All the Little Things by Sarah Lawton (the best books to read txt) 📕

been too stupid to notice. It had been my fault, not hers. She wasn’t a bad person. She loved Molly. She wouldn’t hurt Molly.

Almost as the front door closed, the back door opened, and Alex came in. My head was still spinning. I saw him looking at the empty wine bottle on the side, the vodka bottle beside it. A cool look at me. I realised the police had probably seen them too. They must have thought I was a lush who kept no track on her daughter, let her stay out to all hours. A small burn of real awareness started inside me, waking me up from the stupor I had let myself slip into. What was I doing?

Alex walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders, ran them up to my neck, rubbing at the tension he found there. He always felt so cool to touch, cool and smooth and good. I put up one of my hands, held onto his. I knew it had to end, that foolish episode. But it was so hard; despite the difference in our ages, there was a genuine attraction and connection between us. I could feel it, and my head was full of constant, running justifications for my behaviour. But there was nothing healthy in it for either of us. It was a mistake.

‘Alex. Alex, I’m so sorry, but this has to stop. We can’t keep doing this, it isn’t right. I’m old enough to be your mother. It’s wrong. I can’t do this any more.’

I looked up at him. I knew it might be the last time I got to see him, and I knew he would probably hate me. I wanted to punish myself by memorising the look on his beautiful face so I could remember it in the small hours of the night when I was alone, again.

It crumpled in shock. ‘Please don’t say that, Rach, please. I think you’re amazing. This is the only good thing that’s happened to me in years, you don’t understand, please don’t.’ To my horror I saw tears beginning to gather in his beautiful eyes, threaten to spill, pooling onto his thick eyelashes. I’d had no idea there was any real emotional involvement, for either of us, really; I thought that it was just some awful physical addiction we had got caught up in. He got down onto his knees next to me as I sat there, shocked, put his hands to my face. ‘Please, Rachel, please. Don’t do this.’

I reached up, took his hands away and pushed them gently back towards him, traitorous fingers revelling one last time in how they felt on my skin. ‘Alex, please – you must realise that this wasn’t ever going to go anywhere? I thought you knew that, that it was just…’

‘Just what? You were just using me?’

‘No! Never! It’s only been a week, it wasn’t like that, it was never…’ But I didn’t know what to say to him, to that boy kneeling in front of me, beseeching me. I didn’t understand what he wanted and it broke my heart. I didn’t say anything else, I couldn’t. His face lost all expression, closed up, his eyes a dark, pained green full of bitter tears that he brushed away, angrily. He shoved himself to his feet and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving me with his parting words.

‘You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you. I should have known.’

By the time I understood what he should have known, it was too late.

Vivian

I still haven’t heard from Alex. It’s like he’s disappeared off the face of the earth. I even went into the reception in the college, made up some rubbish about him tutoring me and needing to find him. I don’t think that the horrid woman there believed me, though; she just looked at me and laughed and said she couldn’t tell me. Bitch.

After my failure with her I went to class and found that Tilly and Serena have moved tables. We all used to sit on the second row, but they have moved to the back, and there wasn’t a space for me there. The rejection feels like a dagger under my ribs. I hold my hand briefly to my side, look at it, expecting blood. There’s no blood, but there is the ever-present cold, simmering loathing. They’ve never liked me. They’ve always been jealous that Molly liked me the best. I’ll show them.

I walk over to where they are sitting quietly, heads together over a magazine. Looking at some stupid make-up tutorial, vain little bitches. I hate them.

‘Did you get an email from Molly?’ I ask them, cool as you like.

‘What?’ says Serena, jerking toward me. ‘No, what email? What did she say? Where is she, she’s being fucking ridiculous now, her mum has rung me about eleventy billion times asking me if I know where she’s gone!’

I smile at them. I’ve got the power now.

‘She just said she was pissed off with her parents ignoring her and leaving her on her own all the time, so she’s gone now and how do they like it. She probably emailed them the same thing, so hopefully Abi will stop giving you a hard time now. Like Molly would ever tell you anything, anyway.’

I take a second to enjoy the hurt look on her face – serves her right – and then I turn on my heel and go and sit in my usual seat as if everything is completely normal.

I don’t have any lessons with Tilly and Serena because they are both thick, but I do find myself missing Molly a bit. She made me laugh in lessons, taking the piss out of everything and gossiping. I have maths first, and instead of sitting on my usual, now Molly-less table, I decide to sit next to Becky. She almost jumps out of her seat. Chloe isn’t in this class either, also being a bit thick, but Becky can’t hide her intelligence