Preface to Murder by M Morris (funny books to read txt) 📕

‘Hi, what can I get you?’

Jake was distracted momentarily by the barman’s haircut. Shaved to the skin at the back and sides, and clipped to a buzz cut on top, an abstract design of swooping lines and curves had been etched into the hair with a razor.

‘Um… a French Martini’ – Jake had no idea what a French Martini was, but he knew he didn’t want one for himself – ‘and do you have any beer?’

The barman reached into a brightly-lit fridge for a bottle. ‘This month we’re featuring a pineapple and mint sour beer from New Zealand.’

‘Pineapple and mint?’ The strange concoction sounded like one of Ffion’s weird teas. ‘What about a plain Yorkshire bitter?’

‘No, sorry.’

Reluctantly, Jake accepted a beer and a cocktail in exchange for what seemed like a substantial portion of his month’s salary, and carried them over to the secluded table where Lauren was waiting for him, all smoky eyes and plunging neckline. She looked very much at home, as if this place was a regular haunt.

He took the seat opposite her and tried a mouthful of his overpriced beer. In his opinion, pineapple and mint did nothing to improve the flavour, and Yorkshire had nothing to fear from an invasion of Kiwi beer.

Lauren sipped her cocktail, then slid her hands across the table to touch his. ‘I’ve been so looking forward to meeting you, Jake.’

‘Me you,’ he said.

She rubbed her fingers lightly across his palm. ‘So, go on. Tell me all about yourself.’

He wondered where to begin. ‘I’m from Leeds originally, but I moved to Oxford about a year ago. I’m a police detective with Thames Valley Police.’

Lauren stroked her fingers over his. ‘Mm. That’s very interesting. Is that a dangerous job, Jake?’

He turned the question over in his mind. Was his job dangerous? There had certainly been moments when he’d been in mortal peril. He remembered one occasion on top of a college tower, with only a low stone parapet preventing him from plunging to the ground below. And other times when he had grappled assailants armed with deadly weapons including a razor-sharp shard of Chinese ceramic and a ceremonial dagger. But just as often, he recalled, it had been Ffion who had faced the danger full on and made the arrest.

‘It’s not so bad, really,’ he said.

‘I think you must be very brave,’ said Lauren. She gazed deeply into his eyes. ‘You’re a very handsome man, Jake. Has anyone ever told you that?’

‘Um…’ He tried to remember if Ffion had ever said anything along those lines. He didn’t think she had. In fact, she had never said anything particularly complimentary about him during the whole time they were together. Somehow, that had been easier to handle than Lauren’s outpouring of flattery.

He returned her gaze, losing himself in the dark pools of her eyes. It seemed expected that he should return her compliment. ‘You’re a very beautiful woman, Lauren.’

She leaned closer. ‘Kiss me, Jake.’

He felt his own face move towards hers, almost like he had lost control over his actions. Lauren’s lips parted and her eyes drifted closed.

They were about to kiss when a man’s voice cut across the pounding music. ‘Oi! Get away from her!’

Lauren’s eyes flicked open and Jake felt the spell that had been cast over him break. He was on his feet in an instant.

A man was striding towards him, a look of outrage on his face, his hands bunching into fists.

Jake moved to intercept him. ‘Hey, calm down mate. What’s your problem?’

‘You wanna know what my problem is?’ The man jerked his head in Lauren’s direction. ‘You’re having an affair with my wife!’

‘Your wife?’

‘Aidan,’ pleaded Lauren. ‘I can explain!’

Jake turned to her. ‘Is this man your husband?’ Ryan had given him plenty of dating advice, but he had never discussed this eventuality.

‘I am,’ said Aidan. ‘And who the hell are you?’

‘I’m a police officer.’

‘You expect me to believe that? You cheeky bastard!’

A fist swung in Jake’s direction and he dodged aside. Aidan was a big guy and he stumbled heavily into the table, sending drinks flying. Lauren screamed.

Jake reached into his pocket and pulled out his warrant card. ‘I’m Detective Sergeant Jake Derwent,’ he shouted as Aidan lumbered back to his feet. ‘And you need to calm down right now.’

‘Calm down? While you’re sleeping with my wife? I don’t care if you’re a bloody police officer or not!’ He aimed another punch at Jake.

This time Jake caught it and spun the aggrieved husband around, gripping his arm behind his back. Aidan cried out in pain. Jake pushed him up against a wall and slipped a pair of cuffs over his wrists. ‘Now then, mate,’ he said, ‘you can stay like that until you’ve calmed down. And then you and your wife can sort this out between yourselves in a civilised fashion. Otherwise, I’ll be taking you back to the station with me.’

29

At the team meeting the next morning, Bridget couldn’t help noticing that Ffion was looking like the cat who’d got the cream, whereas Jake looked as if his milk had been snatched away from him and then he’d been shut outside all night in the cold.

So when Bridget asked whether anyone had anything to report, she wasn’t surprised when Ffion’s hand shot up. ‘I managed to work out Diane’s password last night, and got into her laptop.’ Her excitement only made her Welsh accent more pronounced than ever.

‘What have you managed to find?’

‘I know where the payments to her off-shore bank account are coming from.’

Now Bridget felt her own anticipation mounting. Had they finally made the breakthrough she had been hoping for? Enough to keep Grayson off her back and Baxter at bay? ‘Go on.’

‘Diane wrote