Deep Water by Mark Ayre (best big ereader TXT) 📕

Abbie forced herself to turn to face Alice.

"Not yet dropped that bone, then?"

Alice smiled. "There's something else blocking you, isn't there? Something making you think you can't start a family. Or telling you that you can’t.”

On this, Abbie decided not to comment. Turning away, she faced the bar. Rows and rows of spirits. They seemed to call to her. Almost any of them would do.

"Take a drink," said Alice, apparently sensing Abbie's desire. "I'll never tell."

Abbie shook her head. “Can’t.”

“Because you don't drink on the job?”

"Right," said Abbie.

Forcing herself away from the bar, Abbie reclaimed her seat from the previous day when she'd first got to know Alice. Part of her wanted to leave. Even if she'd been sure she wanted to go, she'd have stayed put. It would be rude to walk out.

"Of course, you're not as bullish about this lonely path as you might make out," continued Alice.

"No?" said Alice.

"I don't think so. What about your prior engagement?"

Abbie sighed. "You're really not going to let this go, are you?"

"No. It was a date, wasn't it?"

"Does it matter? I cancelled."

"Because you had to come here. Not because you thought it was a mistake."

"It was a mistake."

"Stuck here, staring at my ugly mug when you should be across from Mr Handsome, wondering if you'll be getting lucky tonight, I can imagine you'd want to believe it was a mistake."

Abbie hugged herself again as Bobby crept back into her mind. That damn smile. She wondered if he’d text and was glad she'd left her phone in the guest room—no temptation to check.

"It was a mistake," said Abbie. "This guy, I met him three weeks ago, and we've texted every day since. I got lost in the conversations, which felt amazing. Still, I held off arranging a second meeting, and held off, and held off, until at last, in a moment of weakness or madness or whatever, I said, Okay. Let's do it. We got it booked in, and then, of course, I get sent to save you on the weekend we're due to meet, and isn't that the perfect sign? Some piss-taking diety letting me know I was a moron to consider trying to add a slice of normality to my life."

"Not a moron," disagreed Alice. "Agreeing to the date wasn't a moment of weakness but a moment of strength. It was you realising you can't go on the way you are. Accepting it's possible to add a romantic attachment to your current existence."

"Except it isn't."

"Except it isn't," said Alice, and the agreement left Abbie speechless. Alice put a hand on her arm. "Can I get you another coffee?"

"That would be lovely." Abbie had to force out the words.

Alice left Abbie at the table with Bobby rattling around her mind, trying to drive her insane. When the coffees came, Abbie thanked Alice, grabbed hers and took a sip, knowing it would be too hot. A burnt lip was a small price to pay for scattering the Bobby thoughts from her mind.

Alice watched Abbie burn herself and replace the cup, then said, "Tony told me what happened yesterday on the beach. The men Angel sent."

Abbie felt a flash of annoyance towards Tony. He should have told her he was going to let his mum in on their minor altercation. Abbie could get into that with him later. With Alice, she let it go.

"So your plan is to bounce around different topics until one of your points makes me realise I'm living my life the wrong way?"

"You already know you're living your life the wrong way," said Alice. “I’m trying to persuade you it’s okay to make a change."

"If you say so."

"I had assumed you were working alone, trying to save me," said Alice, "but sounds as though you’ve got a crack team backing you up, vanishing bodies and the like. Must come in handy."

"Now and again," Abbie admitted.

"I'm assuming they don’t just provide on-site support either? You can't have an ordinary job. Even the most lenient of employers would soon lose patience with a staff member who repeatedly had to take off a couple of days with zero notice."

“They’re unreasonable people, these employers," Abbie agreed.

"So this team that supports you does so financially, as well as practically?”

It was obvious, which made denial pointless.

"So far as the Government’s concerned, I'm a freelance company growth and lead generation consultant with a small number of clients. My hourly rate is exorbitant but not unusual for a consultant of the calibre I purport to be."

“These clients are fake companies, I assume?"

“I think the term is shell corporation."

“I see. Shell corporations created by a single organisation, all so you can carry on saving lives, unburdened by bills or a mortgage."

“Possibly,” said Abbie. “They might support others like me, but in essence, yes: they pay me to save lives."

"Except," said Alice, "that's not all they want for their money, is it?"

Abbie drank a little more coffee. Said nothing.

"They also want you single, childless, alone. Presumably, they believe you're at your most efficient that way."

Still, Abbie said nothing. She tried to collect her drink but found her hands were shaking. Closing her eyes, she begged the tears not to come.

I know life is hard, Abbie. You wish there was more for you, and I do too, but you’ve been chosen for greatness. You can’t turn your back on that. You can’t have a family but think of all the families that remain whole and will remain whole because of what you do. Surely that’s worth your sacrifice?

Can't. You can't have a family. Ben had delivered the speech early in her training. On numerous occasions since, he had acted fast to crush signs of romance or attachment in Abbie’s life. Because he knew what was best for her. Knew she would never be as effective at saving lives if she was worried about a family back home. Before long, Ben would ask her to end things with Bobby. It was better she realised there was no future before he realised it for her.

Before she