Alpha Zero (Alpha LitRPG Book 1) by Arthur Stone (top 5 books to read TXT) 📕

now? Oh, never mind. Strange as you are, boy, if there’s one thing I know it’s that you haven’t smelled manure even once in your life,” Ash stated with confidence. “And if you are a runaway, it wasn’t off a farm but from a traveling circus. I’d break your arms for all the ruckus you caused, but then what would you use to scoop shit out of our cesspits?”

“What if we avoid the scooping shit part altogether?” I inquired matter-of-factly.

“Oh nooo,” Ash said with a drawl. “You will be scooping shit, I assure you. With your bare hands. And your ghoul buddy will be scooping shit, too. And these Shiteaters here will help. All of you will have a chance to get to know one another better. Maybe you’ll even become friends and quit disturbing the sleep of honest folk. But I will have you fed for the entertainment you’ve provided. I haven’t laughed this hard since catching a jester show at a bazaar years ago. Quit spitting, Satat. I know that your mouth still remembers foul things, but enough already. Maybe this will teach you to keep your trap shut more often.”

“Beg pardon, but might we get on the cesspit cleaning in the second half of the day?” I inquired.

“What does it matter?” Ash asked, surprised. “The sooner you begin, the sooner you’ll finish. The stink doesn’t get better later in the day, you know.”

“Well, you see, I wanted to spend the first half of the day fishing. The fort’s supplies are low on fish, so I thought I’d catch a few kote. Of the fatter variety.”

Ash rolled his eyes.

“You really are a jester in training. You’ll make a great one, too—assuming you don’t get strung up for your jokes first... You know what, fine. I could use another good laugh. You have until noon. If you don’t catch any kote until then, you will switch over to shit-scooping duty, replacing the Shiteaters and filling out their quota in addition to yours. And then you’ll clean out my own private crapper while you’re at it. Without the Carps’ help—I’ll have them working on something else by then.”

“Understood,” I nodded calmly. “And what do we get if we bring back some kote?”

“The balls on this kid...” Hugo said with a shake of the first, his first contribution to the conversation.

“No kidding. As big as they come,” Ash concurred. “But I am a fair man. If you bring back even one kote, it is yours to do with as you please as you bless my generosity. And the Shiteaters will handle the cesspits on their own. If by some miracle you actually deliver, I won’t have good fishermen wasting their talents mucking about in shit.”

Though his last words dripped with mocking, I replied with a most serious nod.

“Thank you, Master Ash. The terms of our agreement are perfectly clear.”

“Clear, you say? Then get out of my sight. And don’t forget, by noon I expect to see all six of you in one pit. If you try any tricks, it’ll be my turn to play a trick on you, the kind that not even Hugo is going to laugh at. And Hugo is quite the jolly fellow. He laughed like mad when a swamp biter was gnawing on Vaegar’s balls. Note that Vaegar wasn’t laughing—and you won’t be laughing, either.”

* * *

“This is a good thing,” Beko said absently as we descended to the beach. “Now we’re going to clean the cesspits alone, without the Carps. I don’t want to do it with the Carps. It wouldn’t be good, being there with them. Sucks that it will be three pits, but better to clean three on our own than one with the Carps.”

“Their gang got a new name.” I reminded him. “They didn’t ask for it, but still.”

“I’m afraid to call them that,” Beko protested. “They’ll only beat us harder. And they will beat us, just you watch.”

“You said we were already dead, remember? Then why be scared of a few cuffs? And besides, I told you to forget about them. They are no longer a threat.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Just trust me. They won’t be going near us, at least in the immediate future.”

“Why?!”

“Because! Did you see how pissed-off Ash was? He didn’t like being dragged into our little rivalry. It was unbecoming of a man of his stature.”

“That was because we made a ruckus at night. We broke a rule.”

“Still, he can’t be bothered resolving such quarrels. But he was glad to be entertained. He even christened the Carps with a new name as thanks.”

At that, Beko gave a spiteful chortle.

“Yes. That was rad. It will keep my spirits high when we’re cleaning out cesspits.”

“Let the Shiteaters clean out cesspits. Their new name is perfectly suitable for the job. You and I are going to be fishing for kote.”

“I thought you were joking about that.”

“Why would I be? Why do you think we bought all that stuff from Guppy yesterday? It was all in preparation to hunt kote.”

“Hunt kote?” Beko’s voice was full of skepticism. “With a couple of holed spoons, bronze hooks and some copper wire? How are those things going to help us hunt kote?”

“When it comes to hunting, it’s all about the hunter, and not his hunting tools,” I gestured to my head pointedly.

Beko sighed. “If we work quickly, it’ll take us four days to clean out all three cesspits. And they promised to feed us, too. I’m almost happy, all things considering. At least the Carps won’t bother taking shit duty from us.”

* * *

Kote were smart—as far as fish could be smart. A young specimen could do something stupid at times—or one that was deeply agitated, like my victim back at the crossing of Redriver. Like all other creatures of