the 2 relationship by natalie grace (reading eggs books .txt) 📕

Those are just a few memories of many in those crazy drug fuelled years…

Monkey often told me I was like a boy. I had never heard this perspective before so I remember listening tentatively. He said I was one of the lads in a sexy skin loll that made me laugh. But I know what he meant. I wasn’t one to take anybody’s shit, I was hard, had to be heard, and didn’t care for anybody’s opinion. But that was on the outside, my shell that I used to protect myself from all the hurt around me. He was probably the only person in that period of time that saw the inside of me that crumbled and shook when I cried and was torn.

My friendship with monkey never faded from the age of 18, even now in this current moment he is in my life although at a complete distance because he is now married. Our relationship over the 12 years I have known him has been a complex one. There is more to it that I want to try to describe honestly.

I don’t know why but I always kept my romantic relationship with Shad (will be described in depth in part 3 to this series of entries) completely separate. For the first few years monkey didn’t even know I had a boyfriend. But because there wasn’t anything romantic between us I never felt the need to tell him.

Although monkey and I were inseparable, I was completely in love with Shad. A few years into our friendship monkey told me he was in love with me which was the main point our bond got very complicated. He told me he wished he had treated me right when we first met and that he didn’t realise what he had with me was so precious. The whole time he confessed his feelings I remember the same words playing in my mind constantly, “it’s just too late!”

I remember the day he found out shortly after this that I had a boyfriend. He was livid. Monkey is the only person I have ever known, outside of my family, which is crazier than I am. He emptied my bag on the floor, snatched my phone and rang Shad, shouting down the phone as he physically trembled with anger. He told Shad to come and fight him which terrified me because I knew monkey would rip him to shreds. Thankfully nothing ever happened of this sort. He swore and screamed in my face grabbing and pushing me up against a wall. I let him let it out, I felt I owed him this much for not telling him about Shad sooner. If you have read about my life you will know this wasn’t a new behaviour to me and it didn’t intimidate me in the slightest. I trusted him and knew he would never hit me which he never did. Instead he ran straight into a brick wall, smashing his head and knocked himself out. I remember holding his bleeding head in my lap, in the rain, tears falling silently from my face. I told him I loved him but not in that way.

That was the last time he told me about his feeling, although over the years he asked me to marry him more than once. Looking back at the years that followed that day, maybe I should have let him go. I should have been stronger and told him we couldn’t be friends, but I was selfish and I didn’t. We stayed close, I didn’t have the strength to let him go, I needed him. We stayed inseparable, lost in drugs and madness until I was about 25 when he met the girl he is now married to.

Publication Date: 01-22-2018

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Dedication:
My social side is a complicated one. I wouldn’t say i have dealt with social anxiety my whole life. I was in fact very popular throughout my teens and definitely a free spirit. However, somewhere in my early twenties i developed a feeling of not belonging. I had many friends in my early 20s so it wasn’t so much a lack of interaction but more a mix of being misunderstood with feeling self conscious.