Crossing the Mirage: Passing through youth by BS Murthy (interesting novels in english txt) 📕

That night he felt his love was too dear to his soul to be left to his beloved’s caprice. Hence, he set out to think about the ways and means of bringing her around to the altar. In the end, he felt he needed to be bold and forthright with her. But as he recalled the fiasco of his dashing move of yore, he was apprehensive about the intended advance. Nevertheless, he decided to proceed for want of a better move and try his luck just the same.

As planned, the next evening he reached the park and headed straight to the spot in anticipation. But, on reaching the hedge, his legs became logs. Nithya, who saw him thus, stood in apprehension. But as the attraction he felt for her propelled him over the hurdle of his hesitation, he lunged into the nook in a fit of emotion.

“I want to tell you,” he blurted out.

“So you broke your promise?” she said, a little puzzled.

“I couldn’t help from coming,” he said in regret tinged with hope, “I came in spite of myself.”

“What for?” she responded involuntarily, looking up.

“To live,” he said lovingly as his love-filled heart pumped in every ounce of affection he nursed in it into his vocal cords for him to touch the right chord.

“I don’t get you,” she said, touched as she was by his emotion.

“I’m in love with you,” he said, as she lowered her eyes.

She was shocked to hear what she already knew.

“I’m desperate for you,” he continued. “I’m dying to make you my wife. I shall cherish you with all my heart, all my life.”

She looked at him in bewilderment.

“Believe me,” he said.

“What’s this!” she said in vexation. “Is it fair to impose yourself like this?”

“I couldn’t help it,” he continued as if in a trance. “My life depends on your decision.”

“Don’t be mad.”

“I’ve become insane really,” he said in desperation.

Unable to confound her situation, as she left the place in confusion, he sank to his knees in dejection.

‘Oh God, why this fate?’ he bemoaned. ‘Why did I allow myself to demean my love? And scandalize her, whom I love! I’ve lost my head too. It’s unfair of me to have pressured her with my sentiment. What’s worse, I’ve lost my face. It’s a shame.’

As though his remorse consumed his soul, he lay like a corpse on the lawn.

Chapter 8

Dilemma of Disclosure

While Chandra lay there snubbed, Nithya walked away in consternation.

‘What madness!’ she thought in vexation. ‘And who is he by the way? Poor chap, he seems to be suffering. But how can I help him? Am I not bellyful with trouble already? I’m more in need of help than anyone I can think of.’

As she walked aimlessly, she insensibly focused her thoughts on Chandra.

‘Since he loves me,’ the stray thought snowballed into a solution for her problem, ‘won’t he help me?’

Weighing the pros and cons, she reinvigorated herself and reversed her direction. And as she returned to the nook, she found him lying like a corpse.

“Excuse me,” she said sweetly.

“I apologize,” he gesticulated even as he sprang up to his feet.

“I know love is no blame,” she said with empathy. “But I’m sorry that I can’t reciprocate.”

“It is my fault really,’ he said in reconciliation. “I got carried away.”

“If you like,” she said invitingly, “we can be friends.”

“If only I’m not in love with you,” he said with mixed feelings, “I would’ve grabbed your friendly hand with both hands. Now, I’m afraid I can’t be content being just your friend.”

“I appreciate your frankness,” she said admiring his admission. “What I need now is a friend more than a lover. Good bye.”

Seeing her depart in disappointment, he felt dejected.

‘How mean I refused to be her friend,’ he thought in dejection, ‘Of what avail my love if it fails to provide succor to my beloved! Shameful, isn’t it? I shall stake everything for her sake.’

And he ran up to her in love.

“Forgive your friend,” he said extending his hand.

“Oh, thank you,” she said grabbing his hand.

“I'll forever remain your friend in need,” he said pressing her hand.

“I need your help,” she said lowering her eyes, “right now.”

“Tell me then,” he said, shaking her hand. “I'll do my best.”

“Oh, I’m relieved really,” she said as it showed on her face. “But still I need time to think how to talk about that odd errand. Will you please come tomorrow?”

“Same time if you please.”

“Let’s make it by four,” she said.

“Bye,” he waved her goodbye.

“Thank you, bye,” she said and walked away in relief even as he watched her with love.

‘Oh, how he invokes sympathy with his empathy!’ Nithya thought on her way back home. ‘And he’s so agreeable. But how come I was so rude to him? Anyway, I’ll make up for that now, won’t I? See we haven’t even introduced ourselves in that confusion? Unlike Vasu, hope he would be true to his word.’

Chandra, on the other hand, went back to the nook as though to commemorate their reconciliation.

‘How nice it feels to be close to her,’ he felt ecstatic. ‘What a joy it is really. What’s that she seeks from me! Weird are the ways of life, aren’t they? If not for her predicament, she wouldn’t have had a second look at me, leave alone seeking my friendship. Who knows if I could solve her problem, I may even win her affection. After all, won’t friendship between man and woman lead to love?

That night, while Nithya sank into sleep in relief, Chandra hit the pillow daydreaming.

Waking up early the next day, as though to welcome a new dawn in their lives, they both remained tentative thinking about the outcome of their expected meeting. But as the time neared for the rendezvous while Chandra was beset by doubts, Nithya was seized with shame.

‘What if she develops second thoughts?’ he was haunted by the thought.  

‘How to tell him?’ she racked her brains no end.

Wearied at last, while he left the issue for his fate to decide, unable to hit upon the right presentation, she decided to entrust the matter to her instinct itself. However, in the end, driven by desire, as he reached the nook, he found her in all anticipation.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, sitting beside her, “I’ve kept you waiting.”

“You’re not late,” she said checking with her watch, “but I came early.”

 ‘It is funny really,’ he thought aloud. ‘We’re friends without knowing who we are!’

“I’m Nithya.”

“I like your name,” he said. “I’m Chandra.”

“Inspiring name, isn’t it?”

“Not so if you go by my namesake who wavers in the skies.”

“Then it’s wise,” she said smiling, “to take your word before he arrives.”

“You’re a real wit,” he said in all admiration.

“Do you lack any?” she returned the compliment.

“Hope to hope.”

“Maybe for now, who knows?”

“And for now I’m at your service,” he said squatting in all attention. 

“I badly need your help as I told you,” she said in embarrassment. “But I don’t know what to tell and where to begin. And it’s a delicate matter too. I am at a loss how to handle it.”

“Begin from your adolescence,” he suggested. “Though childhood would’ve a bearing on it, life really starts at that point.”

“That’s true,” she said as though he showed her the way to lead her story. “Besides helping you to get a total picture of me, it would give me time before I come to the point. Here is the embarrassing account of my life.”

Chapter 9

Perils of Youth

Nithya matured at nine, a little early, even for the Indian clime. More than the biological change, it was the cultural fuss the happening heralds that made her conscious of her altered persona.

She felt as though the oni on her bosom robbed her off her personal freedom. The custom that pulled her out of the child circuit and at the same time denied her admission into the Venus Club, left her clueless about her own identity. Nevertheless, the imperatives of her sensuality and the male proclivities to her sexuality began confounding her. In all that, her sex education was limited to the thumb rules her mother happened to dish out to her.

With the passage of time, as nature perfected the female in her, her frame acquired the womanly graces and her manner imbibed the feminine nuances. However, privy to her own attributes, as her impulses courted curiosity for company; she began to grasp the singularity of her sex appeal from the body language of the enamored males. Soon, her vanity goaded her to explore the nuances of male desire from the emanations of her admirers. Besides, while her compelling looks ensured the adoration of her parents, her application of mind evoked the admiration of her teachers. Thus, pleased with herself, she acquired the poise of a princess.

But, she didn’t come across her prince charming, though she was through with her studies. The campus culture that didn’t mix the sexes in the college and the parents who forbade dating ensured that. Nevertheless, as she got her degree in humanities, her father went out of his way in search of a suitable match for her. After all, marriages had to be arranged affairs and the dowry was a determining as well as a deterring factor in the real time matchmaking. But as her father was hard up to cough up dowry, Nithya’s prospective nuptial was slow in materializing. Just the same, the talk of it that was thick in the air gave wings to her amorous inclinations. However, as the eagerness in her mind and the lethargy on the ground mismatched, the moment of her cherished conjugation remained in the realms of her dreams.

It was at that juncture that her destiny seemed to ordain an apparently agreeable route to the sought-after altar. All those years, her father had put the outhouse on hold lest any man in the garb of a tenant should dabble with the virginity of his desirable daughters. What with the elder three happily married by then, and Nithya, the last one, on the verge of it, the idea to let it out took hold of him all again. And abetted by his wife, who averred that it could be even a solution to Nithya's marriage, if only they took in the right tenant after proper screening, he tied the ‘To Let’ board to the gate of their
AC Guards’ house. Though that brought in the interested in numbers but for want of a hard knock from a bachelor with the right resume, the board began to lose its sheen.

It was into that setting that Vasu entered when Nithya was all alone at home that evening.

“What do you want?” she asked, opening the door to a stunned Vasu.

He directed her questioning look towards the ‘To Let’ board though without taking his eyes off her.

“My father is not at home,” she said, equally enamored of him.

“Can I see the place?” he asked, sensing his opportunity.

“You can, but... .”

“Show me then,” he persisted.

“But it’s not I who decide.”

“I’m sure,” he said enticingly, “you can surely put in a word.”

She blushed for a reply.

“When can I come back?”

“After my father is back,” she said, regaining herself.

“How am I to know that?” he said with a smile. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Welcome,” she said, a little embarrassed, “but I’m sorry.”

“Never mind,” he said enticingly. “May I know your name?”

“I’m Nithya.”

“I’m Vasu,” he said smiling, “you’ve a nice name.”

“Thank you,” she too smiled.

“Do expect me,” he said as he took the road.

Drawn by attraction, she went up to the gate, and he, in anticipation, looked back at her. As that facilitated their eye contact, while she withdrew herself in embarrassment, thinking about the possibilities, he left elated.

‘A man for dreams,’ felt Nithya trying to relive the moment.

‘A dame of a game,’ thought Vasu sardonically.

When he came back, while shyness kept her away from him, her desire let her daydream in anticipation. And when he got the nod from her parents, she felt elated.

“He’s of our ilk,” said