Seven Demons by Aidan Truhen (best motivational books for students TXT) 📕

noted asshat prankster like Banjo. The more it looks as if it must be fake, the more Agent Hannah’s bosses will represent that it is the exact truth and no they are not even a little bit joking. The more they say it is the truth the more they invest in that the less they will believe her crazy theory that Banjo Telemark is Jack Price and the more she will know it is true.

And Hans Eiger will still hate every word of it.

Mr. Eiger.

O Mr. Eiger.

Gunmen in armored cars? In a civic space where there are homes and families? Where there are children sleeping? What if someone found out? People might say that it is inappropriate to a gentleman of your associations and position in society. They might say MY god that is NOT correct that is QUITE IRRESPONSIBLE it is anti-social really and scandalous there should be a criminal investigation serious consequences HERR GOTT NO’MAL.

Influential people. Sensible, right-thinking people. Mothers. Fathers. Train drivers and technologists and chocolatiers and ski teachers and scientists and—you know—

The Swiss.

Mr. Eiger.

For shame sir.

For shame.

—

Doc comes and I am a mess with blood and by now it’s really uncomfortable having a pen in my breathing parts and every time my lungs work it’s like well exactly like you would fucking imagine. Hashtag do not want.

“Price what the fuck—”

“Just glue it—”

“I am gluing it shut up for ten seconds—”

“Just OW—”

“Shut up ONE Thermopylae TWO Thermopylae…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“TEN O thank God—”

“You PINCHED me in the TRACHE HOLE ow Doc enough with the needles already—”

“That is a drip full of good things you need at this time. Now hush. Our guest is here. At least you are authentically tousled and disreputably drug-seeking—”

“I am not drug-seeking you pronged me in the blood parts—wait what guest—”

“Remember last night before you started a war in the capital of a peaceful nation?”

“That was not me that was them but also too YOU SAID—”

“I said distraction—with an A not a U—”

“I see what you did there but Doc it truly it was not my fault also too Agent Hannah—”

“Hush Jack.”

“Wait what?”

“Hush. Jack. It’s fine.”

“…You called me Jack?”

“I did.”

“Because of the future we have that we totally do have?”

“Because use of an injured person’s first name is demonstrated to have an immediate calming effect and even there are studies showing increased healing.”

“Or that.”

“Jack.”

“Yes?”

“Also because of the future.”

“The future that we do have?”

“That future. Yes.”

“Aw Doc.”

“Always accepting that the future as we construct it is—”

“I have glandular feelings for you Doc such as would be observed in a brain releasing oxytocin and associated neuropeptides that are linked with the human experience of positive emotion but also with the urge a starfish has to evert its stomach and devour small crustacea as prey.”

“…Shut up or I will have sex with you now and it would hurt you.”

“Ooooooh…”

In fact Doc does not have sex with me because somewhere between the moment when she leans down to kiss me and the moment I touch the skin of her stomach with my hand and I hear her chuckle in her throat and she captures my hand—the one which was inappropriately touched by a significantly excited federal clitoris but the one also which held the tactical pen—and slips it into her mouth—which I totally remember happening but she says never happened—I fall asleep.

—

Here then I guess is the scorecard apart from that we successfully kidnapped a nice lady from a seal sex establishment:

I have annoyed Hans Eiger enough that he called in Monsieur Leclerc the Franco-Belgian Nazi. Leclerc is not a drawing room guy he is not presentable not Swiss-friendly he is a tough guy. He has crossed the line and in fact metaphorically he has peed in the civic fondue and the whole of Swiss lawful goodness desires his balls in a bucket—though they are too lawful good to actually bucketize him—all the same the heat is on him and that is nice. It is not on Eiger so long as Leclerc does not squeal like a—

We do not discuss the squealings of pigs in that way anymore they are family now.

(The ones that are left.)

The heat is somewhat also on Jack Price the international criminal although not very much on actual me right now because Agent Hannah is drowning under legal challenges to her irresponsible and defamatory treatment of the artist Banjo Telemark. Banjo does not take kindly to being pushed around by the running dog lackeys of capitalism and unfreedom and he has unleashed upon her the firm of Jaeger Globus & Driskoll of Geneva. Why them well because obviously we murdered the only lawyer we knew in this town and plus also Banjo Telemark needs lawyers not in any way associated with this whole thing so far. In any case I have in my life been exposed to some vindictive motherfuckers but I had not until I spoke to Ms. Jacinta Globus encountered anyone so necrotizingly joyous at the idea of fucking up a federal agency. It seems to me that Ms. Globus takes an unholy pleasure in such work and what is weird about that is that she is herself as far as anyone can tell—and when I say anyone I mean me and Charlie and Mr. Friday’s nephew in Hafnarfjörður who does odd information security jobs for him between fishing trips—she is totally without criminal history or activity of her own. It is just a thing with her but fuck me she is good at it and she has the knowing of every nook and cranny of habeus gofuckyourself.

For the next few days while all that is sorted out Agent Hannah can look at my corpus delicti but she can’t touch any of this yes I do know that is not what that means.

Corpus delicti.

Cannot—in fact—touch this.

Tra la la tra.

Cannot touch—any—of my corpus delicti—with her federal agent lovebutton—or any other damn thing she brings to the yard—YES I have changed songs sue me O RIGHT YOU CANNOT because I have a Jacinta in my pocket and she is not