Sinfully Yours by Mirah Selim (best e reader for manga txt) 📕

Author Pov

"How are you feeling now? Your nightmares. And the voices that you used to here?" The psychiatrist questioned Cyrus who blinked his eyes at her nodding his head.

"Better. I don't hear those voices anymore and my nightmares are better too." The psychiatrist smiled as she wanted to add something to his list.

Your attitude is better too now.

But instead, she decided to keep it to herself after all she didn't want him to get angry again. After all, whenever he glares at her it scares her. But there was something different about his eyes today. They weren't as dark as they used to be yet there was an emotion that was obvious to decipher even though he was trying his best to hide.

Sadness. His gaze seemed tensed and sad. She had no idea what had happened to make this psycho so sad. But she can clearly understand that he was again fighting with something within himself alone.

"Is there something bothering you? You can share it and I promise it will stay safe with me." Cyrus chuckled shaking his head. His eyes voluntarily went to the window which was surprisingly opened today. The sky was covered with clouds just like how the gloomy cover was encircling his happiness.

"How do you convince yourself to act upon the decision you already have made?" Dr. Ellen stayed quiet for some time as she let him say whatever was troubling him.

"How should I convince myself that the decision I made is right and I should do as I decided?" He said staring at the sky with an uncertain gaze.

"Why do you think you can't act upon the decision you made?" She asked making him sigh heavily.

"Because I know if I did act upon it, it will hurt. Too much that I might not be able to take it. And I. " He paused gulping down.

"I-I am scared. Scared of that pain." He whispered almost inaudibly. Dr. Ellen suddenly felt a sharp pang in her chest watching him looking so troubled. She wouldn't lie seeing the man who always tried to come out tough and rough looking so down and weak today made her weirdly sad for him.

Cyrus was the rare case she ever had in her whole career. He was a strong build psycho yet it was so rare to see someone with such dangerous disorders trying to hold himself together and heal himself. Cases like him used to be sent to an asylum and sometimes she even had to give up on a few people with such disorders as they weren't ready to corporate with her yet Cyrus proved her wrong that every person with those disorders can't control themselves or doesn't want to heal.

She could see how much he was trying to be healed. And the times she had a session with him he always seemed stubborn yet indirectly was willing to corporate with her but today he seemed extremely down and upset.

Like he was tired. Just tired and wanted to rest for God knows how long. "Are you ok Mr. Sylvester?" Her question made him look in her way.

How much he wanted to shake his head and confess that he was not ok. He wanted to tell all the secrets his heart was holding in but in the end, the tough wall around his heart won and he nodded his head.

"I am fine." The lie slipped off his tongue without a hint of doubt. Dr. Ellen nodded her head and smiled at him.

"It's not easy to fight with your fear. It's not easy to make a decision that will bring pain to ourselves. But if that decision is right then we should prepare ourselves for that pain instead. Because it's not easy to take a decision which will bring pain to us but if it's the right decision to make then never hesitate act upon it." Her words did affect him and she knew by his expressions he was thinking about it.

"Just give yourself time. Find a peaceful place and close your eyes and think alone if what you're going to do is right or wrong. This will help you to make the right decision and also act upon it no matter how painful the procedure might be." The silence fell between them with Cyrus just thinking about her words and her observing him silently.

He nodded his head and the session went on for more fifteen minutes before she ended it earlier than usual. It was obvious Cyrus wasn't in the right state of mind today. His face screams that he wants to be alone somewhere where he would hear no voice.

After the session ended Cyrus went to the only place that ever gave him peace even though he once promised himself to never come back today his heart desperately wanted to be alone and that place was the only spot his mind reminded him of.

Walking near the edge of the barren field his eyes fell over the river where he once used to bawl his eyes out when he used to feel like no one is there for him. And today again he felt like he has no one to embrace him, to give a hand on his shoulder telling him that he was not alone.

But could he blame anyone? Wish he could blame someone but sadly he can't. Closing his eyes he heaved in a breath when a slow beautiful cold wind caressed his face making his hair swirl slightly as well.

I can never love him!

He felt a painful squeeze against his chest hearing those words yet he didn't dare to open his eyes. He again felt a wave of slow wind hitting his frame and again another voice echoed in his ear.

Promise me if someday I couldn't be with you, you wouldn't stop living.

He slowly detached his eyes hearing the voice of water being hit by the wind. He looked up at the sky which started turning dark as it was already evening. Maybe with Hazel, he doesn't have many good memories but she's the only one who brought him back to life.

She's the only beautiful memory he had from the time he was born.

Even after being a monster to her, she is still trying to help him. Indeed his innocent wife. His sweetheart. She proved to be selfless every time and he always proved to be a selfish one. She did so much for him even after all the shits he did to her yet he never did anything for her. It has always been about him. And just him.