The Life We Live by Lexi Baker (motivational books for students TXT) 📕

Growing up, I've never been sure about my sexuality and if we weren't both trying to get better, I would have asked her out but I just wasn't sure so I let our friendship bloom instead. We were so close that she even gave me her phone number that sat on a purple rip of paper in the drawer beside my hospital bed. I didn't have a phone yet but when I got one, I'd be sure to have her as my first contact added.

I walked towards our hospital section and made my way to Anna's bed. She laid there; propped up reading a book called Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden. The other day I had asked her what it was about; curious after seeing two girls on the front cover. She told me that the story revolved around two teenaged girls who had a special friendship that grew into true love. The pressures and judgment of society however, grew tough for them. Likewise, they still kept headstrong and lived their lives the way they wanted to. Her lips curled up into a grin when she mentioned that the book was banned in many many many areas. Sometimes I thought she just enjoyed breaking the rules.

See, the book was an obvious symbol to who she was and what gender she liked and if I would have asked her out my story would have continued in the direction I wanted at the time. Because I didn't however, I would end up experiencing things that were beyond what I expected for myself. And so that path I went, not because I knew Anna wouldn't like me back because I truthfully didn't know but because I was afraid to get close to someone again. Afraid to feel such emotions for someone again. Afraid that I would be abandoned again. Afraid.

Shortly after saying my goodbyes to Anna, I changed back into the clothes I arrived in; my pajamas. The same bitchy nurse from the other day had notified me that my brother was here. I couldn't help the tears that pooled in my eyes at the thought of what happened that night. The clothes smelled like death and I know everyone knew it. Or did they?

I walked down the patterned hallways and cruised down on the elevator to the lobby floor. I stepped out and looked around cautiously; sandles on my feet showing off the chipping black nailpolish on my toes. My eyes ran across the scenery. The sad waiting faces in the overcrowded waiting room, the grin of a young teenage boy eyeing me, and the impatient tap of a stubby nail on the wall beside the elevator disturbing my trance. My eyes shot up in anger before softening at the look at my brothers face.

I hadn't seen him in so long. He moved out at 16, when I was 10. Heck, for all I knew, he left with our dad that night.

His eyes were light blue in contrast to my dark ones and he still had the same dot of a birthmark underneath the left side of his lips. His skin was a pale creamy color; his hazel hair slightly darker. His eyes were overlooking me; how much I had changed and then his lips curled in disgust; probably at my outfit.

"Why are you wearing lingerie?" He let out in a gruff but smooth voice that had obviously deepend over the years.

"Oh, it isn't lingerie. They're my pajamas, I didn't have any other clothes and-" My own voice sounded hoarse even to my own ears.

He turned on his heel, gesturing for me to follow and probably not caring for seeing his little sister again.

The ride to my new home was long, very long and silent. I didn't feel like talking anyways but that didn't stop me but wondering what kind of person my brother had become. He was now 23 years old and should have graduated from college like two years ago or something. I stopped mid-thought as the aching of my heart reminded me yet again for my loss.

Salty hot tears poured down my cheeks. I pushed them away roughly; scratching my face in the process and letting out a gasp at the stinging sensation. I took a deep breath suddenly thankful for the distraction. The car pulled to a stop and I looked away from my fiddling fingers to see a giagantic house that sat along the front of a nice sized beach. The shudders were painted two different hues of blue. It was beautiful. Several other cars parked beside it; tires marking up and crushing the grass.

"Do y-you live here?" I stuttered.

He nodded meditatively and jumped out of his Jeep; slamming the door behind him and not waiting for me to follow. I sat there a moment longer than I should before stepping out of his car and pulling down the satin shorts that were beginning to ride up. I heard snickers and looked up to see a group of guys and girls in the front window of the house. They were all just watching.

I walked into the door my brother left ajar for me slowly; glancing back at the door as I crossed over the threshold. I turned back to see 12 pairs of eyes staring at me. I let out a scream and jumped back an inch; crossing the threshold again. My eyes flicked over all six faces; blue eyes green eyes brown eyes, short tall, muscular and fit and chubby. I stood there quietly; knowing my mouth was hanging open. I shut it tight; screwing my jaw shut and grinding my teeth together. My brother was nowhere to be seen.

"Why's she acting like that?" A short guy with thick glasses called out. Besides his nerdy presence, he was somewhat cute with shady grey eyes and ruffled mahogany hair.

"Oh shut up, you're scaring her." A taller buff guy with blonde hair and green eyes shouted before hooting at my outfit.

I realized what I was wearing again and did my best to cover up; feeling odd and uncomfortable. Unwanted tears started leaking from my eyes.

"Do you think she's another one of his sluts?" A short chubby girl with blue eyes and red pin-straight hair asked seeming serious.

"She's my sister." I heard Isiah say not seeming proud. "Come on Lacy, let me show you to your room."

My eyes flickered over the other three faces that stayed silent at my arrival. Two of them were guys and the other was a beautiful girl who looked to be pissed off as she noticed the placement of my eyes. I couldn't help but lingering on one of the guys for a moment though. He stood; one arm over the pissed off girl's shoulders, with a muscular body and a cold stare. His eyes were a goldish hazel; his hair shaggy and black. I swallowed hard; my throat seeming to close up slightly.

I looked at the group yet again and nodded before turning and walking up the stairs. I felt eyes following me the whole way up.

My room was beautiful and large but I didn't take much notice to the detail because the small scractches on my face had already healed and the aching of my heart was starting to be felt again.

I turned to tell Isiah thank you but he was already out the door; shuffling down the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I kicked off the sandles and explored my new room. A dark brown dresser taller than myself held up a wall to the left of my king size bed. Opening the drawers, I saw that clothes had already been placed here and folded for my use. Reaching down, I pulled the familiar purple piece of paper from my non-supportive bra and shoved it into the first draw on the furthest right. I moved and sat on my bed; wanting to not feel all of this anger and agony.

I noticed a door at the other side of my room that read Lacy in fancy black letters. I opened the door to see a bathroom that also had already been stocked. A new pack of toothbrushes laid on the side of the sink; waiting for me to choose which color I wanted. A pink towel was hooked on the back of the door and in baskets above the toilet I saw many packs of bras of all sizes. They looked as if they were orderd online. I looked through all of the cubbies on the shevles above the toilet and found my size; a generous D-cup. Snatching up the packs, I rushed out of my bathroom and pushed them into an empty drawer in my dresser. I sat on the bed again and took note of something to the corner of my eye. There sat a cellphone; an iPhone5s to be specific. M jaw dropped and I picked up the phone, clicking the circle button at the bottom of the beautiful touch screen slender phone which was light and cool in my palm.

My name was set as the wallpaper for the lock screen. Sliding my finger across the screen, the phone made a clicking noise and revealed a bunch of apps. I pulled out my special piece of purple paper and typed in Anna's cellphone number. Laying down on my stomach, I flpped through the pages and pages of apps before one caught my eye, Flappy Bird. I clicked on it and waited for it to load and ten minutes later, I was still playing the game; astonished with how far technology has gone over the years I wasn't able to have it.

I sighed in content before the torturous rock settled in my chest again and agony whipped me again. I dropped the phone on my bed and walked back into my bathroom, shutting and locking the door. Turning the knobs on, I gasped as hot water touched my skin again. I stayed there and stayed and stayed; the hot needles prickling my breasts and legs and stomach. It felt great.

After a while, I moved out of the shower and wrapped myself in the pink towel, my toes swimming through the plush carpet on the floor. Curious, I let my towel drop and stared at myself in the mirror. I eyed my full breasts; remembering the first time they were touched; Anna groped me as I leaned over to show her the detail in my painting I made in one of my rehabiliation classes. My eyes traveled over my body before I opened the cabinet above the sink. The first shelf had a pack of razors for grooming purposes and a box of q-tips. The second shelf had many bottles of lotion neatly pushed toegther of all kinds of brands. Jergens, Aveeno, Johnson's and etc. The third shelf however had a switchblade on it with an attached post-it that read in scrawled handwriting: For emergencies.

On instinct, I grabbed