Mary Jane by Jessica Blau (best motivational books .txt) 📕

I think we did it right those couple of months, don’t you? Great food, great music, and great fun. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that fun isn’t important because, damn, Mary Jane, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my strange life, it’s that fun counts.

I’m sending you love from afar, doll—tons of it from me and from Jimmy, too, of course.

Sheba

PS Can’t believe I forgot! 1. I left my nightgown, your new clothes, and your records hidden in the closet of the room Jimmy and I used. I hope you can sneak them all into your house somehow. 2. Richard and Bonnie separated. Poor little Izzy. Sweet thing. But, really, some marriages just aren’t worth fighting for. xoxo!

I picked up the cassette and flipped it around to see if anything was written on the other side. My father had a cassetteplayer in his office, though I had no idea why or what he ever did with it. I’d have to wait until he went to work tomorrowto sneak in there and use it.

I placed the cassette back into the box and read Sheba’s letter for the third time. Just as I was finishing, I heard my parentsenter the house. The stairs were carpeted, but I could hear my mother pattering toward me. Sure enough, in a minute therewas a knock on the door.

“How are you, dear?”

“I’m okay.” I reached behind me and flushed the toilet.

“I’ll get the Pepto-Bismol.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Did you take your temperature?”

“Yeah. It’s normal.”

There was silence for a moment as my mother thought this through. “Must be something you ate.”

I stared at the cassette and letter. I could sense my mother breathing on the other side of the door.

“Did you have something after breakfast?”

“Nope.”

“Don’t say nope.”

“No.”

“You didn’t eat anything at church?”

I thought for a second. I had become such an accomplished liar over the summer that it was easy to say, “Yes. There were cookiesin the robe room.”

“Who brought them in?”

“No idea. Chocolate chip. They were really soft.”

“Hm. Underbaked, I suppose.”

“Yup.”

“Don’t say yup.”

“Yes.” My eyes were on the cassette. On Jimmy’s writing. My name. I flushed the toilet again, and then folded up the letterand placed it back in the box with the cassette. While the toilet was still running, I hid the box in the back of the bottomdrawer of the vanity, beneath a plastic container of pink sponge curlers. Then I turned on the water and washed my hands.I didn’t leave until I’d heard the gentle sh-sh-sh of my mother descending the stairs.

The next morning, after my father had left for work and while my mother was in the shower, I snuck down the hall to my dad’soffice. Behind the massive desk were built-in cupboards, and in one of the cupboards was a tape recorder.

I opened the cupboard and glanced around. I didn’t want to move anything unless I absolutely had to. I stuck my arm in andwiggled past two stacks of documents. My fingers tapped something hard and plastic.

Carefully, I removed one stack of documents and set it on the floor. Then I removed the tape recorder and placed it on myfather’s desk.

I stuck my head out the office door to make sure my mother was still in the shower, and then returned to the cassette player and hit stop/eject. The clear panel popped open and I shoved in the cassette with a satisfying plastic click. I pushed the door shut (another gratifying click) and hit play.

Jimmy’s voice filled the room, so clear it sounded like he was standing beside me. “Mary Jane! What the hell, girlie, you are missed! Here’s the title track of my new album. I sure as fuck hope you like it.” I nodded my head, smiling, as if Jimmy could see me.

I leaned closer to the tape recorder and heard some background fuzziness followed by silence. And then the song began witha simple drumbeat that had a wooden tick-tick-tick sound to it. Next a bass guitar came in, strumming a two-four beat. There was anticipation in the music; I could hear it wasbuilding to something. Just when I couldn’t take the tension of waiting, Jimmy’s raspy, throaty voice started in. “Mary Jane!” My body jolted at the sound of my name. My skin felt inflamed. I wanted to pat myself all over, like tamping out a fire onmy flesh. As the song continued I was no longer in my father’s office, standing beside the cassette player. I was in the Cones’kitchen. The smell of birds in a nest on the stove. Izzy’s hair glinting in the sunshine that bolted through the window. AndJimmy beside her, his furry chest exposed, playing guitar and singing in the grumble of a low-riding motorcycle.

“Mary Jane!” Jimmy sang. My head buzzed with tiny explosions as I imagined a version of myself that matched Jimmy’s throaty words. . . .“She feeds you, but she ain’t never gonna bleed you. . . .” Soon, the buzzing calmed and it felt like a glowing white light flowed straight out of the tape recorder and into my veins. I was filled by it. Floating. This song, Jimmy’s song, was about the me I had become at the Cones’. It wasn’t anyone my parents would recognize. It might not have been anyone they wanted me to be.But maybe, I hoped, I really was that person now. The girl Jimmy saw when he sang . . . “She don’t smoke, no—everything went silent for a beat and then—“MARY JANE! A voice sweet as honey, SUCKLE, honey, DROPS, honey, DARLING, honey, BABY, sweet, MARY JANE!”

As the final verse rolled in, the music fell back to just the clicking drums and Jimmy, who grumbled, “Mary Jane, Mary Jane . . . listen up now, y’all, ’cause I’m talking ’bout Mary Jane.” The music stopped and then Jimmy said, “Bawlmore. That’s how they say it down there. Bawlmore.”

I looked at my arms to see if the goose bumps I felt were visible (they weren’t). I put my hand on my heart. It was