Seven Demons by Aidan Truhen (best motivational books for students TXT) 📕

and Rex because construction. Rex is actually in demolition technically but he knows also how things go up. That is where he got his start.

With his brother—now deceased—long story very sad there was shooting not by me. But it was kind of about me, all the same.

Rex puts his finger on the screen.

“These fucking doors,” Rex says.

Doc says, “Amen,” and everyone looks at her because Doc does not do religious language even for effect but yeah she is right. Amen.

In the shop floor model the X8 is electrified and the frame features nozzles for aerosolized drug dispersal and six asymmetrically mounted recessed shotguns, but the brochure is keen to emphasize that clients often like to commission their own modular accessories and the Kircheisen company is real happy to accommodate such requests. Bioweapons are of course illegal and so Kircheisen cannot supply such things and advises against them but will on the other hand make deployment modules to your confidential design and leave you to introduce your ammunition so long as you assure the company that you will not equip any for example not that you would of course pathogens.

No no, no no no.

There is a social contract in all bank robberies since Dillinger and it is very simple: the robber is stealing from the insurance company, not the account holders and not the bank. There is therefore a tacit understanding between robber and cashier that while this is not a normal transaction it is also not really that objectionable. So long as everyone is calm and professional, there need be no downside.

The X8 is the face of actuarial disapproval at this cozy little alliance and it bears a message for the would-be thief: if you mess with us, the only question for the police when they arrive will be how to get that thin layer of criminal sludge off their shoes.

Every single one of the rooms in Die Festung is secured with an X8.

Except the last, which is something called an X9 and requires Eiger’s personal presence. If he dies or is compromised, some wearable tech on or possibly in his body will send a signal, the entire mountain will lock down until the designated alternate arrives. No one knows who that is or how they are contacted that is Eiger’s personal secret.

This vault man. This is why we came this vault is PERFECT.

A castle.

On a mountain.

Battleship steel.

Water.

Magnets.

Biological weapons.

And hyperviolent armored robot doors.

That is so entirely my jam.

I want to do things to this vault. Things that it will not like except that it absolutely will. They are what it was made for. They are things that it has always dreamed about and feels guilty about and—

“Price for fuck’s sake—”

“Sorry Doc did I—”

“Yes out loud yes.”

“I want to have sex with this vault is what I’m saying.”

“Yes thank you for making the metaphor quite clear.”

“Wait metaphor?”

And then Volodya—this guy—my business partner, my friend—today of all days—he is just not coming from yes.

Volodya says no.

I say: “Kircheisen!”

Volodya says: “Price we should not go to Switzerland.”

“But why not?”

“Is bad idea.”

“The nature of this badness being unclear is what I’m saying.”

“Were you ever at Swiss party on National Day?”

“I don’t even know what that is man.”

“Is what it sounds like.”

“Okay.”

“On National Day one time I am in little place called Grindelwald yes Price like in fucking Harry Potter is real place. And opposite like a hundred meters away is big chalet filled with people from the Swiss postal service. They are nice like what my mother calls Borrow Milk people. So Federal Day round six my place we are drunk and we are bored and we figure to invade Swiss postal service for fun. Is diplomatic mission from before I am in Demons. We go round there, leave ultimatum. We give them until nine then we figure to go over and ravish their gingerbread houses and eat their women. Consensually because we are serious diplomats now. Then we sit on balcony, drink schnapps made from fruit, pee in snow from great height. At eight fifty-nine we are on this balcony still peeing in snow from great height and the Swiss explode the world.”

“They—”

“Here is what these fucking postal clerks have done okay? They have gone down to basement where there is nuclear bunker—”

“There is what?”

“Is Swiss thing. They go to bunker, get alpine camo suits. They sneak up to our house and when they are like five feet away they fire about ten thousand bottle rockets from empty schnapps bottles right at our diplomatic residence. And they are so drunk they completely miss our fucking house and they blow up house next door, which is fucking fortunate because of the peeing in the snow and otherwise I personally would have my dick on fire. When they realize this all these postal workers men and women they are laughing so hard they cannot walk, but also they are very concerned they have maybe exploded neutral third party so they go over there to apologize. Guy comes out and he is local magistrate and so we think: aha now we will get some diplomatic! They explain shit to the magistrate and he looks at us on our balcony and you can see that he totally grasps the situation and he goes inside and he comes out with his own fucking rockets! And now they surround our house with rockets and demand that we surrender our Russian bear asses and let them ravish our gingerbreads all night long.”

“Shiiiit…”

“Yeah Price, nowhere is that how people do. Not Laos not Afghanistan not Mexico. Those places they can do like constant war they can get violent sure but they are not crazy in the Appenzellers. That is unreal. Nowhere in the world is like that except that I know two demographics where that is normal: Switzerland is one.”

“And the other?”

“Is you Price.”

“Me?”

“That whole fucking country is made from you.”

“…”

“…Oh crap, should maybe not have put it that way—”

“…Yeah now we’re definitely going.”

—

We get in the jet and we go.

I