a Pleasure Rites, #1 by Ines Johnson (reader novel .TXT) 📕

Khial shook his head. He couldn't form a sentence even if he wanted to speak with her. There was too much chatter in his head. If she’d had no visitors, then who could have caused the accident of Dain's parents? If there was no one to listen to her, who hid the cure to Dain's illness? If there was no one to follow her, whom did Khial have to guard Chanyn and the baby against?

His mother stopped playing abruptly. Slowly, as though she could sense him, she began to turn towards the door. Khial caught a glimpse of her eyes, the same crystal blue as his own, the same vacant void as the day he was born.

Khial yanked away before she could glimpse him. He walked quickly back down the hall and out the door. Never looking back, once.

26

Chanyn dug her hands into the cool earth. She didn't recognize the weed she displaced. Somehow, the scrawny plant found its way amidst the lush flowers that blocked its kin from the sun. The robust flowers dwarfed and shadowed the wayward weed, but it only stretched its brown leaves higher towards the sun.

Chanyn reached for a clay pot. She filled the pot with fresh soil. Reaching for the weed, she pushed its roots into its new home and set the plant in the direct sunlight.

"What are you doing?" Khial's form blocked out the sun. A scowl darkened his features further.

Chanyn swooped the potted plant into her arms. "Was it important? Should I not have pulled this one?"

Khial barely glanced at the plant as he helped her to her feet. "Chanyn we have servants to do this. You don't have to work. You don't have to do anything."

"I like gardening. It's peaceful, especially in an area where I won't run into wild animals trying to steal my dinner or my life."

Khial sighed, releasing his scowl. "I don't want you to over exert yourself." He gave her still flat belly a fleeting look. "Please?"

The please unfolded Chanyn's arms. She kept forgetting that she had dominion over all and everyone in this house. Khial had no power or right to make her do anything. Everything he asked of her would be a request, a request she had the right to deny.

She handed the plant to Khial who set it back in the sun. Then she let him guide her into the house. Once inside, he brought her to the sink and washed her hands. She'd seen him tune his instrument one morning. He adjusted each string, one by one, with such care and focus.

One by one, Khial washed the soil from each of Chanyn's fingers.

Chanyn gazed at the concentration set in his strong jaw. His eyes were screwed in scrutiny. His tongue sneaked out of his mouth as his focus increased. Chanyn forgot to blink as she watched his every move, wondering if this is what he looked like as a boy. Would their son make that same face?

She blinked.

They wouldn't be having children. Not of their own flesh, made together. Khial didn't look at her like that, and she should be glad he didn't. She loved another man. A man she couldn't have. A man who, after coming to her aid, left without a word. Jian's priorities were crystal clear.

"What is it?" Khial stopped the water and dried her hands. "Did I hurt you?" His face screwed as he looked for damage.

"No, Khial. I was just..."

Khial tossed the towel into the sink. "You were thinking about him?"

"Dain?"

"No, the monk. Jian."

Khial put his hand on her lower back and walked her down the hallway. Chanyn forgot to speak as she concentrated on that hand at her lower back. The warmth of it. The weight of it.

"I wish things could have been different for both of us, Chanyn. But I'm learning we can't change the past. Sometimes we can't even see the past clearly for what it was."

They entered Dain's office. Chanyn sat once more on the dainty couch where Dain had proposed.

"My fathers would've done anything for my mother. They did... they did horrible things to prove their affection. Growing up, that was my definition of love. I've been so afraid of being like my parents all my life. My choices were emotion-less, like my mother, or obsessive, like my fathers. I'm still learning that I get to choose who I want to be. Dain..."

Khial stumbled, his eyes fixed on a portrait of a young Dain on the wall. In the picture, Dain looked healthy and happy, his golden locks shining around his handsome face.

"Dain would have never asked me to harm anyone. It wasn't in his nature. He only ever asked me to show others mercy or kindness. The last thing he asked me to do was take care of you and the baby. When you got sick earlier, it scared me. Everything I ever came to care about has been taken from me."

Chanyn ran her hand down his cheek. Khial shuddered, closing his eyes for a moment, as though willing himself to be still and receive the affection. Chanyn nearly pulled her hand away, but decided to keep it there.

When Khial opened his eyes, they burned into hers. "I wanted you that first day we met you. Other than Dain, I hadn't wanted something for myself in so long, and I thought you were going to try and take him from me."

Chanyn smoothed her thumb over his cheek; the coarse stubble gave her little resistance. "I just wanted to be included."

Khial covered her hand with his. "I know that now." He scooted closer and placed a hand on her cheek. "Chanyn, I... I come with a lot of baggage."

"So do I."

"I'm not a perfect man. I'm not the storybook hero like Dain."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out," she deadpanned.

Khial froze, uncertainty on his face. Chanyn quirked an eyebrow, hoping he'd find the humor in there. It took a second, but finally a chuckle bubbled