Marianne by Elizabeth Hammer (best books to read in life TXT) 📕

She smiled. “Let’s hear them.”

He held up one fist and stared at it. Then he held up the other and stared at that one.

She laughed and held out Patrick’s plate to him. “Very persuasive.”

“Thank you.” He took the plate from her. “Did you eat?”

“Yes.” Wait a sec. No, she didn’t. That was a weird lie, totally unpremeditated.

“What?” said Patrick.

“Um...” Marianne looked up at him and wrinkled her nose. “Actually, I didn’t eat. I don’t know why I said that.”

Patrick smiled at her and offered the plate back.

“No. I’ll get something from the kitchen.” She shook her head and walked out of the room. She went partway down the hall and came back. She leaned her head in. “That was a weird thing to say, huh? Why did I do that?”

Patrick thought for a second. “Maybe you forgot.”

Marianne stared out the window. “Yeah.” Then she focused her eyes on Patrick. “What am I asking you for, anyway?”

Patrick pushed a pair of imaginary eyeglasses up farther on his nose. “Because I know everything.”

She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms. “You know, you’re kind of weird. You’re a thug on the outside and an honor roll student on the inside. I think that—”

“Go eat.”

“Oh, yeah.” Marianne popped up and went to the kitchen. She got three pieces of cold pizza and a diet soda from the fridge. And she grabbed a bag of circus animal cookies, too. She’d been perfect, perfect, on her diet all week. Marianne ate her pizza from her swivel chair and heckled Patrick’s wretched video until Danielle came to the door and asked her to babysit.

“They’re already in bed, but sicky over there is always scared that Monkey will wake up. You’ll stay, right?”

“Sure thing.”

Danielle spotted the cookie bag on Marianne’s lap. “Ooh, I want one.” She had hawk eyes, even though no lights were on in the room except the TV.

Marianne looked down and picked up the bag... What the? At least half of what had been there was gone now. Marianne felt as if she had lost time. Just jumped right over a tiny portion of her life. How many had she eaten? She had no memory of eating at all. The demon clutched her around the throat. Marianne smiled and handed the cookies to Danielle. Oh no, please, not now. Today was a good day. She was allowed to cheat. It couldn’t even properly be called cheating if she was allowed.

“Thanks.” Danielle tossed the bag back to Marianne and left. Marianne folded the plastic over and hugged the bag onto her chest. Go away. Go away.

“Hey, Cookie,” said Patrick. “You look sick.”

She clenched her jaw to keep herself from shouting at him not to call her Cookie. She smiled at him and shook her head fiercely. “I’m good.”

Patrick reached over and tapped her under the chin. “You’re so pretty.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you are.”

“Okay, then,” said Marianne. “I am.”

Patrick leaned back against the wall, but held her hand on the arm of her chair. He pointed toward the bag in her arms. “All done?”

Did he think she’d overdone it? Why had he called her Cookie? Why was he so obsessed with the stinking cookies? Marianne nodded, but tried to keep very still otherwise. She could keep her panic a secret if she kept from moving. It was as if she had all her anxiety locked up behind a very delicate door. If she opened that door even a bit—if she let her body fidget at all—then it would all come spilling out. And she wasn’t going to ruin tonight by letting it spill out. She wasn’t going to get up. She wasn’t going to throw up her food tonight. It had been a long time since she’d let herself stay full, but she could do it.

Patrick took the bag from her and set it on the nightstand. Every second that passed on the TV, every line of narration took three times as long as it should have. And for the first time, she wanted Patrick to stop touching her. His hand around hers was almost as irritating as the pulsing ache in her chest. She couldn’t think of anything except how to get alone. Not alone so that she could throw up, but just to be alone.

The sounds from the TV were like jarring blasts in her ears. Patrick might as well have been pinching her. This wasn’t right. She told herself that she was being stupid. That she was fine. The TV was fine. Patrick was fine.

Nope.

She just couldn’t get over herself. What the hell was wrong with her? Marianne thought the words then. The words she never thought she would think... You have a problem. She blinked and tried to focus on the movie. Then she thought them again. You have a problem.

No way. She was being melodramatic. Eating disorders didn’t come out of nowhere. They came out of traumas. They came out of abuse. No, this was biological. That was it. She’d been keeping her stomach empty lately and purging if she didn’t. It was just a biological reaction. Her body was simply unused to the feeling of being full. Great. Wonderful. She could deal with that. She could deal with biology. She could win, too. She was strong enough not to eat, no matter how hungry she was. She could be strong enough to keep from puking, too. Go to hell, bodily reaction. Marianne was not going to submit.

Patrick sighed heavily at her side.

“What is it?” asked Marianne.

“I just don’t want to leave again tomorrow,” he said. “I have to go at noon.”

“Your boss will understand if you’re too sick to drive. Right?”

Patrick turned to her and smiled. “I’m fine to drive. I just don’t want to leave you again.”

Marianne smiled down at her lap and tried not to be disgusted with herself for wishing that he would just go now. His presence was still pinching her. She told