No Man Left Behind: A Veteran Inspired Charity Anthology by Elizabeth Knox (black authors fiction TXT) 📕

“I don’t . . .” I don’t know what I can’t do but I just feel anxious right now.

“Can we just talk?” he asks.

Talking I can do. Or I can try.

We sit in silence as he hands me a beer and sets out a couple sandwiches.

“Did you make them or my mom?” I side eye him.

He laughs. “I did.”

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Do I make you nervous?” he asks.

“Umm, what?” I mean he does but I want to know what he means by that.

“You always flinch or shy away when I get close.”

Well here we go.

“What do you want from me Bear? What is this?” I gesture to everything and I know that came out rude, but I resort to snarkiness when I feel my back is against the wall or when I can’t process my feelings.

“I want you.”

“Want me?” He what? Wants me how? Like a side piece or a girlfriend or just to have sex with?

“I’ve loved you from the day you apologized for that piece of shit in the hallway at school. I bought you that horse because I know that a pet’s love can do wonders for the soul. And I’ve waited twenty fucking years for you to come home to tell you that. I want you in my life, no matter how I get that.”

And I start to cry. I think this is the first time I’ve cried, besides being in the barn with Thunder, in twenty years. The dam broke, how do I turn it off?

“Shit,” he says as he reaches for me and then pulls his hand back.

“I’m not good with feelings. I cry over the stupidest stuff ever since I came home. But I’m a nobody, why would you want me?”

“You are smart and you did something others can’t or won’t do. You served your country. I know it wasn’t easy. I’ve heard the nightmares and I’ve wanted nothing more than to hold you through them.”

“I can’t make a relationship work if I can’t even stand a hug,” I sniff.

“Do you like me, at least?” he asks.

I nod. Bear is sweet and kind.

And I guess protective with that growl he had when Cade helped me up and then I look down and notice his hands.

“What happened?” I gasp.

“Hawke and I disagreed about something,” he says with a shrug.

“Me?” Probably the night of the bonfire at the pond.

Bear nods.

“Oh.”

“Look, I won’t push you to do something you don’t want to do. But can we try. I’ll take it slow,” he says.

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Can I try something?” he asks.

I nod.

“Trust me,” he says as he leans closer. My breathing becomes quick and shallow. I’m trying not to panic.

I think about Thunder and Mystic and Bug.

Bear lifts a hand and tucks my hair behind my ear. That’s all he does and I’m still alive, I didn’t die.

“Thank you.” He smiles at me.

“Wasn’t too bad,” I admit.

“I promise to tell you before I touch you,” he says and I think I want to try more touches.

“You didn’t ask at the house.” I point out.

“I think you knew I was going to take your hand.” He smiles his megawatt smile at me.

And when I think about it, I was okay with it.

It even felt right.

“Can I touch you?” I feel like a teenager, blushing because I’m so inexperienced.

He nods and I reach out and run my fingers through his hair and he groans.

The last time I touched a guy was about a year into the service. I know I was married several times, but I just couldn’t go all the way with them. All divorces because I wouldn’t put out and even though it hurt that they cheated, I can see where I was wrong.

Hearing Bear groan, I want to do more.

“Slow,” he says, kissing my hand before reaching for his sandwich and I do the same.

“I think what you’re doing for fellow veterans is awesome.” He grins.

“I hope so. I just know that Thunder is a lifeline, as are Mystic and Bug and I want that for others like me.”

“Have you thought about hiring riding instructors?” he asks.

“I was hoping you and Chance would help me with that. And in the process of healing, Hawke.”

Bear cringes and locks up.

“I’ve seen the world in an evil way and I want to believe that there is still some good in the world. He might not be my favorite person, but he’s in a bad way. This is to help all people, not just veterans. If I can offer a job or two to people in town that need it, then it helps.”

“You are sweet and kindhearted.” Bear smiles at me.

We sit in silence and I feel at peace for once.

Chapter Fourteen

Sienna

I sleep through the night for the first time and it feels good.

Everyone, including Cade, is sitting in the kitchen when I come down the stairs. They don’t look happy and I immediately know something is wrong.

“What?” I snap, not meaning to, but my heart is beating and I know this is going to shatter me whatever it is.

“Thunder . . .” Bear starts and I take off to the barn.

He’s on the ground and he doesn’t look good. Mystic and Bug are laying with him.

“Thunder,” I cry out, collapsing next to him.

I can’t do this, I can’t lose him. I start to sob, curling into him, not knowing what else to do.

“Sienna.” I don’t know who is talking to me, nor do I care. I need Thunder.

I sob as I latch onto Thunder’s neck. He nuzzles me and I look at him. He knows it’s time to go. He wants to go.

He nuzzles me one last time, in his way telling me it will be okay and he just lays down. And he’s gone, I know it.

“NO!”

“Sienna.” I hear my name, but I don’t know who it is.

Someone grabs me and I lash out. In horror for being touched and because I want my horse.

He’s gone. Bear was right, he