Stone Creek by Davis, Lainey (reading diary .TXT) 📕

even said he doesn't really do relationships. Ever since I met him, I don't know how to process my feelings. Hell, I'm having feelings I don't have words to identify, and that makes me uncomfortable, because if I can't name my feelings, I don't know how to keep them under control like I need to. I know now that he is attracted to me, but I still can't imagine that this will ever be anything more than round 2 of a physical-only fuck fest. I need this to just be a hookup. I know how to respond to a hookup.

"I'll let you go if you come to my game tonight," he says.

I look up at him. "You want me to watch you play?"

"Of course. I definitely want you to come." He walks over to his dresser and pulls out some passes. "You and Linda can sit in the friends and family section. You'll be right against the glass!" He beams and looks so excited that I take the tickets and slip them into my pocket. I've been to a few games at the arena before, but sat so far back I could barely make out one player from another.

I start to walk out the door again, and he takes my hand. "Tell me you'll be there," he says.

"I promise," I tell him, and I bring his hand to my mouth, planting a soft kiss on his skin. I meet his eyes and dash out of the apartment. Tyler is gone from the kitchen and I'm glad. I make it home and slide in the door mere seconds before I hear Linda fumbling for her key. I fidget with the tickets, thinking about how Neal remembered my roommate's name. It seemed like the sort of thing he wouldn't bother about if I was just his tutor. Or just some random hookup. What can it mean that he wants me to come watch him play and sit with the other players' friends and family?

I know Linda is going to give me shit for risking so much by sleeping with Neal again, but I need to tell her about this. I yank the door open and she falls in. She looks about like I do, and I laugh. "My dad might say we look rode hard and put away wet," I say.

She stumbles into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water. "Did you just compare me to a horse? Is that what that was?" She chugs most of the contents and wipes her mouth with the back of her wrist. "Wait. Why do you look like you had sex all night long? Did you fuck Jeremy after all?"

I shake my head, and tell her about Neal. I can tell she's about to admonish me for taking such a risk and crossing a line like this, but I put up a hand to stop her. "Don't say it, Linda. I know it's playing with fire, ok? But I just…" I realize I'm about to say that I have feelings for him, and that stops me cold. I don't do feelings. Not since my mom died. Growing close to Linda was the biggest risk I've taken with my heart in six years, and Linda will be the first to tell you how long I took to open up and be her friend.

"You just what, D?"

I stare at her. "I like him…he makes me feel good."

Her face softens and she sighs. "And you don't think it's just the thrill of him being off limits?"

I shake my head. "No. And I don't just think it's the thrill of him fucking me, either, because sometimes? Jesus, Linda, sometimes it's so gentle and intense."

"Sometimes? How many times have you had sex?" When I bite my lip to count, she laughs and starts to walk down the hallway. "Ok, I will support you in this, and I will come with you to the sports match tonight, but you have to let me sleep first, because I feel like death."

I shout after her, "you know it's called a hockey game!"

"Score a unit!" she shouts and slams the bedroom door.

I try to spend the day studying, but I can't stop thinking about last night. Thoughts of my body responding to Neal keep invading my calculations, so I decide to work on something much scarier: my grad school applications. I've decided to apply to a few schools, even with this carrot dangling at me from Penn.

I'm pleased to see I am able to concentrate on PhD applications, and I have no trouble putting together my admissions essays. I've always wanted to pursue a graduate degree in math. The process reminds me that Jeremy and I were going to prep for GREs together, so I shoot him a text to see if he wants to study after lunch. Hey, sorry to disappear last night. You still want to do GRE practice exams today?

Sure. But UR buying the coffee! I walked in on Tim and Linda. Traumatized!

We meet at the coffee shop below our apartment building and breeze through several hours of math prep. Both of us struggle a bit with the vocab section, and Jeremy takes a selfie of us pretending to gag. He posts it on his profile and tags me with the caption "future grad school dropouts."

We decide we've had enough for the day and pack up to walk upstairs. Tim asks me if I'm coming up to his place later to watch the hockey game, but I tell him I actually have tickets to go see it in person. His eyes go wide and he says, "I didn't know you liked sports enough to actually pay to watch a hockey game!"

I laugh and remind him that I'm tutoring one of the forwards. "I got some seats for free." He makes an odd face then, but gives me a