Marianne by Elizabeth Hammer (best books to read in life TXT) 📕

“We’ll see.”

“It was a tough situation,” said Marianne. “And the things you said, you were shocked and hurt. She should have confided in you at the beginning. And she should have let you help her afterwards.”

“Don’t...” he said. “What was she supposed to do? Put her whole life into the hands of her dumbass boyfriend? Keep telling me about feelings I refused to understand? She was scared and sad, and she couldn’t trust me.”

Marianne didn’t feel it was exactly her place to argue, but she couldn’t help it. “She didn’t even try to trust you in the beginning. She didn’t give you a chance.”

Patrick shook his head.

“It was totally your business, and she kept it from you,” said Marianne. “No matter what kind of dumbass you were back then, that was still wrong.”

“My jackass behavior got her into that situation in the first place. Hiding it was never the problem, Marianne, it was just the reaction. Her reaction to me.”

Marianne kept her mouth clamped shut. He was dead wrong. Brook should have let him in earlier. She should have been open.

Patrick was still staring across the room. “She used to keep her stuff really neat all the time. Vacuumed every day, sorted her make-up in all these stupid compartments. She was always harping about how filthy my car was. But she was sweet and open and bubbly, never annoying about it. Fun.” He drummed his fingers on his knee for a few seconds. “But then everything got super intense. I thought she was just—I don’t know what I thought. I don’t know if you’ve ever known someone like her—everything was out in the open, for anyone who cared to look. Which I didn’t. But, uh... Then I woke up one night and found her in the kitchen. She was folding the trash.”

Marianne just lifted her eyebrows.

He looked at the floor as if it was confusing him. “The wrappers, the cereal boxes, the bag from the frozen green beans. She was just taking them out of the trash can, folding them up like laundry, and putting them back in.”

“Patrick—”

“She was suffering, and I couldn’t do anything about it.” He looked at her. “And, Marianne, now that I think about it... I’d rather not do that to you.”

Marianne didn’t know what to say.

He just stared at her.

“Don’t be afraid,” she whispered.

Patrick nodded, but it wasn’t in agreement. “Marianne, you’re so delicate. I was going to keep you safe—”

“No,” she said, but then looked down immediately. She hadn’t meant to interrupt; she just hated that worried tone in his voice. “That’s not your job. I know that you’ve been feeling insecure because I don’t always share my... I’m sure you’ve felt insecure. I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t trust you.”

“No, Marianne,” said Patrick. “That’s not the point of all this.”

“I guess not.” Marianne looked at him again. “But it brings it up. You shouldn’t ever feel—It’s just that I was being selfish before. I was scared. When you were gone, I realized what I really want. I just want to make you happy.” She smiled and lifted one shoulder.

Patrick looked like he was in pain again. “You already make me happy.”

“No, I make you afraid. I didn’t do the things I should have to show you that I trust you.” She nodded. “When I called you earlier... If it came from someone else, I know it wouldn’t mean that much,” she looked down and lowered her voice, “but it was a lot for me.”

“I know,” he said. “And it didn’t go unnoticed. Before my little freakout, let’s call it, tonight was the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Marianne looked up at him. “What?”

He just nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

She grabbed his fingers.

He squeezed her hand, but it was a wimpy effort.

“Don’t be a jerk now,” she whispered.

He looked offended. “Marianne, we’ve been over this. I’m never a jerk.”

“Oh, that’s right. Sorry.” She tilted her head to the side. “But let me tell you something, anyway. You said that Brook was open and bubbly, not like me, right?”

He looked scared to answer.

She laughed. “It’s okay,” she said. “I know what I am. And I need your answer to make my point.”

He smiled and touched her face. “Not like you.” He ran his fingers along her jaw. “What she felt was out in the open. I have to use a pickax to get at your thoughts.”

“And that freaks you out,” she said.

“Yes,” he whispered. “You’re so much more vulnerable, so untouchable.” He brushed her mouth with his fingertips. “You’re not like Brook. You were born ready to be broken.”

Marianne closed her eyes. He knew everything.

“You don’t like to hear that.”

Marianne opened her eyes and smiled sideways at him. “I guess you don’t know everything, after all.”

“Rude.”

Marianne winked at him and cleared her throat. “Okay, back to my point. Just because I’m not very demonstrative about it—demonstrative? Is that a word?”

“It is.”

“Sweet. So just because I’m not very demonstrative about it, doesn’t mean that I don’t see how much you’re worth. I’ve never said I love you to a guy before. If you could see inside my head, you wouldn’t be afraid anymore.”

Patrick squinted at her. “Is that so?”

“Yes. It is so.”

He smiled a little. “How come I believe you?”

“Cause I’m a really good liar.”

21

Blue Screen of Death

“You expect me to believe that?!”

That’s what Dad had cried the next morning after Marianne came home. He’d seen Patrick’s truck on the street and freaked. She’d told him that Patrick came home in the middle of the night—which was true—and that nothing had happened—which was not true. Oh, well. Two days had gone by, and he was over it now. Mom, however, was still hysterical. She’d followed Marianne around all weekend with a book called Changing Bodies, Changing Lives.

Marianne was stoked when Monday came so she could breathe the free air again. The embarrassing sex book aside, it sucked to be around them after she’d lied flat out like that. It was a creepy feeling,