Onlyness by Santosh Jha (red white and royal blue hardcover .txt) 📕

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CHAPTER 11

Melissa reads both the mails twice, which Shiv hands over to her, as she comes back to her room. One is from Acharya of the Rishikesh ashram, who addresses it to Shiv, asking him to come back as soon as possible as he is very ill and need to be taken to specialist hospital for further treatment. The other is an e-mail print, which her father has sent for her in Shiv’s email account. It requests her to come back soon as her mother is worried for her and needs her back as soon as possible. Shiv tells him that he had found her father’s mail when he had gone to town and checked his email. Acharya’s letter was delivered to him by a special messenger.

Shiv leaves her with the letters. Melissa realizes why Shiv looked in a hurry to talk about all these ideas, as he knew they did not have time together. She understands that Shiv cannot stay here, as he has to be with Acharya and take personal care of him. She can easily ignore her mother’s call but she knows, she cannot stop Shiv from going as his duties towards the ailing Acharya was primary and of utmost importance to him. After his parent’s sudden demise, Acharya had raised him. He was both father and mother for him. She understands the inevitability of her separation with Shiv but as everything comes so suddenly, she is unable to accept it. The very idea of Shiv not being with her even for a moment never came to her mind in all these days. Unconsciously, she had accepted that it was just a beginning with him and everything around him. The idea of Shiv going away from her and she going back to USA is something she had never entertained. She looks for him but he has apparently left her with her ideas. She moves out of her room and walks alone to her favorite spot on top of the terraced farms, which offers a wide-open vista she likes most.

Gradually, as she accepts the inevitability, she begins to race up her mind to work out a possibility, which could keep her with Shiv. She has a hunch that Shiv would rush back to Rishikesh early tomorrow and that is why she only has half the day and night to work out a plan.

After much thought, she could come up with only one solution. She tells herself that in fact, this is not a solution, rather something, she truly desires. She is rather very happy at the genius she is in deciphering this simple idea, which would be solution for not only this problem, rather all her troubles. She is even irritated by the thought this idea should have come earlier to her. She feels Shiv so much part of her consciousness now that it comes as a natural progression to her. In her deep consciousness, she feels now that the idea was already imprinted and what is a natural next step is to just formalize it.

In her innocence and simplicity, she is not even registering Shiv as something distinct and different from her own consciousness. Like a child, she is happy that she will take it into her pocket, something she likes and will take home. Kids never believe their parents cannot give them anything they wish. Shiv has always pampered her like a kid and never said no to her. Melissa has it that she does not have to ask for something she already has. She thinks, she just has to tell it to him to inform that she is taking it home for her.

She walks back to village looking for Shiv. She is told that Shiv was looking for her desperately and as he could not find her near her room, he left a message for her that he was going to the town to arrange for back journey tomorrow and inform both her father and Acharya that they were coming. She is told that Shiv would be back by evening. She is happy and goes back to her room to pack her belongings.

Shiv comes back from town with so many small gifts for her, which were made by local artisans. He tells her that everything has been arranged and they will leave early morning. She is in mood to see the gifts and know about anything. She takes his arms and pulls him to her room. It is beginning to get dark in the room and Shiv wants to get a candle. She does not want it and asks him to sit with her on the bed as she wished to talk something important. Shiv complies and looks at her.

“Shiv, I have a brilliant idea. I thought over it when you were away. When we reach Rishikesh, you shall immediately move away with Acharya to where ever he can have the best treatment. If he is willing, we can take him to USA straightaway for better treatment. Then we all can go together. If not, then you can take him where he wishes and I shall go to London and spend some time with my dad. I really wish that. Later, when Acharya is well and in good health, you will come to London. Together, we shall travel the entire Europe for months. Then, we shall go to Rishikesh and get married in the ashram. After that, we shall come back to this beautiful place and live here till I have the fill of it. Right now, I am ready to leave this place to come back. And Shiv, when we shall come back, we shall build a wooden house of our own because we shall come here every year and spend some time. You know….”

Shiv looks at her in full admiration and gratitude; while she keeps talking about all things, she had thought of, while Shiv was away. She does not wish to leave any small detail of her future planning unspoken, so that Shiv could feel assured and at peace. She has taken upon her the responsibility of every bit of future planning as she feels, as Shiv has taken care of her in his place, it shall be her turn to do it all for him, when he shall be in her place.

Shiv is completely at loss how to handle this unexpected development. He had never imagined that Melissa could be thinking over this possibility. This is something even the chief conspirator had not anticipated of, whose plan Shiv was carrying off. Marrying Melissa is impossibility for him. However, he never imagines to land Melissa even in slightest pain. He is faced with the toughest challenge of his life. He has to say no to Melissa and still ensure that she is not pained by his refusal. It would not be easy for him. He cannot tell her the truth and surely cannot agree to marry her. He is however, very confident of her trust in him. He knows she will understand him.

Melissa stops her talk and turns to look at Shiv, as he lights a candle in the corner of the room. She was so engrossed in her words that she did not realize when Shiv slipped away in the dark to get a candle. Shiv comes back and sits in front of her. She looks at him with expectation.

“Melissa, I know, you do not need to be reminded that if there is anything, which is a possibility for me, I can sacrifice anything in this world to do it for you. You are so special for me. I want you to believe me when I say that you are special for me and I wish to do anything for your joys not because your father has done so much for Acharya, the ashram and even me. It is because what I have received from you in the last few days, I have been with you. What an empress picks up becomes a precious thing. You made a stupid thing like me so precious by the touch of your innocence, honesty, simplicity and so much of golden trust on me. You know Melissa; small boys here play in the night, when the moon is full. The boys keep an empty matchbox and when moon rises up in the sky, they hold the matchbox in line with the moon and then close it. They all celebrate that they caught the moon inside the matchbox. They know it well that it is impossible; still they are hilariously celebrative of their big attainment. For me, you are like the moon, which I know is impossible for me to get. I am not even blessed like the small kid who is happy catching the moon in the matchbox. I do not even have this matchbox. But I have something, which you have given me – your unflinching trust and confidence on me. And this I hold out to you with utmost belief that you shall understand me. Melissa, there are ways people get and feel a bond. You and I are not in a bond of togetherness and proximity because we are very good friends or we can acquire a nomenclature of some social utility of pairing. You know it very well that we have shared our deep consciousnesses with each other. You already are in total and perfect reception of the reality that similar and generic elements are in perfect and inseparable union. This happens because, we have similar consciousnesses and they have already merged. Our intimacy and singular consciousnesses are not suitable for nomenclatures. However, there are factors and situations in physical milieus, which we have to respect and observe. The innocent imagination of the super consciousnesses within us is beyond boundaries and therefore does not deem anything as impossibility. However, the body-mind realism operates within boundaries of physical milieus. What you said is something not possible. It is an impossibility, as it has to be a reality within the physical milieu, which does not allow it. You have all the rights to ask me why this is impossible, when your innocence and simplicity clearly sees it as a natural progression. Here, I very innocently request you to keep your question alive as why it is impossible. You need to trust me that you shall have your answers in time. Acharya says, don’t get stuck to a question and move ahead. If you do not find the right answer, it does not mean there isn’t any. May be, it does not come right there because you are still not ready for it. It shall get unraveled to you when you are ready. I know, you have always trusted me and my decisions. Just keep your questions alive. Do not allow the questions to prevail over your objective consciousness. You have the ultimate gravitation pull of innocence and honesty, which shall draw all answers to you in time. And when they shall come, you shall feel happy and satisfied.”

Melissa does not say anything. Her mind is too busy figuring out what Shiv told her. She remains in complete trust with him but surely, she wants to figure out, what he wishes her to look at. She knows, Shiv cannot be dishonest to her. She accepts that what Shiv told her was his innocent consciousness, which he has shared and that is why, it is easy for her to accept his intents. She just wants to figure out, what could be there in the physical milieu, which Shiv points out as the boundary of impossibility.

Shiv moves away and after half an hour, he comes back with a plate of food for her. He sits in front of her on her bed and gestures her to eat. She gestures back her reluctance. He takes small morsels of food from the plate and affectionately puts them in her mouth. She accepts them. Shiv draws back