It hadn’t occurred to Dennis that the ghost might be capable of shedding her garments, and the thought definitely added an unexpected element. He was already feeling guilty about lying to Alena, and he doubted that it would improve if he was treated to a spectral striptease. Still, he had to admit, the thought did bring to mind some interesting images.

“Actually,” Dennis murmured, “maybe that’s the answer.”

“Oi!” exclaimed Bobo with a furtive glance at Elspeth. He lowered his voice to an urgent hiss. “You’re not thinking of doing the nasty with her?”

“No, you dolt,” Dennis replied. “I’m thinking that I know of a way to get her to open up to me. Not like that!” he added in response to Bobo’s widening grin. “I just bet that I know a situation where she’d be willing to answer my questions.” He made a show of adjusting his clothes. “I’m going on a date with a ghost.”

Chapter Nine

Although it was only mid-afternoon, it had been agreed that the next attempt at interrogating Evy would take place the following day. Both Bobo and Elspeth had insisted that if Dennis was to go on a date with the ghost, as he had suggested, then he should be clad more formally. Despite his own assurances that his current attire would suffice, neither Bobo nor Elspeth would relent on the matter. As such, Dennis had been given little choice but to postpone his romantic endeavor until such time as he was dressed more appropriately for the occasion. After bidding Elspeth a polite – and in Bobo’s case, an apologetic – farewell, the pair of would-be exorcists climbed into Dennis’ car for the journey back to the city.

As soon as Dennis turned the ignition, Bobo began speaking. “Are all your jobs this interesting?” he asked. Dennis snorted.

“I suppose.” He watched Elspeth’s house as they pulled away, almost expecting to see a ghostly figure watching them from one of the windows. “I mean, none of them have been this real, but all of them are fairly entertaining.”

“Most blokes just visit the cinema when they’re bored,” joked Bobo.

“Oh, right, like you’re one to talk, Draadtrekker.” That got a laugh, and for a moment, Dennis was not seated next to an oversized immigrant from England, but rather a charismatic shaman with the spirit of a storyteller.

“Yeah,” Bobo agreed with a gleam in his eye. “This one time, right? This lady comes in and asks me for something she can slip her husband.”

“What, like, poison?” asked Dennis.

“That’s what I thought, too!” Bobo exclaimed. “She meant an aphrodisiac, though. So, I told her to come back in an hour, and I whipped up a little potion for her.”

“What was in it?”

Bobo shrugged. “Water, mostly. With a bit of purple food dye. I wish more people would buy it, actually. She spent thirty bucks.”

“I’m glad to hear that customer satisfaction is your biggest concern, especially considering that I shop there,” Dennis said. “Is that all, or did you get caught?”

“Nah, nobody ever catches me,” replied Bobo. “Present company excluded. She weren’t too happy with me, though.”

“Didn’t you just say that you didn’t get caught?” Dennis asked. He turned his head and squinted at a road sign. “I think we missed our exit.”

“I didn’t get caught,” affirmed Bobo. “No, she was mad because she caught her husband. With another woman, I mean. So, naturally, she blamed it on the contents of the bottle I’d given her, and demanded the antidote.”

“Water and some other color of dye, I assume.”

“Coffee, actually. I bought decaffeinated stuff by mistake, and figured I’d get some use out of it.” He looked off into the distance. “She hasn’t been back in awhile, come to think of it.” His brow furrowed, and he glanced out each of the windows. “September, where the hell are we?”

“I told you,” Dennis said, “we missed our exit somewhere back there. I think there’s another one up a bit further.”

“Can’t we just turn around?”

“That would be too easy.” A few seconds of silence passed before Dennis rolled his eyes and sighed. “Oh, fine, have it your way. We’ll head back towards Elspeth’s house and figure it out from there.”

“I’m sure you know best. You’re the doctor, after all.”

“You know, I actually am,” Dennis replied. Bobo looked incredulous. “Really, I mean it. I bought a PhD online.”

“Seems like a waste of money, if you ask me,” Bobo said. “You should buy my love potions instead.”

“I prefer Earl Grey, thank you. Besides, every other paranormal investigator out there is a doctor or a reverend or something. At least I have the paperwork to back mine up.”

“Why’s that, then?” asked Bobo.

“Which part?”

“All them doctors and priests. What’s the point?”

“Well, really, it’s a question of credibility,” Dennis explained. “Although, to be honest, a lot of the guys I’ve met are still pretty lacking in it.” He shifted in his seat and chuckled quietly. “Actually, that’s a great story. Back when I was first getting started, I