A Trick of the Light by Ali Carter (surface ebook reader txt) 📕

‘What fun to have a threesome,’ said Felicity, who was standing in-between Rupert and Giles.

Toby squeezed my hand and I pretended not to get the joke.

Dashing White Sergeant went on, and on, and on. I could not wait for our ménage à trois to break up. And when Davy finally decided to call it a day and his children’s exhausted right arms dropped to their sides, I broke away without saying thanks.

I was headed straight for a seat against the wall but blooming Toby was on my tail and together we sat down side by side.

‘I don’t think you should trust that man,’ he said.

‘Louis?’

‘Yes, he seems to like you.’

‘Nah, he’s just a flirt.’

‘Exactly, he’ll hurt you.’

How dare Toby dole out dating advice. I didn’t even look at him let alone respond. What an arrogant so and so he is.

‘You were talking about Landseer?’ he said. ‘His pictures go for a fortune in Canada.’

‘Do they?’

‘Yes, popular with Canucks who claim they have Celtic roots. They’d buy anything to bolster their Scottish credentials.’

‘But they’d have to have the money to buy Landseer, and anyway the Muchtons never sell their paintings,’ I grunted, though my mind was whirling with the idea a Muchton ancestor could have sold two originals to a Canadian.

‘I respect that. There must be a lot of family history wrapped up in the collection and you know how I like family history,’ Toby smiled.

It annoyed me he’d referred to a conversation we’d had in the past. A conversation at a happy time. All memories with him were trashed in my mind. Toby had walked me down a happy path then dropped me into a lonely unhappy void. Anything we once shared together was now meaningless and made me feel sad.

I stood up. ‘I’m tired. I’m going to bed.’

‘Well,’ he stood up too, ‘sleep tight. We must try and meet up again soon.’

Oh my goodness, I wanted to scream my frustration at the top of my voice. Meet up? Soon? Is he joking?

Toby held my shoulders and looked into my watery eyes. ‘I’ve missed you, Susie. Take care of yourself. I hope we can keep being friends.’

Keep being friends. Who says we’re friends? Get out of my life.

We kissed goodbye on both cheeks and I dashed upstairs before anyone caught my tears falling.

Oh God, I wish I could control my emotions. They just love to explode inside me when things aren’t going my way and right now they’re at an all-time high.

I haven’t cried like this for at least a month and look at me now, bundled up in bed bawling my eyes out. Seeing Toby sparked it, but now it’s the thought I might be flying solo forever. I don’t need my friends around me all the time, I very rarely chat to them on the phone, but I’ve always wanted to share my life with someone and I had really believed that someone would be Toby.

I’m getting no further away from forty and I’m just as vulnerable as I always was. All my good intentions of abandoning the search for a long-term partner have gone out the window. I’m not suited to short-term flings. The truth is, I long to embark on a monogamous journey, say goodbye to the singles scene. I look forward to the security of a lifelong partner, the bond between two people and the opportunity it holds. Marriage for me is the only way out. I couldn’t co-habit or ‘go out’ with someone for a long time, my religion would rub up against that. But I’d also never sacrifice true love to tick a few boxes. I couldn’t get hitched to any old body, he’d have to be the one. But this idealistic view leaves me in a miserable place and I’ve only got myself to blame.

I’m now riddled with downcast thoughts and it’s at times like this when I have to try extra hard not to lose my faith. One of the aggravating things about God is he doesn’t strike deals. I can’t bargain with him, say ‘I’ll never swear again’ in return for something I want. He’s tough like that. But if I desert him, omnipresent and all that, I really am alone. I must keep my faith however desperate life becomes.

Knock, knock, came through my bedroom door… Don’t be Toby…

Louis entered uninvited.

‘Please go away, I’m in bed.’

He flicked on the overhead light.

‘Oi, get out.’ I pulled the duvet over my head.

‘Just wanted to say goodnight. Here, I’ll turn off the light.’ He bent down and turned on the sidelight instead. ‘Susie, what’s wrong?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Okay, that’s fine. Neither do I. It doesn’t look like it’d be much fun.’

I popped my head out of the duvet.

‘Come on, sit up, let’s have a chat,’ Louis smiled. ‘In fact, I’m going to go get us a drink. Hang on a sec.’

He left the room and I let out a huff. Grrr. I don’t want to see anyone right now. But I know he’s coming back, I have no control over that, so I get up to put on a jumper. While I’m at it, why not apply a bit of concealer too? I might as well try and make myself look nice.

Louis breezed in the door and shut it behind him.

‘Here you go.’ He placed a whisky and soda on the side table, saying, ‘I’ll have it if you don’t.’

He then kicked off his shoes and lay down on the other end of my bed. The mattress dipped and I actually quite liked the feeling of his legs pushed up against mine.

I took a sip of whisky. ‘Thanks for this.’

‘I’m good at reading minds, aren’t I?’

‘And getting into girls’ beds.’

He smiled and leant forwards to toast my glass. ‘Damn,’ he winced as he leant down on his bad arm.

‘How did you pull the muscle?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Yes you do. Don’t worry, I won’t think you’re a