Meet Me in Hawaii by Georgia Toffolo (novels for beginners txt) 📕

be a very good friend if I didn’t try and make you see what you could be giving up. Why not just give it a go, see where it takes you? Where he takes you?’

Malie looked at her friend. ‘I can’t. You know me, I’ve never over-thought getting it on with a guy before – they’re either hot or not, and if they’re hot, I’m straight in there! But with him, it’s different, it’s insane, Zo. It’s like every bit of me goes into overdrive, I want to kiss him so much that I don’t dare.’

‘You know this sounds ridiculous.’

‘It’s not ridiculous, because I don’t think I could ever get enough of him, that’s the problem. I know that if I start down that path I won’t ever want to hop off.’

‘Who says you have to hop off?’

‘Life does, it’s never all roses.’

‘No, it’s not, but having someone like that to share it with, to face it all with…’ Zoe sounded wistful now. ‘It’s worth the risk.’

‘I’m not worth the risk.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I’m not destined to fall head over heels, to survive a whirlwind romance and get a Happy Ever After.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I don’t deserve it.’

‘Why?’

‘Zoe! Are you trying to sound like a toddler?’ She could feel the emotion welling up inside, could feel it bursting to get out. The pain of loss, the guilty ache, the reasons she denied herself love and was denied it.

‘No, you just need to make some sense.’

‘I can’t be in love, he can’t be in love with me, because I can’t have that kind of happiness.’

‘And still I have to ask why?’

‘Because it terrifies me. Because Koa never got any of it. Because who’s to know what’s around the corner. Aren’t they reasons enough?’ There, it was out, and the wedge in her throat swelled, choking at her, the pain of losing her brother, the pain of life after.

‘But Malie, you spend your days helping others live life to the full, doing everything you can to make up for the rubbish hand they’ve been dealt – me included – don’t you think you should allow yourself the same?’

She shook her head and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. Tried to breathe.

‘Come on, Devil, don’t you think you should be living your life to the full and going after what your heart wants.’

She couldn’t answer.

‘I won’t tell you what to do, I can’t, but right now you’re treating him badly and he doesn’t deserve that.’

Malie’s eyes shot to hers.

‘Don’t look at me like that, you are,’ Zoe insisted, though her eyes were soft with sympathy. ‘That’s not the Malie we all know and love. You swing between ignoring him, being standoffish and downright rude.’

‘I am n—’

‘You know you are,’ Zoe challenged. ‘You almost floored him rushing off to get the beach chair, treating him like he had some nasty disease and unable to get yourself away from him quick enough. It’s just not nice… and it’s not you.’

‘It’s impossible to act normal around him when my heart feels like it’s going to explode in my chest, and I have a million different thoughts racing through my brain.’

‘As well as the aching lady bits, hey?’

Malie choked on a strained laugh. ‘That phrase sounds so wrong coming from you.’

‘Be that as it may, my point still holds.’

‘I know and yes, yes to it all!’

‘You should just follow your gut.’

‘If I followed my gut, you wouldn’t have surfed today, and I’d have had him naked by now.’

‘Not with Kalani, Tara and me as spectators, I hope.’

Another laugh.

‘OK, so all joking aside,’ Zoe said after a while, ‘if you’re not going to see where this connection between you goes, tell him the truth, tell him why you can’t, at least let him understand it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you.

‘You mean the whole, it’s not you, it’s me,’ Malie laughed into her drink, chucking back a gulp. ‘A bit clichéd, wouldn’t you say.’

‘Frankly, you are being all cliché.’

‘Cheers… Anyway, it doesn’t matter, I’ve already told him.’

‘What?’ Zoe’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘You’ve told him about Koa, you’ve told him about your ridiculous sense of guilt, your avoidance of anything that might cause you future pain. The whole shebang?’

‘Practically yes, and he agreed, Zo.’

She stared at her incredulous. ‘He agreed?’

‘Yes! He doesn’t want to take a chance on love either, his mother died when he was born and left his father crushed. He’s seen what happens when you love someone and you lose them, and he has no interest in going there.’

‘Absolute… absolute… gah! Something I’m not going to say out loud but let’s go with nonsense. You’re still making excuses.’

Malie shook her head. ‘It’s not nonsense to want to protect yourself from future pain.’

‘That wasn’t what I meant. I get why you both feel that way, what’s nonsense is the fact you think he doesn’t want to take that risk, the way he was looking at you…’ her friend smiled over the memory and took a long swig of her drink, ‘that man had a love emoji smack bang on his forehead.’

Malie laughed in spite of herself, Zoe’s imagery working some magic.

‘I’m serious, though, Devil, you need to stop living constrained by the past. Younger Malie would have taken this chance – to hell with the consequences.’

‘Yeah, well, younger Malie learned her lesson the hard way.’

‘I think it’s time for a new lesson… before you lose this chance at happiness, real happiness.’

‘I am happy,’ Malie insisted, far too strongly.

‘Really?’

She was happy. Wasn’t she?

She thought about the surf school, the kids she’d helped over the years, Kalani, Nalu, her home here, and smiled. Then she thought of home-home, of the Cove, her parents, of the part of her life she longed to have back and avoided at all costs now.

She felt Zoe’s hand cover her own on the table. ‘Hey, I’m sorry, I just think… I think you should talk to him. At least be honest about how you feel towards him and