Perfect on Paper by Gillian Harvey (top 20 books to read txt) 📕

and the minute he’s in bed he’s fast asleep. It’s not that he doesn’t find me attractive, I don’t think. It’s worse. He doesn’t seem to find me interesting. And the kids have their own things going on. I’m basically just a skivvy who rushes around and tidies up after everyone.’ Having to let the cleaner go after Toby’s last self-indulgent spend had been the icing on the cake.

‘OK,’ Clare’s sister spoke slowly as if trying to rationalise with a mad person. ‘But I don’t get it – remind me how this relates to sprinkles on a cappuccino again?’

‘It doesn’t. It’s just, well, it would be nice if for once someone noticed I was alive. You know. Even the barista at the coffee house couldn’t be bothered to shake a bit of chocolate on my coffee. Until he practically threw the whole lot at me, that is.’

‘Oh Clare!’

‘And I just secured this really lucrative retainer with some sort of property mogul, but all Nigel can do is spend his time sucking up to Will.’

‘Will?’

‘Yeah, you know. That kid at work who Nigel seems to worship.’

‘Ok …’ There was a pause while Steph shushed Wilbur who had begun to grizzle. ‘I have to say, I still don’t get it.’

‘You don’t?’

‘Yeah … I mean, I get that you’re feeling a bit flat, a bit “meh”; I get that life isn’t exactly a laugh a minute at the moment. But I think you’re overrating the whole idea of being noticed. All I do is get noticed since Wilbur was born. I don’t get a moment to myself. John’s talking about trying for another one already and I just feel like a human milking machine.’

‘Oh, Steph.’

‘And the idea of being able to go somewhere and just be … well ignored for half an hour sounds absolutely blissful!’

‘I suppose …’ Clare looked at herself in the reflection on her computer screen. Her hair did look good – just one compliment wouldn’t have hurt, would it?

‘And, you know your car didn’t break down on purpose – that was completely random?’ added Steph.

‘Well, yes, obviously.’ Although to be honest, Clare wouldn’t put it past the old banger. That car had had it in for her for years.

‘And – don’t take this the wrong way – but don’t you think maybe we ought to be beyond all that now?’

‘What?’

‘Beyond needing validation from others. What is it you used to say? We’re strong, independent women – that kind of thing.’

‘Yeah, I did say that.’ And she was strong, really. But just because you’re a feminist, it doesn’t mean you don’t want someone to throw their cloak down over a puddle for you – or whatever the modern equivalent of that is: saying your bum looks toned in your bikini, or logging off Tinder during a date.

#ModernChivalry.

‘So?’

‘But it doesn’t mean I want to feel completely surplus to requirements. Especially when I’m pretty much holding up the firm when I’m at work and holding the family together when I’m at home. It just wouldn’t hurt to hear somebody say thanks, or pay me a bit of attention once in a while.’

‘Try looking at it a different way,’ Steph said, her voice softer now. ‘You’ve just told me that you’ve dyed your hair and it looks great, you’ve bought yourself a couple of new outfits. Your work is going well, and Toby seems to be making a success of things …’

‘Except for his marriage, of course.’

‘Well, yes. But give him a chance. He’s a good bloke … normally. It’s the job, I reckon. Pretty full on.’

‘Yeah, I suppose.’

‘And you know, fringes can be tricky …’ Steph quipped, mischievously.

Clare snorted. ‘True, it must be very challenging for him!’

‘And believe me, most women in your position would be heaving a sigh of relief,’ her sister added.

‘Relief?’

‘Yes, a sex break. Do you know how rare it is to get one of those?’

‘Really?’

‘Seriously, make the most of it. John’s always trying it on, and I feel awful when I reject him. But I just … I’m so tired, you know?’

‘Oh, Steph, I’m sure he understands.’

‘He does, but it still makes me feel shit.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Clare said, as if it was she who was responsible for her brother-in-law’s insatiable sex drive.

‘Honestly, make the most of it,’ her sister continued. ‘It probably won’t last and you can always buy a vibrator, or a new washing machine.’

‘That’s true, maybe one with an ultra-fast spinning cycle,’ Clare joked. ‘Idiot!’

‘Seriously though, things are going really well for you! So what if no one’s noticed? In fact, if you find the formula for invisibility, please can you let me know. I could do with a break from greedy Wilbur at least once in a while.’

Clare remembered those days only too well. The ache of her nipples. Looking pleadingly into the eyes of a child who saw her, it seemed, as a food source first and a human second (if at all).

‘I suppose you’re right. I just feel kind of, “meh”,’ she sighed.

‘I think,’ Steph said, her voice dropping to a mock whisper, ‘we probably have to accept that our thirties are going to be a bit “meh”. In fact, if “meh” means we’re both in relatively happy relationships, raising healthy kids and have pretty good job prospects, then who needs extra drama?’

‘Good point. God, Steph, you always know how to talk me down from a ledge.’

Steph snorted.

‘What?’

‘Sorry, I was just thinking. Well, I’m good at advising others. But not so hot when it comes to figuring out my own life.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh, nothing. You know …’

‘I am here for you, you know,’ Clare said. ‘I’m more than just a solicitor – I’m your sister.’

‘A soli-sister if you will.’

‘Exactly.’

‘Honestly, ignore me. I’m just tired.’

Had she overreacted to everything? Clare thought, as she hung up. Her younger sister’s quiet stoicism made her constant need for reassurance seem ridiculous. Was she just making a fuss about nothing?

But then she thought back to the bus driver, the barista, Nigel, Will; Toby using up all their