Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

me ashamed of myself when I saw him listen with so much humility

to what I was saying about certain matters of prayer, when I had

so little myself that I could speak on the subject to one like

him. Our Lord must have borne with me in this on account of the

great desire I had to see that religious making great progress.

My interview with him did me great good,—it seems as if it left

a new fire in my soul, burning with desire to serve our Lord as

in the beginning. O my Jesus! what is a soul on fire with Thy

love! How we ought to prize it, and implore our Lord to let it

live long upon earth! He who has this love should follow after

such souls, if it be possible.

20. It is a great thing for a person ill of this disease to find

another struck down by it,—it comforts him much to see that he

is not alone; they help one another greatly to suffer and to

merit. They are strong with a double strength who are resolved

to risk a thousand lives for God, and who long for an opportunity

of losing them. They are like soldiers who, to acquire booty,

and therewith enrich themselves, wish for war, knowing well that

they cannot become rich without it. This is their work—to

suffer. Oh, what a blessing it is when our Lord gives light to

understand how great is the gain of suffering for Him! This is

never understood till we have left all things; for if anybody is

attached to any one thing, that is a proof that he sets some

value upon it; and if he sets any value upon it, it is painful to

be compelled to give it up. In that case, everything is

imperfect and lost. The saying is to the purpose here,—he who

follows what is lost, is lost himself; and what greater loss,

what greater blindness, what greater calamity, can there be than

making much of that which is nothing!

21. I now return to that which I had begun to speak of. I was in

the greatest joy, beholding that soul. It seemed as if our Lord

would have me see clearly the treasures He had laid up in it; and

so, when I considered the favour our Lord had shown me, in that I

should be the means of so great a good, I recognised my own

unworthiness for such an end. I thought much of the graces our

Lord had given him, and held myself as indebted for them more

than if they had been given to myself. So I gave thanks to our

Lord, when I saw that His Majesty had fulfilled my desires and

heard my petition that He would raise up persons like him.

And now my soul, no longer able to bear the joy that filled it,

went forth out of itself, losing itself that it might gain the

more. It lost sight of the reflections it was making; and the

hearing of that divine language which the Holy Ghost seemed to

speak threw me into a deep trance, which almost deprived me of

all sense, though it did not last long. I saw Christ, in

exceeding great majesty and glory, manifesting His joy at what

was then passing. He told me as much, and it was His pleasure

that I should clearly see that He was always present at similar

interviews, and how much He was pleased when people thus found

their delight in speaking of Him.

22. On another occasion, when far away from this place, I saw him

carried by angels in great glory. I understood by that vision

that his soul was making great progress: so it was; for an evil

report was spread abroad against him by one to whom he had

rendered a great service, and whose reputation and whose soul he

had saved. He bore it with much joy. He did also other things

greatly to the honour of God, and underwent more persecutions.

I do not think it expedient now to speak further on this point;

if, however, you, my father, who know all, should hereafter think

otherwise, more might be said to the glory of our Lord.

23. All the prophecies spoken of before, [11] relating to this

house, as well as others, of which I shall speak hereafter,

relating to it and to other matters, have been accomplished.

Some of them our Lord revealed to me three years before they

became known, others earlier and others later. But I always made

them known to my confessor, and to the widow my friend; for I had

leave to communicate with her, as I said before. [12] She, I

know, repeated them to others, and these know that I lie not.

May God never permit me, in any matter whatever,—much more in

things of this importance,—to say anything but the whole truth!

24. One of my brothers-in-law [13] died suddenly; and as I was in

great distress at this, because he had no opportunity of making

his confession, our Lord said to me in prayer that my sister also

was to die in the same way; that I must go to her, and make her

prepare herself for such an end. I told this to my confessor;

but as he would not let me go, I heard the same warning again;

and now, when he saw this, he told me I might go, and that I

should lose nothing by going. My sister was living in the

country; and as I did not tell her why I came, I gave her what

light I could in all things. I made her go frequently to

confession, and look to her soul in everything. She was very

good, and did as I asked her. Four or five years after she had

begun this practice, and keeping a strict watch over her

conscience, she died, with nobody near her, and without being

able to go to confession. This was a blessing to her, for it was

little more than a week since she had been to her accustomed

confession. It was a great joy to me when I heard of her death.

She was but a short time in purgatory.

25. I do not think it was quite eight days afterwards when, after

Communion, our Lord appeared to me, and was pleased that I should

see Him receive my sister into glory. During all those years,

after our Lord had spoken to me, until her death, what I then

learnt with respect to her was never forgotten either by myself

or by my friend, who, when my sister was thus dead, came to me in

great amazement at the fulfilment of the prophecy. God be

praised for ever, who takes such care of souls that they may not

be lost!

1. Doña Luisa de la Cerda, sister of the Duke of Medina-Coeli,

was now the widow of Arias Pardo, Marshal of Castille, Lord of

Malagon and Paracuellos. Don Arias was nephew of Cardinal

Tabera, Archbishop of Toledo (De la Fuente).

2. F. Vicente Barron, Dominican (see ch. v. § 8), according to

F. Bouix, on the authority of Ribera and Yepez; but the Carmelite

Father, Fr. Antonio of St. Joseph, in his note on the first

Fragment (Letters, vol. iv. p. 408), says that it was Fr. Garcia

of Toledo, brother of Don Fernando, Duke of Alva; and Don Vicente

de la Fuente thinks the opinion of Fr. Antonio the more probable.

3. Pedro Ibañez (Bouix).

4. Ch. xxxiii. § 11.

5. Father Bouix says that here the word “confiar,” “trust,” in

the printed text, has been substituted by some one for the words

“estar cierta,” “be certain,” which he found in the MS. But Don

Vicente de la Fuente retains the old reading “confiar,” and makes

no observation on the alleged discrepancy between the MS. and the

printed text. The observation of F. Bouix, however, is more

important, and deserves credit,—for Don Vicente may have failed,

through mere inadvertence, to see what F. Bouix saw; and it is

also to be remembered that Don Vicente does not say that the

MS. on this point has been so closely inspected as to throw any

doubt on the positive testimony of F. Bouix. Six years after

this note was written Don Vicente published a facsimile by

photography of the original text in the handwriting of the Saint,

preserved in the Escurial. The words are not “confiar,” but

“estar cierta.”

6. Ch. xxxiii. § 12.

7. Ch. xiv. § 10.

8. 1 Thess. v. 19: “Spiritum nolite extinguere.”

9. St. Matt. xix. 26: “Apud Deum autem omnia possibilia sunt.”

10. F. Gaspar de Salazar.

11. Ch. xxvi. § 3.

12. Ch. xxx. § 3. Doña Guiomar de Ulloa.

13. Don Martin de Guzman y Barrientos, husband of Maria de

Cepeda, the Saint’s sister.

Chapter XXXV.

The Foundation of the House of St. Joseph. The Observation of

Holy Poverty Therein. How the Saint Left Toledo.

1. When I was staying with this lady, [1] already spoken of, in

whose house I remained more than six months, our Lord ordained

that a holy woman [2] of our Order should hear of me, who was

more than seventy leagues away from the place. She happened to

travel this way, and went some leagues out of her road that she

might see me. Our Lord had moved her in the same year, and in

the same month of the year, that He had moved me, to found

another monastery of the Order; and as He had given her this

desire, she sold all she possessed, and went to Rome to obtain

the necessary faculties. She went on foot, and barefooted.

She is a woman of great penance and prayer, and one to whom our

Lord gave many graces; and our Lady appeared to her, and

commanded her to undertake this work. Her progress in the

service of our Lord was so much greater than mine, that I was

ashamed to stand in her presence. She showed me Briefs she

brought from Rome, and during the fortnight she remained with me

we laid our plan for the founding of these monasteries.

2. Until I spoke to her, I never knew that our rule, before it

was mitigated, required of us that we should possess nothing; [3]

nor was I going to found a monastery without revenue, [4] for my

intention was that we should be without anxiety about all that

was necessary for us, and I did not think of the many anxieties

which the possession of property brings in its train. This holy

woman, taught of our Lord, perfectly understood—though she could

not read—what I was ignorant of, notwithstanding my having read

the Constitutions [5] so often; and when she told me of it, I

thought it right, though I feared they would never consent to

this, but would tell me I was committing follies, and that I

ought not to do anything whereby I might bring suffering upon

others. If this concerned only myself, nothing should have kept

me back,—on the contrary, it would have been my great joy to

think that I was observing the counsels of Christ our Lord; for

His Majesty had already given me great longings for poverty. [6]

3. As for myself, I never doubted that this was the better part;

for I had now for some time wished it were possible in my state

to go about begging, for the love of God—to have no house of my