No Going Back by Casey Kelleher (bill gates books recommendations TXT) 📕

The Griffin Estate had been bad enough before her attack. Slumming it with Ashley in this hovel they’d called home for the past few months, had only ever been meant to be temporary. Though how long temporary was, Shelby would never know.

Hearing a noise behind her, she jumped, turning abruptly with fright then feeling stupid as she recognised the sound to be a little old lady pulling her shopping trolley behind her, the wheels whirring loudly on the concrete. Stepping aside, Shelby let the lady pass, closing her eyes briefly for a second as she tried to steady her beating heart.

Was this how it was going to be from now on? Was every little sound, every strange noise going to startle her and make her fear that someone was going to hurt her? It didn’t help that she didn’t have Riley right now either. She knew that. She was completely and utterly lost without her newborn son, desolate and bereft. Part of her felt so numb and disconnected that the fact that he’d been snatched almost didn’t feel real. It was like a bad dream that she just couldn’t seem to wake up from. As if she was outside of her body, floating aimlessly, trying to find her way again. But she knew that until she had her boy back, she’d remain lost completely.

Pulling the door to the first tower block open, Shelby took the stairs, turning her nose up at the acrid smell of piss. The graffiti splashed all up the walls, the rubbish at her feet. Reaching her floor, she turned towards the flat and stopped. Unable to move, her feet planted to the ground as she stared at her front door, surprised to see the place in complete darkness. Ashley wasn’t here.

She felt the rage inside her start to surge then as she wrapped her hand tightly around the door key in her jeans pocket, the tip of the metal pressing into her flesh.

What was she thinking? That Ashley would comfort her, that he’d alleviate some of the agony that she was in? Why? Just because he was Riley’s parent too. Because he’d understand how she felt. What a joke!

Ashley wasn’t even home. That’s how much he cared. Because if he did, he’d be sitting by the phone just as she had been. Praying for a call to tell her that Riley was all right. That they’d found him, and he was coming home.

She shouldn’t have come here, she realised, crying now.

She shouldn’t have given in to the moment of weakness that had swept over her when she’d talked herself in to coming to see him. Because Ashley was her closest link to Riley, and for some stupid reason she’d thought that seeing him would make her feel better. When the reality was that this was all his fault. All of this had been because of him.

Staring at the front door with contempt, she knew now that she couldn’t go back inside the flat that had once been home. Not even for a second. She was done. Done with Ashley and done with this estate for good. Because when she got Riley back – and she would get him back – this wasn’t the place where she wanted to bring her child up. And maybe Ashley wasn’t the person she wanted to raise her son with any more either.

Wiping her tears, resolute then, Shelby turned to leave. And as she did, she caught the tiniest movement from Imelda’s front window. The slight twitch of a curtain. As if someone was behind there, watching her. Remembering how shaken Ashley had said her friend had been about Shelby’s ordeal, how worried she’d sounded, and the fact that she’d been in hospital too, Shelby decided to knock on her door. She could do with seeing a friendly face right now.

Standing back, she waited, eyeing the shadow that danced across the strip of light at the bottom of the door, hearing the sound of numerous locks being dragged from their bolts. Finally, the door opened.

‘Shelby?’ Imelda said, her eyes wide with shock at seeing her friend standing there. ‘My god, Shelby? Are you okay? I heard what happened. And about your baby being taken. I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect to see you… I thought you’d still be in the hospital.’

‘Riley. I called him Riley,’ Shelby said, her voice suddenly full of emotion once more, unable to bring herself to talk about her son. She shook her head. What was she doing? She shouldn’t have knocked. She shouldn’t have come here.

‘I’m sorry. It’s late, isn’t it? I just had to get out of the house. My parents are driving me insane. I just needed some air and to clear my head for a bit.’ Shelby tried to explain, noticing how Imelda didn’t move from the doorway, huddled inside, the door only slightly ajar as she stared out past Shelby. Her eyes were scanning the balcony, as if to check that there was no one lurking about out there. Shelby could see that she was scared, and she could understand why. Because they hadn’t caught him yet. Her attacker was still out there.

‘Ashley told me that you were worried about me. He said you seemed pretty shaken up by what happened to me,’ Shelby said, putting the fact that Imelda’s front door had more locks on it than Fort Knox and why she seemed so on edge down to that. She could tell by the panicked look on Imelda’s face that the attack that had been carried out here had really got to her too. ‘Apparently, the estate’s been like a circus the past few days with all the journalists hanging about.’ Seeing Imelda still hovering behind her half-closed front door, she forgot her own fears for a few seconds as she tried to reassure her friend. ‘He’d be stupid to do it again when there’s so much media attention on him. I don’t think