The Funny Thing about Norman Foreman by Julietta Henderson (e book reader online txt) 📕

‘It’s just that, Mum, I’m . . . I’m just not sure if I should do the open mic show in Bournemouth. Like . . . like maybe I could use the time to just practise on my own instead. Or in front of you guys? I mean, maybe that would be even better than an open mic because . . . I . . . I don’t know, what do you think?’ Ahh, you don’t want to know that, Norman.

I’d seen Leonard and Norman hunched over the laptop the night before, checking and double-checking on the Bournemouth open mic details. I knew Leonard felt responsible for the Swansea’s Got Talent debacle and he wanted to make sure the next one was exactly what it was supposed to be: a regular, out-of-the-way pub with a lame open mic night. But not quite so out of the way and lame as the Noble Goat, so as to have no punters. It was a fine line and, I guessed, a pretty big ask.

I sat down on the edge of the bed next to Norman and stretched my arm around him. I felt his body relax as he leaned on to my shoulder and, right then, with that small, dear head so close to mine, I wished for the answers to motherhood more than any other time in my life. Any of them. A tip of a cap would do at this stage. I’d been so quick to jump into this plan, be the cool mum, make this crazy dream come true, because I didn’t know a real way to take away his pain. But what if everything I was doing was just making things worse? I gently moved Norman’s head from my shoulder and knelt on the floor in front of him.

‘Norman, listen to me. Of course if you don’t want to do the open mic, you don’t have to. Of course. We don’t have to go to Bournemouth at all. I mean, I don’t have to call the next guy if you don’t want and . . . we don’t even have to go to Edinburgh if you don’t want to.’ The show must go on, Sadie.

‘The show doesn’t always have to go on, Norman.’

‘Mum, no! That’s . . . no, that’s not it. That’s not what I meant at all.’ Shit.

‘I wouldn’t back out now, Mum. I mean, it’s . . . it’s the Fringe, baby . . . and you know, never give up on a good plan and all that. That was a sign, Mum. I know it was. It’s just that . . .’

He paused, and it felt like a thousand years. Like the entire weight of the world was just biding its time and shaping up to fall down and settle on to Norman’s scarred little shoulders. I held my breath, waiting for what was coming next. When we find my father I don’t care who he is, even if he’s just got out of jail for murdering schoolgirls I want to go and live with him? I’ve decided to double the length of the show just for good measure? I’ve finally worked out how shit you really are as a mother? His voice, though, when it came, was sweet, shaky and careful. Like I was the one who needed protecting, not him.

‘It’s just . . . Mum, I . . . it’s just that I think I need to work on my material a bit more before Edinburgh. That’s all. I . . . I just need to do a bit of work, Mum.’ Yeah. Me too, son.

Kathy and Tony showed up at the Eden Rock the next morning to say goodbye, but instead of thinking that maybe it would be quite nice to have a farewell and good-luck breakfast, as Kathy put it, it just made me sad that Tony’s stupid sperms couldn’t have been bothered to swim a little harder. Did they know what they’d missed out on? By the look on Tony’s face every time he talked to Norman, I was guessing the answer was that he, at least, did.

Leonard declined the invitation to breakfast, saying he was going to make the most of the free Wi-Fi while he could. He’d definitely been a little bit off since the whole talent-show mess and he seemed distant and even a little bit snappy when I’d asked if he was quite sure he didn’t want to come with us.

‘Absolutely certain, Sadie. I’m really not hungry and I . . . well, I don’t want to risk making any more silly mistakes so I want to double-check the route to . . . to . . .’ Leonard stopped mid-sentence and a pained expression flitted across his face as his eyes slid away from mine and landed on some invisible point over my shoulder. I half turned to see what he was looking at, but I couldn’t see anything except Kathy, Tony and Norman standing in the doorway, waiting for me. They looked for all the world like a cosy little Swansea family and my next breath wrapped itself around my windpipe and held on way too long. When I managed to look away and turn back to Leonard his faraway gaze hadn’t changed. It was a bit disconcerting. All of it.

‘Leonard? Are you . . . ?’

He suddenly gave a little shiver and shook his head as if to clear it, looking back at me like he’d just realized I was there.

‘What’s that? Oh. Yes, sorry, sorry. I . . . well, yes, as I said, I just want to check the route before we set off again. That’s all. Really, Sadie, thank you, but please do go on without me.’

I hadn’t really seen Leonard anything other than varying degrees of chipper. Perhaps the shine of Norman and me was wearing off and he was wishing he was back home with his lovely Iris. Before I had time to start worrying about it Leonard raised an arm to give a quick wave to the others and turned away.

We left him tapping away at his laptop in the foyer of the Eden Rock and wandered down to the