The Dance by Judy T. Lloyd (old books to read .TXT) 📕

not believe it is a date.

I do not believe in pretending that everything is alright. Most of the time it is not and most of the time the friends should take a back seat and just let the patient talk. One of the most irratating things to a cancer patient is for somebody to be whispering in there room. Family members mean well but then they say to the medical staff to not tell grandma she has cancer. Frankly what do they think that we can not read or know what the word Onocology means?

I met probable more cancer patients than most, I have also been a certified nursing assistant and I know how people feel. Sure cancer hits you like an iceberg. I will always say that having cancer is like having winter all year. So when asked by the patient, tell them the truth. There are tactful ways to do this. My mother-in-law asked me if she was going to die. You see a child she had babysat for was grown and wanted to do something for her. She brought her minister in to lay hands on Anna May. Anna May said she felt a warmth but she was not cured. Now this causes great debate, as I have seen people beat cancer and did so because of their great faith. I would not hesitate to pray for a person nor would I keep them from spiritual advisers. But when the inevitable sits in and the person realizes that a miracle did not occur they can be devastated. Anna May was and it was not long before she had to enter a nursing home.

Am I Going To Die?

By Judy T. Lloyd

"Am I going to die?" she asked.
"Yes you are but not today." I answered.
"When will I die then."
"You will not die until you are supposed to.
That may be a cop out but it really is not."
"Why not?" I reached down and took off her shoe.
"Anna May there is no expiration date on your foot." This seemed to console her and she went back to sleep.
When it came time, she did not ask for she was in a coma.
We sang to her and held her hand while the angels came.
We should all be so lucky.

In the dance of death for cancer patients the person who is with them makes the difference. Death as in my mother-in-law's case was not ugly. She was at peace after having heard her youngest son's voice over the phone. Her oldest son and I held her hands. We sang Jesus Loves Me and other tunes that she knew. We also told her to take the hand of Jesus and go home. There were a few rebound breathes and she let go. It seemed very cold on the drive home but it was August 5th,1995. A few months later I dealt with the death of her sister-in-law in the same manner. What a cold day in December that was. Gladys gave up after Anna May died she had a stroke. But the x-rays of her stomach showed that she too had cancer. It was just not revealed to her family. The doctor trusted me enough because of the fact the family had so much else to deal with. Within months we lost seven members of our co-joined family to cancer. They had all danced the dance of death and for them all death was a release of pain.

I do not personally feel that pain is the worst part of cancer. It does not help but being fatigued is really difficult to deal with. You feel like you are dancing a slow dance with death and keeping your body temperature up is hard. I still sleep under cover because I would get so cold. Even in the summer when I underwent radiation it felt like I was in an icebox. Sleeping all the time was a drag. However not being able to sleep was even worse until the pain pills kicked in. I was laying on the floor one morning in May with my dog Trooper. I could not rest because of the pain in my back. I woke up that morning and sent my husband away because I planned on killing myself. It was hard to get up and I fell back asleep a few times. Something though did wake me and I could hear a voice clearly telling me that I had done things my way. Now it was time for me to let him do things his way. It seemed as if I was sleep walking but I went over to the counter and looked at my pills. I upped the dosage on the Paxil and did away with the oxycontin. I had a really bad dream after taking that pain killer.

It was not long before I felt a lot better and I saw the coffee pot. I got up and poured half a cup. This was the first time in six months that I had drank coffee. I tell everyone today that if I start throwing up coffee I know that I have cancer again. But the slow dance you do when adjusting to coming back from cancer can be tense. Today they call that dance PTSS. Or post traumatic stress syndrome. It is not a great dance but you do it anyway. Some dances you want to turn down, others you know that you can't because you have to dance. So as Garth Brooks sand in the line.
"I would have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance."
So for me the best of the dance was the wonderful people that I met, even if they too did the dance of death, they were special. For example Mrs. Lacy Ward taught me about a brush alter, the mourning seat and most of all through her life and death she taught me how to live. So this Dance goes on and now I do Relay For Life. That is one dance I would not miss even if it does bring back pain.


I Will Dance For the Rest of My Life

By Judy T. Lloyd

I will dance with you for the rest of my life.
Tell the maestro to play the music slowly.
Let me see all that is to be in glory.
I have danced many dances and know.
That in order to dance the dance of life, I must take it slow.

I have danced the dance called The Twist.
I danced it for all those that exist.
I have danced and sung so that they hear.
I hope no one else has to dance this year.

If I dance then maybe the pain comes again.
I will laugh as I dance in the rain.
No sweeter course than this dance I dance.
For I dance the dance of life against cancer.

"I do not consider myself as a person who is dying with cancer, but I consider myself as a person who is living with cancer."
Houston Webley 2003.

"Cancer survivors are people who are living with cancer."
Vandal Holman 2003.

"I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the Dance."
Garth Brooks

"Of all the diseases that I would chose to have it would be cancer, because cancer can be cured."
Judy T. Lloyd 2001

So I dedicate this book to all those who do the dance and run the Relay For Life. For all those who participate and make tommorrow possible.

"There is no beginning and no ending, there is only the middle."
Gilda Radner.


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Publication Date: 12-23-2009

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