Lisa Heidke by Lucy (mobi) (rosie project .TXT) 📕

When Max puts his arms around me, kisses me and tells me everything will be okay, I don’t push him away. I’m confused. I feel distraught over everything I’ve seen today and I want to feel safe, protected, loved. So we snuggle closer and watch the dancers perform a piece about the courtship between a male and female bumblebee. The bees flirt and dance and fly joyously from one flower to another. The music becomes more frenzied, the bumblebees more infatuated with each other, until eventually they are consumed by passionate love.

As we walk back to the suite, Max kisses me again. I feel slightly uncomfortable, but, for God’s sake, Max has been my husband for eleven years. Surely I should be over any embarrassment about him kissing me in front of the children.

Perhaps I’m too easily influenced by the copulating bumblebees, but I want to believe Max. I want to believe that our family can be patched together again. So, for the sake of happy children and happy endings, I let him stay the night . . . in my bed.

Day 44

I wake up about four in the morning. Max is on his side of the bed, curled up and snoring, just like the old days. For the briefest of moments Alana doesn’t exist. But then I remember . . .

In my heart, I know this can’t possibly work. Not after the heartbreak of another affair, the humiliation, the betrayal. But still, a tiny part of me hopes we can work it out because in many ways it would make life easier. Certainly for Bella and Sam.

I try to be positive. Who knows? Yesterday, shocking and horrific as it was, could actually bring Max and me closer together.

I doze again until the children rush in and jump all over Max. They can’t wait to take him to breakfast.

‘There’s so much food!’ Sam squeals.

‘You go ahead,’ I tell them. ‘I’ll be there soon.’

I take my time showering and dressing. The rational, sensible, adult part of me knows it was a mistake to allow Max to stay last night. Bloody bumblebees and their courtship rituals! It was impossible to say no. Not to mention the half a bottle of wine and two cocktails I’d drunk by the night’s end, which may have slightly impaired my judgement.

‘You won’t let me down, will you?’ I say to Max after breakfast, when he tells me he’s leaving to sort things out with Alana.

‘How can you say that after last night? You and the children are the most important people in the world to me,’ Max says and kisses me gently on the eyelids. ‘My family.’

‘So you don’t love Alana anymore?’ I ask. I can hardly bear to hear his response.

Max lets the question hang and kisses my forehead. ‘I’ll see you soon.’

Back at our room, the phone’s ringing as I open the door. It’s Mum, distraught we haven’t flown home.

‘If we allow these people to hijack our lives, then they’ll win,’ I tell her.

‘But, Lucy, you have children to think of.’

‘Exactly. And they’re on holiday. I’m looking after them. They’re not in any danger,’ I say, peering out to the grounds that are now patrolled by gun-wearing security guards. I’d be less than truthful if I didn’t admit the sight of them unnerves me somewhat.

I reassure Mum again that we’re okay and say goodbye.

When I return to the pool, Sam’s drinking lemonade. ‘Mum, we’re having the best day,’ he says, spitting soft drink all over me.

‘Where’s Bella?’ I ask, anxiously looking around.

‘You’re supposed to stay together.’ I can’t help the alarm in my voice.

‘Over there,’ he says, before jumping back into the pool. ‘Watch me. I can hold my breath underwater for five minutes.’

Bella’s having her hair braided by three Indonesian teenage girls wearing beige safari suits topped off with beige pink-rimmed caps.

‘Mum, isn’t this cool?’ Bella says when I reach her. ‘Do you like them?’ She twirls one of her new tiny braids. At the end of each plait is a red and green bead. ‘There were so many colours to choose from, it was hard to decide.’

‘You look gorgeous,’ I tell her.

‘Is Daddy all right? Is he coming back? Are we having lunch with him?’

‘Yes, of course he is. Not sure if he’s coming to the pool, though. We’ll have to wait and see.’

Bella becomes engrossed in the many nimble fingers weaving her hair. ‘How will I wash it?’ she asks. ‘You don’t think bugs can get inside the braids, do you?’

I shrug. I’m a million miles away, wondering what’s going to happen with Max and Alana. Will she cry, I wonder. Will she beg him not to leave her? In the distance, I hear the sound of the waves on the beach.

‘Come for a swim,’ Sam urges.

‘I will,’ I answer, distracted. ‘But first I need to change into my swimmers.’

Maybe a swim’s just what I need to take my mind off Max. I blow Sam a kiss and walk back to our suite. Pushed under the door is a letter from the Australian Embassy. The gist of it: . . . Australians concerned for their safety should consider departing Bali . . . the possibility of further explosions cannot be ruled out . . . exercise extreme caution.

I sit on my bed and can’t help crying for the destruction of this beautiful island, for those poor families I saw yesterday at the hospital, looking for their loved ones and fearing the worst. With so many dead, not everyone can have a happy outcome like mine.

I switch on the television. There’s saturation coverage of the bombings. The latest number of dead is twenty-three.

I hope Max comes back soon. We have to talk to Bella and Sam and tell them we’re leaving. We have no choice: I can’t keep them in danger like this, despite what I’ve been saying to my mother. And I want to make sure that Max comes with