Amber by Heather Burnside (fb2 epub reader .txt) 📕

from him since he’d left home, and any attempts Loretta had made to contact him had all been ignored. But Loretta was his mother too and she was in a bad way so it was only right that he should know.

*

February 2016

Nathan awoke to the sound of his mobile ringing. He glanced at the alarm clock: 6.08 a.m. What the fuck? Who could be ringing at this time? He reached over for his phone, which he always kept on the bedside cabinet. When he picked it up and saw his sister’s name lit up on the screen, he was tempted to press the call-reject button. But curiosity made him answer it.

‘Yes, what is it?’

‘It’s Mum, Nathan. She’s in a really bad way.’

‘Jesus! Don’t tell me she’s pissed again. Surprise, surprise! Why don’t you just let her sleep it off like she…’

‘No!’ his sister cut in. ‘She’s not drunk. She’s really ill.’ Then he heard his sister’s voice break as though she was upset. ‘I think she’s got pneumonia or summat.’

‘Well get her to the bloody doctors’ when they open then instead of ringing me at this hour.’

‘I think she’s on her way out, Nathan.’

‘Look, don’t think you can get to me with your emotional blackmail. I told you when I left home that I’d washed my hands of the pair of you. Now I suggest you take the hint and stop bloody ringing me; you and her!’

He cut the call before his sister had a chance to say anything further and put his phone back down. Then he pulled the duvet around his shoulders, hoping to get back to sleep. But as he grabbed hold of the bedcover, he felt Chloe stir next to him. Bugger! His silly cow of a sister had woken her up too.

‘What’s the matter?’ asked Chloe as she forced her eyes open. ‘Who was that on the phone?’

‘Nobody,’ he said, giving her a reassuring peck on the forehead. ‘Nothing for you to worry about, babe. Go back to sleep.’

*

February 2016

Amber was annoyed with Nathan. How could he just ignore what she had to say, knowing how bad the situation was? She could understand him having some ill feeling. Fair enough, their mother hadn’t been a perfect parent. But, at the end of the day, she was still their mother and had tried to provide for them in the only way she knew.

Perhaps he couldn’t accept the gravity of the situation, Amber thought. Maybe he thought it was just a ploy to get him to speak to them. She tried to put him out of her mind. She needed to get back to her mother. In a couple of hours when the doctors’ surgery was open, she would give them a ring. Hopefully, once they had a diagnosis, Nathan would take things more seriously.

Amber went back into the living room and tiptoed up to the sofa, not wishing to wake her mother up. She knelt on the floor once more, keeping watch. But then she noticed something. Her mother’s hand wasn’t holding the cold compress anymore; it was lolling to one side of her head as though she had lost control of it and the compress was on the floor. Then Amber saw that her chest was no longer rising and falling either. ‘Shit. No!’

Feeling panicky, Amber took hold of her mother’s wrist and felt for a pulse. She couldn’t feel anything, so she moved her fingers about, desperately hoping to find a steady rhythmic beat. But there was nothing.

‘No!’ yelled Amber, breaking down and sobbing. ‘Oh God, no!’

She stayed there for some time, weeping, her head nestled against her mother’s breast. Then she came to. She had to do something. She couldn’t just leave her mother lying there! Amber took out her phone once more and dialled 999.

While she waited for the ambulance she stayed with her mother, crying bitter tears. She thought about her mother’s dying words, especially when she had told her she was always the special one. As she played those words over in her head, the irony of the situation struck her like a painful jab.

For most of her life she had sought her mother’s approval and had always felt that she fell short compared to Nathan. Now, at last, she had finally told her she was special. But she had had to wait until her mother was dying before she heard it.

She felt a strange torrent of emotions:

Sadness. Because she was her mother. They had shared their lives together and, if Amber tried hard, she could conjure up a few brief happy memories with her.

Relief. Because she didn’t have the burden of her anymore, that overriding sense of responsibility that had made her look out for her mother even when she didn’t deserve it.

Guilt. For feeling relieved.

And worry. Because she now felt all alone in a world that was frightening.

57

February 2016

It was three days since Loretta had passed away. The police and ambulance people had all been round to the house on the morning of Loretta’s death. Amber’s mind had been in a whirl, having to answer all their questions when the shock of her mother’s death still hadn’t fully registered.

Finally, a doctor had been summoned to pronounce Loretta dead. Amber had then rung an undertaker who had been recommended by Mrs Griffiths from over the road, and they had eventually arrived to take the body away.

Amber spent most of that day sleeping and sobbing intermittently. The following day had followed a similar pattern but on the third day she decided to start putting matters in order. She began by visiting the undertaker and was overwhelmed by all that was involved. She had rung Nathan to try to garner some support but all he had said was that he would see if he could get a day off for the funeral and then he’d asked her to let him know as soon as she had a date.

There was so much to do: a visit to the