Mister Romance by Amelia Simone (the reading list .txt) 📕

I imagined it washing away my dating sins before I moved on to my confession.

“I told you I was going with Tamra to her brother’s wedding today?” I asked.

Jimmy nodded, then shook his head in confusion. “I still don’t understand that. Were you going as her date or as her friend?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

He rubbed a hand over his face. “So, it was a well-thought out move as always?”

I nodded glumly. “Yes. And it was actually going okay. I’d only told a few whopping lies that we had to backpedal from when we hit the dance floor.”

“Is this where the visual aid comes in? Because honestly, I don’t want to dance with you, Chase. I’ve seen you after a few too many drinks, and it’s one hundred percent white-boy awkward. No one would ever believe you’ve had sex after watching you dance. Your hips and the rest of your body look like they belong to two different people.”

I winced. Jimmy did not pull his punches.

“Now you tell me. We’ll add that to the list of things I need help with. Okay, so Tamra and I were slow dancing, and barely moving at that, so that’s not the thing I’m worried about. No, I had the bright idea of sharing one of my wedding date fantasies with her, and things ... escalated.”

“Escalated? How? Do you mean that you brought her back here?” Jimmy asked.

I shook my head emphatically. “No, that would have been brilliant if I had enough blood still going to my brain to think of it at the time. No, I had the epic idea to move our moment into the kitchen. At the wedding venue.”

Jimmy’s eyebrows shot up and I grimaced.

“Don’t worry. I locked the door, but the walls were still thinner than I realized, and there were auditory issues.”

“Auditory issues?”

I sighed. “Yes. I fucked up a maneuver, there was some light screaming, and then we were interrupted by Tamra’s bitch of a sister.”

“Whoa. Back that up. There was light screaming? The good kind?”

I shook my head sadly. “Not exactly. I was trying to pull a romance novel move and rip off her panties, and it. Did. Not. Go. Well.” I made a ripping motion with my hands.

“Buddy, I’m afraid to ask. Did you accidentally punch her in the face with your momentum?”

“God, no. Thankfully, no. But that sounds like something that would happen to me. It’s embarrassing. They always look so delicate, like an easy garment to rip, but her panties were titanium. I cannot have that little hand strength.”

Jimmy’s mouth opened. “You tried to rip her panties off? Was she expecting it?”

“Sadly, no. Thus, the screaming. Tamra was not a fan of the move, and I instantly regretted it, but I thought my technique was off, so I ... tried again.”

“What the fuck, Chase?” Jimmy frowned, aggrieved. “If there’s the non-pleasure kind of screaming, absolutely stop what you’re doing. Do not try again.”

I clutched the back of my head and blew out a sigh.

“I know, I know. I fucked it up. On so many levels. I was so caught up in what I was trying to do, I forgot about, you know, Tamra. I thought her yelp was surprise.”

I took a sip of beer in the silence that followed my admission.

Jimmy shook his head. “I don’t know if you’re coming back from that one, man. What happened after that?”

I swiped my beer bottle across my forehead again, whether to take solace in the cool glass, or try to hide my shame from Jimmy, I wasn’t quite sure. “There was knocking on the door, and then the staff used keys let Tamra’s sister in. She went off on Tamra. It was ugly.”

“Fuuuuuck. How did you leave it with her?”

I paced the small kitchen.

“Well, I defended Tamra to her sister, so at least I think I got that right? Unless I was supposed to let her defend herself? I don’t know, man. I was probably supposed to let her slay her own dragons and fucked that up too. She just sort of froze up, and I couldn’t let Jennifer tear her down like that. It was uncalled for.”

I paused for another pull on my beer. The alcohol was making my already queasy stomach roil. Drinking more probably wasn’t my best move. I’d burned up my good moves on the dance floor earlier. Scratch that. According to Jimmy, I had no good moves.

“How did Tamra react after the shock wore off?”

“She asked to go home. I offered to hang out with her there, but she wasn’t interested. Then I suggested that we could do it again some other time, and she pretty much told me to fuck off.”

“Pretty much, or did?” Jimmy clarified.

My chest constricted, remembering her words.

“I think the words were, ‘Fuck no, I hope not.’”

Jimmy seemed at a loss. I’d aired my dirty laundry, so I took another swig of my beer and peered down at the peeling label, picking at the edge with my thumb. If I didn’t look at him, it wouldn’t be so painfully obvious how badly I’d failed. The silence continued while Jimmy digested all that I’d told him. He scratched his head.

“Ah, I’m not sure how to come back from a ‘fuck not.’ That’s a tough one,” he acknowledged. “Did you try the apology route? Have you reached out at all?” he asked.

Bile washed up my throat, picturing her disappointment in me.

I shook my head. “No, I was afraid I’d make things worse. I wanted to wait until I could talk with you and get a fresh take on the whole thing.”

Fresh take or miracle. A guy could hope. So far, Jimmy had been short on reassurances, and my heart sank as his silence lingered. It was entirely possible I’d ruined my only chance with Tamra.

Jimmy rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck like a fighter preparing for the ring. “Okay, here’s what you do then. Give her space tonight but reach out tomorrow and try to apologize. Pop quiz: what are you