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Chapter Thirty-Six

"The doctor said that his left leg suffered a lot that he needed another operation. Everything is uncertain. He might not walk again. The news makes him so distressed and hopeless." Donny and Nayana takes me in a cafe to have a talk. Both of them are so worried about Deus condition.

Nayana cried when she saw me. She keeps apologizing for what happened to me and Deus. Donny says sorry too and I keep telling them that they do not have to feel sorry. After our hugging and crying session outside the hospital room we decided to go out and eat.

"I'm sorry for dragging you in this mess again Ellie. He is so desperate to talk to you. I can't just stand there and see him losing his mind calling your name. I'm his mom and seeing him almost losing his life kills me. He is crying and begging to me to help him talk to you." Nayana also looks like she's losing some weights.

"I felt so sorry too that it ended up like this. He did so much for me and I can't thank him enough. I love your son so much that it hurts like hell. I want to be with him. I really want to, but if what it takes to be with him is breaking a child's heart and taking Zaylee’s chance to have a complete family I don' think it's reasonable enough." I am staring at my cup of coffee. This conversation is making me feel numb because the pain is just too much to bear.

"Hay, I never anticipate this to happen" Donny sighed as he sips his coffee. Nayana hold my hand and caressed it. It's so excruciating to think that I will soon cut my ties with her. She used to be my mother figure. She makes me feel the warmth I am longing for.

We are all bruised and pained. We all need to heal.

"You are forever be our daughter remember that okay? No matter what your decision is, we highly respect it. I know it's hard and all of this pained you deeply. It pained us all. Please don't loathe us." she said crying again.

I will never regret meeting them. They are my family.

"We tried to fix things about the issue. I didn't believe at first that Deus is the father of the kid. I am the witness of how he finds all the possible ways to find you. I saw how he cared for you ever since. I can't imagine he did something like this. We try to do paternity test and it turns out positive. I hope this is just all a dream." Donny is so calm in handling this stuff but he can't look at me.

We've shared a lot of memories together and I can see that he is hurting too with all that's happening right now. He is just trying to hide it.

The paternity test is what I am actually waiting. Now that I know that it turns out positive then I don't have a choice but to do the thing that I think is best for all of us.

"Honestly, I don't know what to do. I’m torn in doing two things. One I love and one that I don't think I can but needed to. But I think, I already heard what I want to hear."

I try to give them the sweetest smile but my tears betrayed me. It flows and flows nonstop.

I cried in Nayana's hands. I made up my mind but my heart never agrees to this. I’m used to the feeling of running away and leaving the things and memories behind without a word and without hesitation but today feels so different.

I am saying goodbye even though I don't really want to. Just the thought of it is killing me. I feel Donny stand up and he hugged me tight. I cried even more.

"I am always proud of how tender your heart is. I will be forever be proud of you no matter what. Fuck this life and it's twist." He said and I know he is shedding some tears too. I don't want to let him go knowing this might be the last time. We cried and cried till out tears finally dried up.

I am just staring at them the whole time. I am trying to remember every detail of their faces. Those kind and loving faces will live forever in my mind rent free.

"I want to thank you guys for everything. You help me a lot. I hope one day when everything is finally fine and when my heart is finally healed, we will be able to bond again." I said to them and Nayana starts hugging me tight.

"What's your plan?" Donny asked.

My plan? I really don't have any but I need to come up with something really quick. I can't take a pause because I might end up not moving at all.

"Finish school and have a good job far away maybe." I answered him. I need time for myself. I think I need to go away from here to heal myself. If I will stay here, I'm sure I can't stop myself from coming back to him. I will just make it hard for the both of us.

"Will you be okay?" Nayana asked and I nod

"Maybe not today and not on the nearest time being but I will eventually be okay." I honestly said because I am not even sure I will really be. I smiled at them though it's full of sadness and longing.

"Make sure you still do your best in school huh. We are rooting for you from here. I can't wait to see you be successful." Donny pats my head. Their support and the way they believe in me will always be the greatest.

When I had nothing and no one else is beside me they appear cheering me up and giving me hope.

"When you are finally okay, pay us a visit. Don't forget about us" Nayana pinched my cheeks for the last time.

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