A Closed Heart by Oster, Camille (acx book reading txt) 📕

Julius had brought his chef too. There was nothing tentative about this action on Julius’ part. He’d jumped in wholeheartedly. But what if he didn’t like Brighton? How could he not? Maybe he’d see it as colloquial and backwards, but then he lived in the country. The point of Brighton, at least to her, was that one could be whoever one wanted here, provided one was willing to bear the consequences. Maybe that wasn’t strictly different from anywhere else, but it seemed like a lighter burden here.

As the supper finished, Atticus was taken upstairs by Mr. Fuller. It left them alone, and her nervousness reasserted itself.

“I don’t think Mr. Fuller is returning,” Julius said. “Would you like a brandy?”

“That would be nice,” she said and rose from her chair. It felt like a large space for just the two of them. She wandered into the salon again while Julius poured brandy into glasses. A tray had been left for them on one of the sideboards.

“You look devastatingly beautiful tonight,” he said as he returned with the glasses.

“You resented me in these dresses once upon a time,” she said.

“You always looked very pretty. Even back then.”

“I didn’t think you noticed.”

“No man is that blind. And how lucky am I that you decided to reject every potential suitor that noticed too? It might have been a journey to come to appreciate that—one I cannot regret because it gave me a wonderful son, but I am so very happy I’ve come around to appreciate how pretty is the girl in those dresses.”

They sat together, now unable to keep any notion of formality. They sat close and she inhaled deeply as he brought her closer. They sat in silence for a moment, the fire crackling in the grate.

“Perhaps we are the luckiest of all,” he said.

“What if you don’t like it here?” she asked.

“I think I’ll like it. How could I not when this is where you are? And if I absolutely hated it, this would still be where you are. By default, I cannot cease to want to be here.”

Smiling, Jane lay her cheek down on his shoulder.

“Please stay tonight,” he said. There was a rawness in his voice. Words straight from the heart. They had a resonance that couldn’t be mistaken.

“I hadn’t intended otherwise.”

“Good,” he said and kissed her. His lips meeting hers was a pleasure she’d missed terribly, and it had hurt her deeply to think she would never have it again. Softness and sweetness washed over her. The taste that had become so familiar to her it felt like home, pleasantly mixed a little with brandy. While the house might not, he certainly felt like home. Oh, she was in such deep trouble. She was utterly in love with this man.

As the kiss broke, she looked into his eyes and they had a moment of stillness. How could she possibly leave? Would she ever be able to? She needed him too much.

To calm herself, she took a sip of her brandy. This was utterly lovely.

“Atticus really enjoyed the day,” Julius said. “And he was very excited to see you.”

“It was the best surprise to see you both. This wasn’t how I expected the day to end when I woke up today.”

“Are you sorry?” he asked, his eyes returning to her again. He wanted to know the truth.

“No. I don’t think I can ever be sorry about seeing you. I know I have been worried. I know the things I said. But what you have done is extraordinary. It gives me such great hope,” she said, smiling when she really felt tears threatening. Good tears, the kind where she couldn’t believe how lucky she was.

They kissed again, deeply as the seconds from the clock ticked by. Jane had to exhale sharply as it broke, still savoring the taste.

“Tomorrow, if you’re willing, I’d like to go back to that pub and debate with the proletariat.”

“The proletariat?”

“That was how they referred to themselves. I think I shall enjoy that immensely.”

“It is in your nature to argue. I believe you’ll have receptive participants. You may not be outright welcome, or your perspective.”

“If they can’t defend their positions, they’re not worth much, are they?”

Jane smiled. “I think you’ll enjoy Brighton immensely.” Perhaps, like her, he could shed some of society’s expectations here too. There was so much placed on him due to his position and title, but in a place like this, what was to stop him from shedding some of them? He’d effectively done so to be with her already. This was in no way a relationship that society would approve off. They would insist it was something seedy and ugly, but not a real relationship, not one of equals. Society mandated that he was so far above her, she was an unreasonable partner for him. But he had left that all behind for her.

“You are wonderful, Julius Hennington.”

The look in his eyes showed he didn’t know exactly what he was referring to, but didn’t feel the need to press. “It’s nice that someone recognizes it,” he said with amusement.

Chapter 37

IT WAS RELATIVELY EARLY when Julius arrived at Octavia’s house. He’d come straight from the station by hack. The streets of London still distressed him. The poverty and the filth. Living in Brighton, he saw how people in a smaller town lived, and it should be the model for London, but the infrastructure needed to allow it.

“Oh my,” his sister said as she walked into the morning room after her butler had gone to fetch her. Her step visibly paused when she’d seen him. “I was just about to have Mr. Thompson throw you out. What in the world are you wearing, Julius?”

“Perfectly serviceable clothes,” he said. Admittedly, his dress was a little less formal than he’d used