Discarded by M. Hunter (the reading list .txt) 📕

‘Have you ever kissed a boy?’ Precious asked next.

Joanna dropped her gaze to her lap, where her fingers were fidgeting with nervous energy. She imagined Precious had probably had lots of experience kissing boys, and that was probably what gave her such confidence. Would admitting her lack of experience make Joanna appear immature? She didn’t want to lie to her new friend.

‘It’s okay if you haven’t,’ Precious said, lifting Joanna’s chin with her finger. ‘I’d never kissed a boy before I came here either, and you’re what, ten or eleven, right?’

Joanna’s heart warmed at the thought that she appeared older than her nine years, and made no effort to correct her.

‘I was twelve when I first had to kiss a boy. I was really nervous and didn’t know if I was doing it right, but then someone showed me how to do it, and then I wasn’t so nervous the next time I had to do it.’

Joanna blew air up to her fringe, trying to cool down as the spinning room picked up speed, and suddenly felt unbearably warm.

‘I could show you what to do,’ Precious offered, sliding closer. ‘It’s how girls learn what to do; they practise with friends they can trust.’

Joanna’s frown deepened. ‘You want to kiss me?’

‘No, I want to show you how to do it properly, so that when you have to do it you won’t mess it up.’

‘But I don’t want to kiss boys. It’s disgusting.’

Precious laughed quietly. ‘I used to think that too, but when you do it right… it can be nice.’

Joanna leaned back, widening the gap between them. ‘Are there other boys here? I mean, I met Chez, but I don’t want to kiss him.’

‘There are others who come and go from time to time.’

‘But is there anyone else who lives here, on this site?’

‘Right now it’s just the two of us – and Grey of course, but you’ve met him, haven’t you?’

Joanna shuddered at the memory of his tongue on her cheek. ‘He scares me.’

‘It’s Mr Brown who you want to be really scared of. Grey is a pussycat most of the time; you just have to do what he says and he’ll leave you alone. I’ll protect you from him if you want me to?’

Joanna nodded.

Precious lifted Joanna’s mug and passed it to her. ‘Very well, I will do that for you, but in return I need you to do this for me. Kissing is just a way people show affection towards one another. Right? Why do you think grown-ups do it so much? Because of how it makes them feel. You might not want to do it, but you’re going to have to at some point. I told Grey I’d help you be ready for that.’ Precious sighed deeply. ‘It’s up to you. Learn with an expert, or go it alone. It’s your choice.’

Joanna pressed the rim of the mug to her lips, and swallowed the chilled liquid, hoping it would cool her now sweltering head. ‘Okay,’ she said, lowering the mug. ‘I’m ready.’

Precious shuffled closer. ‘Good, now first of all I want you to relax. Your shoulders are too tense, and you need to remember this is a perfectly natural situation. Take a deep breath and slowly exhale, feeling your shoulders lower.’

Joanna did as instructed, but her shoulders and neck remained rigid.

‘Kylie, you need to relax. Okay? I’m not making you do anything you don’t want to.’ She took Joanna’s hand in her own. ‘We’re friends now, and you need to trust me and listen to what I’m saying.’

Joanna tried again, breathing deeper and exhaling for longer, allowing her body to yield.

‘Good, now I want you to close your eyes. Not tightly, but just enough that your eyelids join together, as you would when you are going to sleep.’

Joanna allowed her eyes to close, and jerked as she realised she was falling back onto the cushion. She felt Precious moving closer, and her shoulders tensed again as she waited for the impact.

‘Just wet your lips with your tongue, and purse them a bit. This won’t hurt.’

Joanna’s toes wouldn’t stop making fists on the carpet tiles, and her stilted breaths weren’t helping her rapidly rising heartbeat, and as she smelled Precious closing in she retched, only just managing to avoid throwing up all over Precious, but the floor didn’t escape unscathed.

‘Ooh, gross!’ Precious exclaimed, sliding away and then heading into the kitchen to collect a roll of kitchen paper.

‘I-I-I’m so sorry,’ Joanna slurred, a claw-like ache digging its sharp nails into every crevice of her brain. ‘I-I don’t feel very well,’ she concluded, tears rushing to escape her eyes.

‘All you need is some fresh air,’ Precious said, hoisting Joanna off the cushion, draping an arm over her shoulders and half-dragging her to the caravan door. ‘I swear to God if this is some elaborate escape plan, you’d better rethink it; I’m not so easy to fool as Chez. If it comes down to a choice between saving you or myself, I’m looking after number one. You get me?’

Joanna welcomed the breeze and drizzle on her face as they made it down the steps and onto the wet grass. ‘Please tell me where they’ve taken Chez. He shouldn’t be punished for what I did.’

‘Oh my God! Will you stop banging on about Chez? He’s gone; you won’t see him again. Forget about him.’

‘No, we need to speak to Grey. You can explain that it was my fault, and if someone should be sent away, it’s me and not him.’

‘Oh my God! Why can’t you get this through yer thick head? Chez is gone. He’s gone. He’s not coming back. They killed him cos of what you did last night. Don’t you get it yet? These are bad men here. You want to survive, then you do as they say. You screw up and they put you in the ground and find the next one to take your place.’

Joanna crashed to the floor as Precious released her arm