Oh Pure and Radiant Heart by Lydia Millet (shoe dog free ebook .txt) 📕

tarry black road surface melting in the warm sun, the green grass, the mother in her cotton dress lying on a white hammock under broad weeping willows, teasing a foot through the dandelions, watching the children play. And while they laughed under the sky with its wispy white clouds she reached for a tall yellow glass and drank the cool lemonade.

But the memory was not his. Where he grew up there had been no hammock, no grass and no lemonade. The fences had been mesh festooned with razor wire and he had been content with that, wandering in the empty lots, among the piñon and juniper bushes fringing the trailer park outside Albuquerque, the dry arroyos and the pale sunsets over the dereliction. Still he had known no other place, so where did the gardens of weeping willow come from?

Suddenly it seemed to him that his memories were plucked from the air, mere impressions that rested on him.

Of course, he realized, of course. Nothing came from inside: you were born with no soul. The world gave it to you.

He sat up then, bolt upright in bed, instantly convinced. A soul was made of love, and love was made of time.

We are born without souls. The world gives them to us.

It is the world with its animals, its washed-out cold pink sunsets and dry arroyos, its lakes and rivers, rocks and swamps and forests, its moon, tides and seasons, he thought: it is the world that gives us such a soul as we have.

It gives us its life and we call it our own.

—I want to make sure the other guards didn’t hurt him, said Oppenheimer stubbornly, waving a way a cup of water.

—He wasn’t hurt, sir, said the security guard with the water. —I assure you.

—You should have let them call the police, said Szilard. —You could have pressed charges. Now how are we going to get rid of him?

—Who was he? asked Ann impatiently.

—Just some guy, said Szilard. —He was on the plane beside me coming back from Hawaii.

—He was an enlisted man once, said Oppenheimer.

—The Army kicked him out because he’s mental, said Szilard. —He said they called it “excessive religiosity.” The guy prayed all the time. Anyhow when I told him who Oppie was he fixated on him. He thought he was holy.

—I told him I was a Jew, said Oppenheimer to Ann, with a wry smile. —But he said so was Jesus.

—Nut job, said Szilard. —Wacked.

—He was clearly so devout that it interfered with the discharge of his duties, said Oppenheimer, and cocked his head. There was a wistful quality to him, Ann thought, as though he envied the man.

—I had an uncle like that, said the guard, nodding and popping the tab on his Coke. —He got fired for talking too much about Jesus. But he wasn’t in the Army or anything. He worked at a Jiffy Lube.

—I’ll reschedule at the Test Site, said Szilard when they got to the suite. It had a jacuzzi underneath the slanted glass wall facing the skyline. —They’ll fit us in.

—You can use your cell phone in the bathroom, said Larry, —if you want peace and quiet. There’s reception there.

—Annie! said Tamika, coming out of the bathroom as Szilard went in, wearing a rainbow-striped bikini and tanned nut-brown. —You so should have gone with us! It was awesome.

—Leo and I found it disturbing, said Oppenheimer, who sat cross-legged in armchair with an ashtray on his knee. —Larry. Coffee possibly?

—Coming right up, Oppie, said Larry, and picked up the phone.

—Chocolate croissants! called Szilard, sticking his head out the bathroom door and then retracting it.

—We got a tour of this giant clam breeding facility? said Tamika.

—First there was Kwajalein, said Oppenheimer to Ann. —We chartered a small plane and did a flyover. It’s a large military compound with the natives for servants. The soldiers and their families live like kings and the Micronesians who clean their toilets live like beasts of the field. They have practically no medical services.

—The scuba was great though, said Tamika. —We have to be positive, right? Do you want to come to the pool with me, Annie? You can borrow a suit if you didn’t bring one.

—Thank you, maybe later though.

With Tamika on her way out Oppenheimer said in a low voice to Ann, —The relentless positivity. It’s exhausting, frankly.

—Lar? I’m gonna pick up the girls in their room and go for a dip, OK?

—And I did the best wreck diving of my life, said Larry, hanging up on room service. —I took pictures for these guys of the ships sunk off Bikini. By the bomb tests, right? There was the ship from the bombing of Pearl Harbor, right Oppie?

—She was called the Nagato. Commanded by Admiral Yamamoto.

—So I went into this aircraft carrier, the Saratoga? It was a shallow dive just to get there, the deck was like forty feet under or something, but then it’s technical after that. Thing’s bigger than the Titanic. Eight decks. We’re talking major size. It was excellent. Plus there were sharks. Want to smoke out?

—No thanks, said Ann.

—They were circling pretty close, I’m telling you. I wished I had one of those cages you see in the movies. But you know, sharks are basically pussycats.

He began to roll a joint.

—It was strictly business for Leo and me, said Oppenheimer to Ann. —I gave a short speech to some of the islanders. Good people, very warm. Leo wanted to, as he put it, establish contact with them. He got me a speaking engagement at a church. The topic was world peace.

—You shoulda seen it, said Larry to Ann. —He rocked. He did. These people were digging him, I’m telling you.

—What was the point? asked Ann. —They live in the Marshall Islands! What use could they be to Szilard?

—We’re an equal opportunity employer, said Szilard, bustling out of the bathroom with his cell phone in hand. —I’ve got some of them coming over. New recruits.

—Are you kidding? Coming over for what?

—For