Love Croakies by Sam Cheever (the kiss of deception read online .txt) 📕

was slick with sweat. I lifted my gaze, finally able to see my nearly lethal admirers.

The pink mass I assumed was Maxine, gave me a smile that spread across most of her face and waggled sausage-like fingers at me. Her round eyes flared slightly as I looked at her. “Sorry,” she said again. “I was just trying to pet your hair. Such pretty hair.”

She reached the dinner-plate-sized hand toward my head and I flinched back, holding up a hand. “No. I’m good. Thanks.” My response made no sense. I knew that. But I needed to keep the enormous creature from touching me again. She clearly had no idea of her strength.

Rick, as expected, was the neon green wall. I’d say he looked a lot like Hreck of human movie fame, except he didn’t have the horn-shaped ears and his face was more angular, with high, sharp cheeks and a broad chin. The bright green color of his eyes was a few shades darker than his vivid skin but not as bright as the sprite’s iridescent green gaze.

Rick had a wisp of a white beard that ran from just under his wide lips to below his cleft chin and an abundance of white hair that covered his broad head. The rest of his enormous form appeared to be completely hairless. Believe me, I would know, since all he was wearing was a pair of brown shorts that tied at his waist and covered his bulging thighs to just above wide knees.

Maxine had a dense wave of golden hair on her head. The thick mane flowed to her slanted shoulders and flipped up at the ends. Her eyes were a deep purple and, unlike Rick, she had a thick forest of golden hair along her forearms and from her knees down. Her massive belly was bare and sans hair. The strategic spots in her fleshy body were covered by a short, turquoise top and a matching pair of what could only be called boy shorts that clung to her dense, muscular thighs.

Just on color spectrum alone, the female of the ogre species was a visual delight.

“How can we help the Office of the KoA today,” Rick yelled with a small bow in my direction.

I wanted to shake my head and tell him there was really no office. It was actually more of a loosely formed collection of ineptitude and chaos that I stumbled through on a daily basis trying to pretend I knew what I was doing. Given that reality, the awed reverence on his broad face felt wrong.

“We thought you might know of an artifact that has the ability to break down high-level wards,” Sebille told him.

Rick and Maxine shared a look. Frown lines marred Maxine’s high forehead, and she nodded. “We might.”

As a stubborn silence followed, I decided I’d capitalize on their obvious devotion to my title. “The Office of Keeper would greatly appreciate your help. This is a matter of great importance.”

The ogres shared another look. Something non-verbal passed between them. Maxine gave Rick a tiny nod.

He motioned for us to follow and turned away, plodding heavily toward an area in the distance where columns of sharp and broken rock jutted toward the sky. The sprite and I fell in behind him. Maxine took up the rear as if expecting trouble.

The ground beneath our feet seemed to shake with every footfall the ogres made. Small animals scurried away, alarm evident in their bulgy gazes and spiked fur. The lush trees and thick green grass of the spot where they’d met us slipped away as if the world was a kaleidoscope and the verdant frame was giving way to the rock-hewn one.

In place of the grass, rocks of all shapes and sizes, most a monotone of gray or brown in dusty tones, covered the ground. Instead of trees, stalagmites of rock jutted from the ground, some the width of a medium-sized tree and some too large for me to wrap my arms around.

Cracked and broken arches of stone stood between the fractured columns, their bases thick with chunks of stone and heavy with dust.

It was a harsh landscape, reminiscent of a cave without the covering. I picked my way carefully over the rough terrain, noting that, despite their great size and awkward forms, the two ogres moved through the space with a catlike grace. They’d clearly spent a lot of time in the rocky environment.

Rick moved through a particularly large archway and his form narrowed, the air around him shimmering slightly as it folded over him until he was gone.

Sebille and I skidded to a halt, tiny pebbles skittering away from our feet as we froze in place.

The low rumble that was so like rocks sliding down a mountain had us whipping around. To my shock, Maxine was laughing. She winked at us. “All is not what it seems, small ones.” She extended a hand toward the archway. “Please, continue.”

I looked at Sebille.

She frowned, then finally nodded.

Reaching out, I grasped her wrist so we wouldn’t be separated, and, taking a deep breath, we stepped into what was obviously a portal of some kind. The air beneath the archway was warm and wobbly. It jiggled animatedly against my skin, nonthreatening but too weird to give comfort.

The sensation didn’t press against us so much as around us, like a vat of warm gelatin. We stepped out of the archway to a gentle tug of resistance and a soft burp of air, jerking to a stop at the sight before us. Unfortunately, we forgot there was an ogre coming through behind us. Maxine didn’t even have time to slow before her enormous frame slammed into us from behind.

And Sebille and I were flung forward, into the hairless naked form of a gigantic ogre, who was sprawled across an enormous golden throne.

4

Naida Elf on a Fleshy Shelf

“Gack! Ag!” I shoved desperately at the pale, naked thigh beneath my hands and kicked my feet, trying to extricate myself from the ogre’s au naturel